Op I am sorry that you have had such a turbulent post-partum period with your dc1 and dh and in-laws.
Whatever problems you have that are still unresolved there, you need to work through them with a therapist and decide if your marriage is able to move forward or not. It doesn’t sound like a great time to bring a new baby in to the mix tbh. But the point is that, with all of these decisions, you need proper unbiased, objective, trained, support. Not so-called support from a man who is exploiting your marital difficulties for sex.
You seriously can’t see why “support” from this particular bloke is problematic?
Come on op! You are deluding yourself! At least be honest with yourself.
That’s why you feel scattered in your head; because you are allowing yourself to believe in a fantasy!
What he is offering you is not friendship. You said yourself that is a player. He is not your friend. It’s convenient for him to support you atm bc he wants to sleep with you. He’s in it for himself, he’s not being altruistic. He is offering to help you most likely because he likes the thrill of the chase and he likes sex, and because you are married with a child and therefore unavailable, and because it gives his sorry ego a boost to try and shag another man’s wife. (Sorry to put it so crudely but that’s the long and short of it, no pun intended.)
No decent man would toy with the feelings of someone who is married and has a small child. He is horrible to take advantage of the marriage difficulties between you and your dh. Why do you want to be friendship with a man like that? And why do you think you deserve so little?
He needs to be given the elbow before you can address your marriage seriously, as this relationship with him is screwing with your head! And you and your dh can’t make a clear decision to reconcile if this man is in the way and playing with your feelings!
Where do you see this relationship going? I think you have fantasised about him solving your job and marital difficulties so that you don’t have to face them yourself.
Op you are a parent with responsibilities. You have to think about your family now. Where do you see this relationship with your male friend going ? You might lose everything if you are not careful.
This baby, should you decide to keep it, could be a new start for you and your dh and could provide a new focus for you all. Equally that’s a lot of pressure on a child to solve the marital issues of its parents, and it rarely works that way.
Try and focus on what is good about your marriage op. Forget this other bloke. And if your marriage doesn’t work, trying being single for a bit! But at least give it a proper chance before you split, which you cannot do with another man in the wings.
Imagine your dh saying to you, “I know we have problems but I need the help of this attractive other women, who you know I fancy, to support me while I do that?” It isn’t fair and it doesn’t work!
A first baby is always a massive challenge to a marriage. Lots of people go through difficulties while they sort out their new responsibilities and the new family dynamic. Try and focus on that op which is much more important than an exploitative player.
And try and get some mh support for yourself so that you don’t have to seek it from unsuitable chancer blokes! Good luck!