Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

100% this.

As someone who has been no contact with my parents for more than 7 years, I find this post absolutely shocking and extremely immature.

For what it's worth, I "blocked" my parents after nearly 4 decades of daily abuse, and hundreds upon hundreds of conversations explaining how they made me feel, the damage they had caused, and asking them to change how they treated me if they wanted to remain in my life.

The way your boyfriend has handled this, over one comment you were never meant to hear, is shockingly cold and downright cruel and makes him the bad guy here, not his parents.

Sneaking out of their house while they were in the garden without so much as a note or explanation is so immature that I don't even have words for it. You should both be ashamed of yourselves.

At least you want your boyfriend to tell his parents what they did wrong, and he should. He should not, however, "block" them over this.

You yourself admit that you are larger size. We all have our issues. My nose isn't as small as I wish it were, and if I walked in on someone saying something about it, yes, that would hurt, but I wouldn't never speak to them over it, especially if the comment was made as a passing fact, not something meant to be cruel or the brunt of a joke.

His parents were not making fun of you. You also overheard only part of a conversation--a private conversation in their own home. They did not seek you out to make a mean comment to your face. You yourself say that they have only ever been lovely to you.

They will certainly have PLENTY to say about you now!

It was hurtful but it was also a case of overhearing a private conversation and if we're honest, we do sometimes say things to our partners that we don't expect others to hear.

I think that your partner is going to regret blocking his parents. At 22, most people still need some support (emotional, perhaps financial) from their parents.

Very few people in this world truly care about us and losing two people who presumably care about him is a huge loss.

People aren't idiots. They know it can't be done.

There's a big difference between people who put on 20 pounds after having kids and the morbidly obese.

To suggest that all that stands in the way of those two groups is determination is laughable.

So they made an observation re your weight? You accept you are overweight I know I am though yes it’s hurtful. Ask him if he prefers over weight woman or not? He sounds a walking red flag cutting his parents off over stating a fact.

Sounds like they were having a private conversation and pondering the fact that your OH had previously not been interested in “fat” girls. Doesn’t this then mean this is an issue with your OH rather than his parents. Just leaving was incredibly rude.

Not just me, other people too. Plenty of girls with whom I went to school were tubby and unhappy about it. I lost three stone. I've put on weight since but not so much and always been careful to lose it.

However there is the world of difference between being overweight, which I was, and obesity. The op hasn't said she is obese, just that she is 'big'. There are plenty of big girls around who decide not to be, and manage it.

I used to comfort eat. Determination definitely played a part, you have to get to the stage where you really want to slim down. It's like anything else really, giving up smoking for example. All the help in the world will do nothing if you don't commit yourself to it.

Is it really any different than them observing that he usually has dated brunettes, so it's surprising to see him with a blonde as they didn't think it was his type? Or that he usually dates people who dress more formally, so it's different to see him with someone dressed in athletic gear? They made an observation, which maybe should have been made when you weren't in the house. Is this a case of the truth hurts? I have characteristics I'm not thrilled about, I don't particularly want to hear someone comment on it, but I know they are there.

They should at least be talked to about how you are feeling, so they know why you don't want to see them again yourself. Give them a chance to apologise and think about it.

🎶Oh, OP, give us one more chance (To show us that we aren’t blocked)
Won't you please let us (Have an update)
Oh, darlin', we were blind to let you go (So come back, baby)
Are you, aren’t you still in his arms? (We want you back)

Yes, we do now (We want you back)
Ooh, ooh, baby (We want you back)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (We want you back)
Na, na, na, na🎶

Christ alive! What a huge over reaction!

Did you ask him if what they said was true that he'd never liked chubby girls. If so then he has NO justification for blocking them. If they had said something about it to you then that would be different. You didn't mention what his reaction was except run for the hills which is a pretty lame gesture, in my view!

yes. This is an intense overreaction even if it hurt.

You're happy to alienate your boyfriend from his own parents because of overhearing a tactless private conversation.
That is a deeply toxic dynamic the pair of you have. His poor parents.

I mean he is choosing to go along with it as well. Surely he could text or call his own parents. He is the one with the loyalty to them he is choosing to go along with his gf’s wishes. Blame the person who is the actual relative. Not to mention he is choosing to stay with this woman.

Whilst I agree that it’s not nice to hear, I think it’s a bit far for him to cut his parents out of his life over it.

they only commented that you're bigger than he usually goes for, there's no personal attack there. I'm a fat woman myself and i know hearing it stings, but they weren't saying it to be unkind or slating you as a person. Leaving with no word was an insane overreaction, and for him to just block them afterwards is a big red flag for me.

Did they actually mean he hates fat women, and he's worried about what they'd say about his behaviour towards them (us) if the subject was raised?

Are you 12 OP? That seems a complete over reaction to an overheard discussion not meant for your ears. Yes it’s appropriate to feel hurt that they mentioned your size but completely blocking them??! What the hell!! Crazy.

@ninetyninedays have you never said anything unkind about anyone???

This is their FDIL future family member here not some random off the street. It takes a small minded person to be standing around making judgy comments about the looks of their son’s partner. Why is this even a conversation that’s up for topic or even their business that their son is dating a heavy woman? Like why is it even on their minds more than a second to be having a conversation about

You've both bloody blocked them??? Immature, awful behaviour. Way over the top. Grow up.

That’s weird of him to block them.

It must have been upsetting, but I don’t think it justifies you let alone him never speaking to them again.

What has made them think he hates fat women? I don't think my DS has ever dated anyone very overweight but I wouldn't assume he "hates" them, unless he had told me. I feel like your partner has very quickly removed you from his parents to prevent a discussion about how he has talked about women in the past. Leaving without saying goodbye and never speaking to them again is a massive overreaction and very immature.

His parents know things that he doesn't want you to hear about. He risked your meeting them once, then grabbed an excuse for not meeting them again. I believe he will still be in touch with them.

Hold on she hasn’t done anything wrong. She left as they were mean.

Are you being serious? The OP has said thst she’s fat. She listened in on a private conversation where her boyfriend’s parents made a comment that their son had always said that he didn’t like fat women. They didn’t say they didn’t like the OP or that they didn’t think their son should continue the relationship - a comment was made in private which confirmed the way the OP has described herself. Having listened in to a private conversation, the OP didn’t raise this with his parents, or ask her boyfriend to speak to them, but they sneaked off without a word to say they were leaving when his parents were in the garden. They have now both blocked his parents and the OP has said they will never speak to them again. Because they agreed in private with the OP’s description of herself. How can you possibly think that the OP has done nothing wrong?