To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

[Shardlake63]

My PILs have just celebrated a significant wedding anniversary.
As part of that celebration, they hosted dinner in a private room at a local (to them) restaurant for their extended family - about 20 of us in total.
I am definitely not a picky eater. I eat pretty much everything, except salmon (which I am allergic to - it brings me out in a very itchy rash) and lamb (which I have always hated, and even the smell makes me want to throw up). My PILs are fully aware of this.
We travelled the best part of 200 miles to attend this dinner, not to mention the cost of an overnight stay in a local hotel as relatives with spare rooms were already full with their own sons/daughters and families staying overnight.
The meal was a set dinner - no choice or alternative was offered.
First course was smoked salmon, which I could not eat due to my allergy. Fair enough, I thought I would just fill up on the main course. However, the main course turned out to be a roast lamb dinner.
Apart from the smell of it knocking me sick, I couldn't even just eat the veg as it came to the table already smothered in a lamb based gravy.😥
I ended up just eating the dessert - a slice of lemon cheesecake - which was lovely, but hardly a satisfying substitution for what should have been a 3 course dinner.
AIBU to be upset at the lack of thought and consideration here? I was quite happy to forego the starter, but most restaurants do at least offer a vegetarian alternative for the main, which I would have been more than happy with. I also eat beef, chicken, pork, turkey, duck etc. and other fish (including shellfish) - I am not a fussy eater by any stretch of the imagination, so it would not have been difficult for my in-laws to ask the restaurant to provide me with an alternative to the lamb.
As it was, I had barely any dinner and by the time the meal was finished it was too late for me to eat anywhere else.
Am I being unreasonable to think they could at least have ordered me a vegetarian alternative in the full knowledge that I wouldn't be able to eat/didn't like their choice of set meal?

You are being ridiculous.

🤡 🤣

I think it's bad hosting not to say 'let us know about dietary restrictions'

But with family, you'd hope they remembered you allergy.

But if this was me I'd tell the waiter and order myself a veggie burger a la catering

That was extremely thoughtless of them. I can’t imagine they forgot you couldn’t eat either of those things. If I knew someone was allergic to something or it made them feel sick, I wouldn’t have served either at all, let alone to them. There are loads of other things they could have chosen.

I can't get over the fact that the vegetables came with the gravy on...!!! Were the meals already plated? Normally in a restaurant I'd assume that the veg came separately in little pots and you helped yourself to veg and gravy. I love lamb (and, to be honest, most other food...) but I don't like gravy. It's never been a problem as the gravy is usually served separately.

What a ridiculous post!!

Since when are people "entitled" if they have dietary requirements? In fact, Op's aren't even really dietary requirements, they are just two things she can't eat, the PIL's knew this and served it anyway - that's shit!

Me and DH eat anything, but my son is Vegan, my daughter has allergies, my Mum was vegetarian, my FIL & his partner are pescatarian. I have managed over several years to NEVER serve up anything that disagreed with those preferences. It's not fucking hard. And it's certainly not entitled of them to want to stick to a diet they are happy with.

The venue will have asked PIL about dietary requirements and preferences when they booked the event. That's STANDARD. They either forgot about Op's preferences or don't give a shit. So, Op has to just eat a slice of cheesecake for dinner. Even MORE annoying when you've made the effort and travelled 200 miles to be there. It's not like Op can go home afterwards and eat something else from her own cupboards.

Is it only me who would find it a bit odd to go to a Restaurant Celebration where the guests do not see a menu and have some choice? Even a three choice list.

I'd go mad if presented with food that I had no choice in eating at a sit down meal for a special occasion. But look, I wasn't there, it wasn't my gig so horses for courses.

Still find it odd though.

What a ridiculous comment! So she doesn’t like lamb and the the side dishes were covered in lamb sauce … obviously you’re not gonna eat them . I’m like the op I can’t even look at lamb . The smell , the texture bleughhh I wouldn’t then eat sides also covered in lamb and I don’t know how that makes you a fussy eater !

If you don’t like onions you wouldn’t eat a meal covered in onion gravy !

The OP is not being unreasonable in the slightest . fish and lamb are very specific meals of choice .

Apologies - Op's is a dietary requirement for the salmon, which makes it even worse!!

I think just learn from this and whenever accepting a meal in the future always indicate that you would like the vegetarian option. In the UK, the vast majority of restaurants offer a vegetarian option. If there is a meat and a fish you cannot eat, that will be the safest going forward. They probably just forgot when arranging for so many people.

There’s no way they would have made you eat an alternative meal from the downstairs restaurant alone down there.
I think you’re exaggerating just a little there.

They were thoughtless rather than unkind. I understand your frustration, but it’s one of those shrug it off situations.

Wild that there was no veggie option. Did you ask?

99% of weddings do exactly this. Have you not been to many weddings? That said, wedding invites always specifically ask you to mention dietary requirements on the RSVP!

Me too!
Especially the gravy covered veg, what restaurant does that??
As for saying someone who has an allergy to the menu would have to eat downstairs by themselves... odder than odd!

This. Beforehand (ILs' fault if they didn't pass that on) and on the day (restaurant's fault if they didn't ask).

My parents' social group seems to have plenty of people who now can't eat one thing or another that they would have been fine with 30 years ago

Yes, if they were worried about the price, they could have offered at least a couple of meat choices and one non-meat. Ditto with the starter and sides. If this was the restaurant's decision to only offer one choice, they are a pretty crappy restaurant. I would have only eaten the cheesecake (and eaten DH's too) as I also will not eat salmon or lamb.

I do admit that I am a fussy eater, though.

Weren't there any vegetarians in the group? Seems quite unusual. Do you think your ILs chose salmon and lamb deliberately to piss you off? More likely they just chose their own favourites.
I was once given a pub meal covered in gravy, which I don't like. I sent it back and asked for one without. Wasn't a problem. You could've just asked for a plate of veg and maybe an omelette or something like that.

Because it makes her feel ill. Why should she force down food that makes her physically sick?

Eeuch, hate lamb, the smell and taste. Will eat anything else. I also don't think your being "fussy"

Wedding meals in a restaurant/ hotel would always accommodate allergies / vegetarians even if not warned in advance.

I’m sure you weren’t the only one OP - I don’t like lamb either and eat most things - I’m amazed there wasn’t another option though - it was certainly a bit thoughtless

I imagine it wasn't them thinking you should just deal with what was being served, rather there were many people involved in this meal and they just forgot about your dietary requirements. I do find it odd through that a vegetarian option wasn't on offer.

I don't blame the ILs for forgetting what the OP can and can't eat - I don't know people's preferences offhand, I can never remember who's vegan and who's just vegetarian and I know one of my friends intensely dislikes one thing but I have to check with her every time whether it's cauliflower or mushroom.

But that's the thing, if I'm hosting then I check. I will always ask people to remind me of their preferences and allergies. And that should be even easier if you're hosting at a restaurant and they've asked you - that's your cue to check with your guests.

ILs should have sent an email to all their guests asking about preferences and allergies so they could get back to the restaurant. That's incumbent of them as decent hosts and there's no excuse for failing to do it.

I'm quite shocked that the restaurant was so rigid but this is ultimately the ILs' fault. I don't necessarily think they did out of malice - some people really just don't think - but it makes them terrible hosts.

Terrible hosts don't get to be guests at anything I'm hosting.

I can’t believe the restaurant wouldn’t have served you something different in the same room (even if you had to pay extra for it)