Just popping back on with a proper update and to clear a few things up, because some of the replies have really gone off course.
First off, not sure why a few posters are making up their own version of events? He didn’t leave last night when I said I was leaning toward keeping the baby. He didn’t storm off, he didn’t go quiet and vanish. He stayed over like planned, we watched a film, and it was calm and respectful. No drama. We just needed some space to process it all and that’s totally normal.
Also, can I please ask people to stop telling me I should have a termination? I’ve said clearly that I haven’t made any final decisions. Yes, I’m leaning towards keeping it, but I’m not rushing into anything, and I’m fully aware of the realities. Terminating is still an option. What I don’t need is strangers telling me flat-out what I should do, and calling me selfish when I don’t fall in line. If the roles were reversed and he was telling me to get an abortion, I guarantee this thread would be full of “your body, your choice” comments – and yet, because I’m considering keeping it, I’m selfish?
To the people saying I must’ve planned this because I wanted another baby – no. I did want a third when I was still with my ex, but that was years ago. I had two miscarriages and then we split, and I got used to it just being me and the kids. I was genuinely fine with that. I was taking the pill properly, and we used condoms every single time except one. This wasn’t some trap or plan – it was a shock.
Also – we were exclusive even before the actual “let’s be exclusive” chat. He hadn’t been sleeping with anyone else, and neither had I. I didn’t even think of us as casual before that – we were just getting to know each other properly, taking things slow.
To the person saying he made me take a test in front of him because he doubted me – I honestly don’t think that’s it. There was nothing shady about how he asked. He just said he couldn’t sit with it until tomorrow, went out and got the test himself, and I think he just needed to see it to actually get his head around it. It didn’t feel like suspicion, it felt like trying to get his bearings.
And yes – he’s more financially secure than me. He’s got a solid job, owns his house. I work flexible hours and rent. But that doesn’t mean I got pregnant on purpose to secure a man with money. I’ve raised my two without his help and I’ll continue to. I don’t need rescuing, thanks.
To those saying he’s just “too nice” to say he doesn’t want a baby – I don’t get that impression at all. He’s been open and honest the whole way through. He said he didn’t really picture himself having more children, but he also didn’t expect to fall for anyone again either. He said he’s happy with us, even if it’s all a bit fast. His biggest worry is what other people will say – school mums, his wife’s family, anyone who thinks he’s “moved on too quickly.” He joked “what have we done” when we realised this means being tangled up with school gossip for years. But he wasn’t saying it in a bitter way – just being honest about the reality.
We had a lovely morning, just the two of us, we went for a walk and lunch. He said he does see a future for us. He’s not 100% sure how he feels about the pregnancy yet – but he’s not unhappy either. He said he wants to talk to his wife’s family before anything is said to the boys, which I really respect. He doesn’t want them keeping secrets. He also said that no matter what happens, we could take the boys out together soon – cinema, pizza, the park – something light and normal. With summer holidays coming up it’s the perfect time.
And for clarity – I’m not trying to replace his wife or their mum. I know she’ll always be a part of their lives and I wouldn’t expect anything different. I wouldn’t want them to pretend she didn’t exist. I just want to be respectful of where and how I fit in, if I do.
Thanks to everyone who’s actually taken the time to read what I’ve written properly and replied kindly and thoughtfully. I know this isn’t an ideal situation, but I’m not out here playing games.