That no one said I look nice?

[FeelingLowf]

I’ve been very depressed for a while and my personal hygiene was not great as I was severely depressed. I stopped caring about how I look and I looked a state. No matter at home, school run or work I wore same thing: either black leggings or grey leggings with a long sleeve top in winter and shorter sleeve tops. Zero make up.

I decided for my kids sake I was going to change as I don’t even like to have photos with them.

Today was a get together with my eldest daughter’s class in school and I made a lot of effort. I had my hair cut and blow dryed, got new makeup and they tried it on me so I had it all done. I wore a lovely new dress and for first time in 3 years had my legs waxed. I felt really nice and felt good about myself.

what upset me is not one person said I look nice, not my husband, my friends at school, my work colleagues or even the school mums I chat to everyday.

I just feel really sad about it.

Honestly, I would be wary of commenting on the changed appearance of a severely depressed casual acquaintance who’s suddenly gone for a new look. I don’t like people commenting on what I look like.

Well done you for making an effort OP.

It's pretty rubbish no one said anything, particularly your H.

But the main point is YOU knew you looked good. So don't let other people's lack of reaction deter you. Keep on with the new - look you and take your own pleasure in your appearance.

I'm sorry, it feels really good to have people compliment you when you've made an effort.

Could it be that you normally don't look that bad? You've possibly built it up in your head to be a big thing that you're really unpresentable, so when you deliberately tried to look good there wasn't as much of a difference as you think?

Alternatively, I wonder if (your husband excluded - is he normally complimentary?) people felt like complimenting you would draw attention to the fact you normally aren't "done up" and worried about doing it for this reason.

You did it for your kids and I'm sure they will look back on the photos and remember it as a nice occasion.

Don't let your self esteem depend on external sources. If you were happy with your new appearance and felt confident then positive comments from other people should be an unexpected thing rather than something you're relying on getting.

O I’m sorry, well done, I’m sure you looked amazing!!
if it helps I don’t comment on people’s physical appearance if I can help it, especially if it’s such a drastic difference, as I wouldn’t want to say the wrong thing and offend! But just know that they noticed and probably thought you looked great, and if you felt great than that’s really the most important thing!

Some people can be wary of paying compliments thses days in case it offends and the recipient says "are you saying i usually look shit?" 🤣

I can't believe your husband didn't say anything. That's really mean of him.

Aw, that rubbish OP. Especially if your husband said nothing.

Firstly, good for you.

Secondly, people probably don’t want to make a big deal out of it and make you feel like it was a bad thing that you weren’t dressed like this previously.

Your family and husband love you and he probably doesn’t want to make you feel pressured to look a certain way.

Sending a hug 🤗

That’s pretty rubbish of people.

However, when you’re used to seeing someone looking a bit ‘meh’ and they suddenly look great (as I’m sure you did) people can get a bit jealous. Their thinking, ‘what right has she (who normally looks ordinary) to look as good as that?’

So there could be an element of this going on. X

People notice us far less than we think - it's known as the spotlight effect.

Perhaps they just thought that you were a casual and low-key dresser, rather than seeing your clothing as symptomatic of your inner mental state?

Also, if there is a very dramatic change then people can be quite cautious about mentioning it, just in case they say the wrong thing by accident.

But it sounded as if you looked good, so well done.

I think people are mostly so worried about what they look like/ are they dressed right/ do they look too fat/ too thin etc that they don't pay that much attention to other people. On those days where you may think you look awful, probably nobody else has really noticed!

I bet you looked amazing OP.

I'm disappointed your husband didn't compliment you, but don't take it to heart that other people didn't... Plenty of reasons they may not have done, most of all it's not really something people like to say these days. It can sound quite backhanded when you say it to someone who is usually scruffy, so people don't say it generally out of worry it'll sound like that.

Go listen to Taylor Swift "Bejeweled", be a bit mad at your husbands ignorance, and plan your next "feel good" outfit.

Exactly what I was going to say. People are wary nowadays about commenting on other people’s appearance, I’m sure you looked great and I’m happy you feel better now. Validation from others is overrated, if you feel and look good that’s the most important thing.

I agree.

❤️ feeling lowf

I'm sure you looked amazing OP, and you felt it which is the most important part. I never comment on a drastic change in appearance as I've caused offence in the past by doing so.

If I knew you had been struggling, I wouldnt have commented because I wouldnt want to make you feel worse.

In the same way as when people lose weight, I dont comment on it unless they mention it.

Im glad you felt well enough to do it. I hope you continue to feel better.

this
people are SO wary these days.
I always dole out compliments and people look at me oddly like I'm overstepping

How much of your issue is your husband I wonder. He sounds like a delight

In fairness. People aren’t always paying attention to you or what you’re wearing.

but it would have been nice for your husband to compliment you

Good for you. I bet you looked lovely.

I rarely comment on someone's appears, especially if I know that person has ever felt uncomfortable about their appearance previously.

I wouldn't want to unintentionally upset them or accidently imply they didn't look good previously.

I'm a little surprised that this isn't something you can discuss with your husband. Have you mentioned it to him at all, even in a casual "I made a real effort to dress up today, what do you think?"

Ira dodgy ground commenting on people's appearance as you never know owner their response.

Sometimes I don’t say anything when I think a woman looks nice because I don’t always want to make a comment on her looks. I know she is so much more than that. I’m sure lots of people saw the new you and were inwardly applauding and loving your look!

You are taking this too personally. I never comment on people's appearance because I don't like it if people comment on mine. It's no reflection on them.
It's great that you wore a nice dress and looked good, but do it for your own self confidence, not to fish for compliments

Well done - keep up the good work but do it for yourself not for others.