Overheard new partners parents talking about my looks

[ninetyninedays]

I have been with my partner nearly a year.
His parents live a few hours away so I’ve only met them a couple of times when they’ve visited but I thought they seemed lovely so when they invited us to stay for the weekend I agreed and we stayed in his old room.
I thought we were all having a lovely time, when I walked in on his parents talking in the kitchen asking what they thought of me and saying they were surprised because he hates fat women so couldn’t understand why he was with one.
I was understandably hurt but didn’t let on I heard so I told my partner and we just got our things and drove home while they were in the garden.

I never want to see them again and my partner accepts this and blocked them and we’ll have no more contact.
The thing is

1. I feel guilty that he has cut off his parents for me.

2. Is it true and he really has always hated girls my size? Then were they just making a point and I should be asking the same question and be mad at him?

3. His parents don’t know why we’ve blocked them and will never know because they’ll never see us again so I feel like they have got away with it and not been held accountable. I think he should tell them and then block them so they know the consequences of what they said.
   My partner is just saying they’re blocked so leave it but how is that a lesson learned?

Was it his choice to block his parents or did you ask him to?

If your weight is such an issue for you, then why not do something about it?

They said that for a reason - meaning he must’ve made comments about his hatred of fat women before (men like this do exist! My DB despises fat people, me included!)
Also, I guarantee he immediately unblocked them as soon as he was alone again! He just wants you to think he did it. He’ll speak to them away from you.
Regardless, do you really want to be with a man so callous that he could cut off his own mum & dad so easily?

What a vile thing to say to someone and is not at all what OP posted about! Way to miss the point spectacularly just to get a dig in

She didn’t purposefully listen in to their conversation, she accidentaly overheard them. Not sure how you are making this her fault…..victim shaming. They are his parents it is up to him to speak to them. He should not have blocked them but that isn’t her fault she didn’t make him do that.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they report you both to the police as missing people!
• You suddenly disappear without a word.
• They can no longer get in touch with either of you by phone.
• Days go by and they still haven’t heard from their son and still cannot get through to either of you by phone…. Yep, that’d be my cue to report you both as missing if I hadn’t already

His poor parents. Their child is 22 and obviously very young and immature. You were not meant to hear this - why can't they state a fact in private? You know you are overweight ( or fat, as they said).
Having said that, the excessive weight is the least of your problems. You need to work on your self- confidence. Leaving it all to follow a man and then state that you will never see his parents again after overhearing a comment that was not meant for you, show how insecure and vulnerable you are. Therapy.

I would ask him if it's true about his preference but blocking them and having them out of your life forever seems a bit of an overraction.

They might actually really like you but just making a statement based on what he usually likes. You’re being childish OP are you going to block your future kids to if they call you fat 🙄

You and your boyfriend sound unbelievably callous and self-absorbed.

His parents said you are fat. One assumes you are, from what you have said.

For speaking the truth in a private conversation between themselves, you believe it is appropriate that they should never have contact with their child, ever again.

Or no, in fact, you consider this mat be too merciful - you think they are getting odd too lightly, losing their child, and want them to also "know why this has happened"?

Do you think this should happen to all people who privately discuss your weight when you are not listening?

In fact, why just deprove them of relationships with their kid - have the fuckers shot at dawn!

Jesus.

Sorry? Being fat shamed and having to put up with that insult is not being sensitive, it's a bloody disgrace. If it actually happened as reported.

i do question modern etiquette if people think it's OK to talk like that and that the OP who is at fault and it's acceptable for two strangers to be discussing her body shape in such a dehumanising way.

@daisychain01
Where does it say that OP was fat shamed and they were insulting her?
It was a private conversation, between 2 people, in their own home. How is this dehumanising?
Sounds like they were saying @ninetyninedays is bigger than his ex-gfs, which, by the sounds of it, is factually correct.

To be 'shamed' and 'insulted' by another party, it tends to be public dialogue with more people present and purposefully vitriolic.

@ninetyninedays and her BF have behaved appallingly.
So many red flags about her BF thinking any of this is a normal way to behave.
Red flags about their relationship that she ups and leaves her entire friends and family network when they have been going out for less than a year.

@ninetyninedays have you had reflections from this thread? Are you going to come back?

