to not understand Christians who have sex/live together before marriage then marry in church?

[onlytwo]

Posting here because I am genuinely confused and not trying to offend anyone.

I keep seeing couples who describe themselves as Christians who have been living together for years, sometimes with kids, then they get married in church with all the religious vows etc. I thought one of the key Christian teachings is no sex before marriage yet it seems really common that people ignore that part but still have a big church wedding.

AIBU to think it is hypocritical?

Which version of the bible? The Torah base, Aramaic, Coptic, Greek, Latin or King James English? Plus over a third of the text was removed from about 300AD to 1100AD+. We watched a good channel 4 documentary series on this during lockdown. Examples there were more than 3 wise men, women disciples of Jesus, god has a wife, Adam had three wives a silent one, the domineering Lilith and last was Eve, and Jesus bring clay figures of birds to life as a child by clapping his hands and later combating a dragon before his ministries started.
No wonder the different denominations, churches and faiths have been arguing for over 2400 years 🫣

Asking her why she started the thread and what her religion is are not relevant questions, it’s you hounding her and being aggressive.

Yes, it is relevant. A lot of us feel it is relevant.

And I asked her once, that’s not ‘hounding her’, it’s two questions in one post. If anyone is hounding anyone, it’s you hounding me. I won’t respond to you if you mention this again. Happy to engage on theological discussion, but not on you having an non-issue with a question I have asked.

You’re the one that seems rather hostile and aggressive by using vulgar language.

Eh? The Bible is staunchly against sex before marriage. It's not as though the OP pulled this out of thin air!

Apparently, God created sex to form a permanent bond between a man and a woman in marriage. Virginity for those entering marriage helps ensure the integrity of this bond—that it will be strong and permanent. 2 Timothy 2:21If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use.

Life and biology mqke sex a matter of biological need, so God seems to have misunderstood man's desires!

I dont hold out that virginity is necessary for either partner before marriage, in fact having had sex with a small no of partners in my life I'd say try it out, you might need to work hard to make it enjoyable. Honestly like everything some people kniw what they're doing, others need to be taught, so practice.

I'd loathe to be married to someone I dont enjoy sex with...

BTW I am not religious but Bhuddism is about the closest religion I'd follow if I was so minded....

@nomas

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Also , the marriage between Isaac as Rebekkah is described as “she entered his tent and they were married”.

Really? I think we all know the hypocrisy involved. The church is just for the photos.

Why do people think they have a right to "understand people" If it affects you take action, if it doesn't then keep your nose out.

OP I struggle with faith and religion. My personality is very much all or nothing and one of the reasons why I haven’t committed myself to be a person of faith who attends church is because I would struggle with the idea of failing. I’m sure there will be someone who will tell me that we are all imperfect humans loved and forgiven by God.

I have had an alcoholic uncle who really put his family through hell and never practiced as a Christian. On his death bed, the family pastor came to see him and they prayed. I guess he was forgiven of his sins as he had a Christian funeral where it was said he would go to heaven.

Maybe you just ask for forgiveness everyday and that’s enough?

Move with the times. I imagine there’s very few modern day Christians who abstain from sex until the day they wed!

I doesn’t really matter if you understand it or not, it’s none of your business.
Concentrate on your own life and stop judging others.

Rule 1: Concentrate on your own life and stop judging others!

that's in the bible too....already mentioned but I will give the reference matt 7 vv1-3 but also John 8 vv1-11

How bizarre! No sex before marriage is a core tenet of most religions. I was raised Catholic and you literally never heard the end of the no sex before marriage rule

You raise an interesting point about authority. In Roman Catholicism, authority comes from Scripture, Tradition, and Scripture he Magisterium. So the Bible is interpreted by church leaders, who decide what the church should teach. In Protestantism the principle is Sola Scriptura: only scripture. However, Protestants also have the doctrine of the priesthood of all believers. This suggests some leeway for people to interpret the Bible according to their own reading, although in practice most Protestant churches employ clergy who have authority within the institution to determine how the Bible should be understood.

But, in reality, anyone who reads any text will produce their own interpretation. Are all interpretations valid? Probably not. However, when a church teaches that sex before marriage is prohibited in the Bible, and anyone with a Bible can see that it isn’t, the authority of church leaders to impose their interpretation may be undermined.

Same reason Christians do but they don't claim their scripture allows it.

additionally of course there were weddings where the bride carried a HUGE bouquet, where the baby came prematurely, where the bride (and maybe the groom as well) immediately went away to "visit relatives" where the bride to be's mother or near relative had a suprise late addition to the family....and that's without the women in the community who had "specialist knowledge in dealing with women's problems"

Interesting viewpoint on the definition of hypocrisy. Is it hypocrisy then that the church priests and various church members have been involved in sex scandals and abuse cases for many years? And here you are judging this - hilarious. Perhaps get yourself a perspective in your self righteousness and think about choosing your hypocritical battles! Was anyone actually hurt in the sex before marriage/ cohabitation/ church wedding ? Erm probably not.
what a load of absolute turnip.

There are only two things someone has to do to call themselves a Christian, Love the Lord with all your heart and love your neighbour. All other rules and restrictions have been put there by humans either to help them in a time when women didn’t have the same rights or to control them. The rule about no sex before marriage was there to protect women in a very different world to now. Holding on to such rules is not what Christianity is all about and that’s how hatred is bred and wars are started.

Nah I think it was a 'sin' for practical reasons in those times - contraception didn't really exist. Same as pork was a sin as its a risky food for parasites. But now we have better cooking practices.

Theres lots of things that would probably be ok now. They were labeled bad then as they could have awful consequences.

I do feel Christians shouldn't be deliberately having kids without marriage though. That isn't Christian. Children are supposed to be raised by man and wife.

The fact is, everyone picks and chooses though. And many people call themselves Christians but clearly, aren't.

Islam forbids it, this is the case for all Muslims. In Christianity this is not the case, like many people have told you. Yet you’re unwilling to accept this. This post is ignorant and anti Christian. If you had a genuine curiosity then you wouldn’t be dismissing what people are telling you.

So the question is, is it immoral to have sex with the person you're going to commit to for the rest of your life?

I think the CofE would lose a lot of bookings/money if they only allowed virgins to marry in church.

Current fees from their website: There is a required legal fee for marrying in a church. In 2024, the legal fee is a maximum of £675 if you choose to marry away from where you live, and a maximum of £567* if you marry in your home parish.

What century are we in?