to not understand Christians who have sex/live together before marriage then marry in church?

[onlytwo]

Posting here because I am genuinely confused and not trying to offend anyone.

I keep seeing couples who describe themselves as Christians who have been living together for years, sometimes with kids, then they get married in church with all the religious vows etc. I thought one of the key Christian teachings is no sex before marriage yet it seems really common that people ignore that part but still have a big church wedding.

AIBU to think it is hypocritical?

Are you a Christian OP?

Have you never told a lie?

Should a person who has broken one of the ten commandments (and pre-marital sex isn’t in the 10 commandments) no longer attend church?

If only perfect people were allowed to attend church, there would be empty ecclesiastical buildings everywhere.

I am genuinely confused.
Why do you care?
Why are you judging others?
Why do you believe in an imaginary man in the sky who says you should and shouldn’t do things?
You’ve offended me by spouting religious nonsense and poking your nose into other peoples lives.

There is more than enough strife in the world right now.

They do. Even my e trembly devout, daily-Mass-going mother, after four children in seven years.

Of course it’s in the bible .

But I think some things in the bible (like no sex before marriage / not being gay / not borrowing or lending money) are social/moral teachings rather than "transcendental universal cosmic truths" to be honest. And social norms change over time.

My mum wasn't allowed Communion because my parents were not married. The priest offered to marry them at my baptism but they declined. I think that if the Churches turned people away because they were already living together, then the numbers would dwindle even further.

I think lots of Christians have adapted to modern times. For example, I am Catholic but I couldn't not use contraception, it would be completely irresponsible. I need to work, we don't have unlimited funds for unlimited children and thankfully, both of my children have survived infanthood so there was no need to have lots of children with this in mind.

Jesus doesn’t say anything about sex before marriage. Much of Jesus’ teachings are about him coming to basically renew the faith, everything that came before doesn’t still apply, that’s kind of the point. My faith is in Jesus and what he taught.

There’s more passages in the bible about not judging others than there are about premarital sex or about being gay. Yet still people ignore those passages

I don't know if you are a Christian, but I've always noticed the people who purport to be the most devout (regularly going to Church etc) are often the least tolerant and "Christian" in their views.

How do those two quotes from the Bible instruct Christians not to enjoy sex before marriage?

Interesting question. I enjoyed some of the answers. Puzzled by the hostility! The OP is not judging or bothering the people in any way, just wondering can we no longer wonder??

I can’t comment on RC as I’m not RC - but my RC friends were all married by priests who knew they were living together.

My point is it is not a key teaching of Christianity.

Some people follow the teachings more strictly than others, just as in all religions.

Personally I know lots of Christians who believe that sex before marriage is wrong and have not had sex before marriage. In one case they hadn't kissed before marriage either and watching them make their vows was very moving. I have heard sermons on it too; it depends on what church you go to.

I have heard Christian arguments that sex after engagement is OK because in biblical times engagement was as binding as marriage. I disagree with this argument because engagement isn't like that today - I think the people who make it are looking for loopholes tbh - but it does exist.

To not have sex before marriage in today's society is very difficult. It's not surprising many people, even those who aspire to it, struggle.

I know you think atheism is so very very clever, but if you fail to understand why so many extremely high IQ (and there are many) find reason to believe (even if you dont) then it's a reflection on you more than them. It's a fascinating subject, you should look into it.

Not all people who believe in God are into organised religion and following the bible . I don't think god gives a shit when we have sex as long as we're respectful of the people we do it with and vice versa.

To be a Christian all you have to do is believe in Christ. That is literally it. Obviously you will then try your best to be a good person but the whole point is that we are all human and everyone messes up there is no "letter of the law" to be followed exactly.
You can be a prostitute and still be a Christian.
A few Bible passages about that. A few about not judging other people too you know.

Are you saying that something in the Bible is therefore a key teaching?

Well exactly. I'm pleased that christianity has evolved. Would you rather we still lived following the scripture to the letter.

Have you seen how happy, progressive and wealthy, all of the muslim countries are in the middle east, who still follow their holy book to the letter? They've set the standard right? That's clearly the way we should all be because it works so well.

I think the key thing from the Bible is that it considers the act of sex to be precious and becoming' one flesh' and so if you think it is okay to have sex with multiple partners, you will be damaging your emotional being.
Arguably, if you marry the person you are living with prior to marriage, you are still following this idea of being and remaining one flesh with that person, and arguably, when you first have sex with them you are married in God's eyes anyway.

Religion can offer support during difficult times. It helps when nothing else can.

Christianity is about forgiveness.

Sex before marriage was ill advised before marriage due largely to venereal and other STDs and also unwanted and unplanned for children. Nothing is as chilling as a workhouse record in the 19th Century. "Bastard of Eliz".

I'd read that as being about sleeping around/cheating. Not about being in a commited relationship.

Either way, the Bible is full of passages about forgiveness.

Religion can be a good thing when it provides a gentle moral code to try to live by.

And an awful dangerous toxic thing when it is used to control and judge and shame people

A priest isn't going to turn them away for wanting to be married! They shouldn't be receiving communion before that though if they're having sex or cohabiting.

I think we need a proper definition of what a key Christian teaching is then

Most Christians do not do animal sacrifices as prescribed in the old testament, nor circumcise, nor eat kosher food. Times moved on. The definition of sexual immorality does not need to include a loving couple who are faithful to each other. I'm sure there are a few churches out there who would agree with your personal moral position, but the majority would not. Even those churches who agree with you would think that the couple should marry, and would accordingly marry them. That's where your argument fundamentally gets very confused; if you think such a couple were morally wrong to have sex outside marriage, then what is the logical process you followed to also think they should not marry?

That’s such a narrow minded view.

All the Christians I have met don’t believe God is a “man in the sky”. They believe in it as a concept and that a man called Jesus was sent to the earth to teach people to live in harmony.

Many also don’t believe in the bible as fact, but as a book of stories with morals, written to help guide people to live better lives.

There are so many ways to be a Christian.

For me god isn’t a person, it’s a concept of hope. If I’m preying it’s not because I believe a man in the sky will grant my wishes, it’s because it brings calm to hope/prey for something.

Some people do believe god is a person, I don’t belittle them for having different views to mine.