If ANYONE has something that is 'different' about their physical appearance, I can guarantee that people will have had a conversation about it with someone else:

My DSis is morbidly obese. I love her very much, she's a brilliant person. I have, over the years, had separate conversations with my parents and my siblings about her weight; mainly discussing health implications. I am not fat shaming her by having a private conversation with someone else.

I have a friend who is very tall. I have discussed her height with another friend. We were discussing how hard it is to buy clothes that 'fit' properly - we wondered if 'Gemma' found it hard as she's so tall.

I have a friend with exceptionally long hair, I talked with another friend, wondering how she maintains it...........

And so the list goes on. People talk about other people in private conversations - it doesn't mean that they are spouting hatred. It could be benign and inoffensive

In this entirely ficticious story, she wasn't fat shamed or directly insulted though. They could just as well have commented 'it's funny she's so tall and willowy. He doesn't usually go for that type. He's always said he doesn't like tall skinny girls, he prefers them petite/curvy.' Or 'She's very glam and groomed, lots of make up, big hair and lip filler. It's funny, he's always said he preferred the casual, natural, girl next door type in jeans and trainers.'

If she felt ashamed or insulted by overhearing herself described as fat then that's on her, not them. She is fat. It's a statement of fact. Whether or not you choose to see it as a value judgement or not is down to you.

But this didn't happen anyway.

Nah this didn’t happen. I refuse to believe two grown adults could behave like this - it’s school holidays.

If this is true - you two deserve each other and sound like walking red flags. His poor parents.

I'm quite fat, I wouldn't like it if people were talking about that but its true so nothing to really get worked up about. Its your boyfriend's reaction I would be worried about. How absolutely appalling to drop his parents without an explanation.

They were only repeating what he had obviously previously stated though. The problem is not with them just stating a fact and being curious. Most of us would do the same in reality. I think the OP and partner have other issues of more concern going by her over reaction and his over compensation?

@ninetyninedays this sounds a bit like the parents did do this but this is a dream scenario of what you'd want someone to do for you. I don't think any man would block like this. Then again, if they did block, then id be a bit worried that they are the type to block very easily and hide away.

Your acting like a pair of spoilt children.
Why did either of you speak to them and say you were disappointed to hear that conversation.

People are allowed opinions. Nice or not and whether you agree with them or not.

The fact they say he usually hates them would be more of a concern to me then what I heard to be honest as he has clearly expressed that previously to them.

I'd say it's a boyfriend issue not an issue with his parents.

Wow, you had my sympathy until the blocking bit.
So because you overheard a private conversation that you weren’t intended to hear, that means they should never ever see their son ever again? That is absolutely ridiculous and a really childish way to handle the situation.

Regardless of what you think of them, they are his parents. And you can’t control people’s opinions.

Total over reaction from you and your partner. I feel really sorry for his parents. It’s only a comment and I think you should both have a long hard look at your respective inability to deal with what is essentially life and grow a grown up skin.

What a nuclear overreaction of yours over a private comment!
I think row back, explain you were hurt by the comment and give them a chance to apologise.

If your boyfriend has blocked his parents then it's because he was looking for an excuse to do that and this situation gave him one.

Behaving the way both of you have is not the way to convince anyone that overweight people are just people who should be judged on their own merits like any other people.

If they had a fat prejudice, it's a lot stronger now.

.

Im fat. My previous partner had been married for 27 years to.a woman who can only be described as petite . We had a wonderful relationship. His parents may have thought the same. Sometimes people move away from their perceived ' type' . U were not meant to hear that. Their observation, whilst it might hurt, may be true. I would question why he so willingly decided to block them. This is not rational. He could say the conversation was overheard, u are both upset and need a period of no contact for a short while. I would say that is the adult thing to do.

Minimum engagement from OP I see. Seemingly unable to justify/respond to all the balanced advice here telling her it was a conversation in private so not to her face and not intentionally malicious and the word fat is factually correct and not a derogatory term. But OP is determined to be offended it seems and while no, she didn’t force her similarly immature 22 year old BF to block his parents, she could at least advise him to not block them for her sake. He should still see them even if she doesn’t want to. I really hope they don’t have kids/get married with all the complexities that brings if both fall so spectacularly at such a first simple family hurdle. It’s like OP is incapable or unwilling to consider anything from a different pov. Does not bode well for her future.