To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

[Shardlake63]

My PILs have just celebrated a significant wedding anniversary.
As part of that celebration, they hosted dinner in a private room at a local (to them) restaurant for their extended family - about 20 of us in total.
I am definitely not a picky eater. I eat pretty much everything, except salmon (which I am allergic to - it brings me out in a very itchy rash) and lamb (which I have always hated, and even the smell makes me want to throw up). My PILs are fully aware of this.
We travelled the best part of 200 miles to attend this dinner, not to mention the cost of an overnight stay in a local hotel as relatives with spare rooms were already full with their own sons/daughters and families staying overnight.
The meal was a set dinner - no choice or alternative was offered.
First course was smoked salmon, which I could not eat due to my allergy. Fair enough, I thought I would just fill up on the main course. However, the main course turned out to be a roast lamb dinner.
Apart from the smell of it knocking me sick, I couldn't even just eat the veg as it came to the table already smothered in a lamb based gravy.😥
I ended up just eating the dessert - a slice of lemon cheesecake - which was lovely, but hardly a satisfying substitution for what should have been a 3 course dinner.
AIBU to be upset at the lack of thought and consideration here? I was quite happy to forego the starter, but most restaurants do at least offer a vegetarian alternative for the main, which I would have been more than happy with. I also eat beef, chicken, pork, turkey, duck etc. and other fish (including shellfish) - I am not a fussy eater by any stretch of the imagination, so it would not have been difficult for my in-laws to ask the restaurant to provide me with an alternative to the lamb.
As it was, I had barely any dinner and by the time the meal was finished it was too late for me to eat anywhere else.
Am I being unreasonable to think they could at least have ordered me a vegetarian alternative in the full knowledge that I wouldn't be able to eat/didn't like their choice of set meal?

I'm her to say she's being unreasonable to keep whining about it. Obviously. This is AIBU, not agree with me please. I can think what I like about it.

You would. It's not a standard, it's just biology.

When I go into someone’s home to eat they always ask me beforehand what I don’t eat.
I always ask people eating at my house what they don’t eat unless I already know. I have a SIL is allergic to a lot of food and yes she really is allergic to them. I check every time she comes. If I am treating people, I want them to enjoy it. I would not eat something I didn’t like even if it cost thousands.

it’s not ideal but as a vegetarian of 35 years standing I’ve experienced being uncatered for many’s a time and just suck it up. I do think that the restaurant could have done much more to help resolve this. Why on earth would you have had to eat the alternative meal in the other restaurant? Surely they could just bring it up. Understand them not wanting to bring 20 meals up, but it’s just one in extraneous circumstances. Or they surely didn’t only have the amount of veg served up available so could have given you an ungravied plateful.

Why do some people end up having to be fed by a tube then?
Sometimes no matter how starving someone is they simply will not eat.

@Needmorelego yes, if someone has an eating order they can end up needing to be tube fed.

The OP is just talking about being served a disgusting meal though that many of us within it…all that gravy, yuck!

Absolutely.

Yes, that was poor form.

My autistic older sister would have also struggled. Hates fish in it's natural state (will do breaded at a push), and absolutely despises all roast meats apart from chicken (it's a textural thing), and HATES cheesecake!
I am actually chuckling at the thought of her being confronted with this meal. She's one of those people who wears every feeling on her face as well... She'd have been FUMING.

But like you, she'd have happily have had a veggie alternative.

I find it really odd that people have massive functions for wedding anniversaries that guests travel hundreds of miles for involving hotel stays. Not the point of the thread I know...

People have celebrated milestone wedding anniversaries for decades. Silver, Ruby, Gold and Diamond. My parents celebrated all of those with a meal or a party. I organised the last three of them.

He could have asked for help from the nearby family members. I highly doubt anyone would have said no to helping him/them considering the event.

There were 20 people, I doubt no one would have helped do that for them.

It’s very poor form that the restaurant couldn’t even find you a piece of bread or a plate of vegetables or something and bring it up to you. Obviously, the main fault is with your FIL, but a catering establishment should be ashamed to not be able to offer any alternative food or be flexible in these circumstances.

I kind of agree but I guess they believed that everyone there had a chance to choose what they wanted.

I can’t imagine how when everyone was having the same thing - which was probably at their suggestion.

Easy to say if there’s nothing that you don’t like enough. Lots of poor people have a food they won’t eat. I offered a homeless chap a ham sandwich once and he said “no thanks I don’t like ham”. If you can’t stand it you can’t stand it, it doesn’t matter how much money you’ve got. Having one food like that is neither unusual nor fussy.

@lovemeblender Really? My in-laws had a do for their Golden (50th) anniversary. It's really common for people to celebrate life milestones.

Meal/party yes, but a party where guests have to travel to and book a hotel? I wouldn't even be keen to do that for my own parents (who I love dearly)

@lovemeblender It entirely depends on how spread out the family is. For my in-law's Golden anniversary, three branches of the family flew in and stayed in hotels; other family members drove several hours to celebrate with them and also stayed.

After reading this thread, one thing that DH and his siblings got right is that my in-laws were treated to a special meal as part of the celebrations (they didn't organize it themselves) and it wasn't a set menu, it was just in a nice restaurant and their children split the bill. Much easier than trying to remember what various relatives can/can't eat:-).

It’s inevitable if a family is spread far and wide. Sometimes people travel from other countries.

But OP you haven't answered the question, surely someone at the table said something when you did not touch your starter or main?

She has - her husband ate her starter and she played with her main. So it wasn’t obvious.

There is no way that there wasn't some kind of discussion beforehand, an email with a tick box or something. There is no way 20 people have been fed with no questions being had about dietary needs beforehand.
And for the meal to consist of the two things you can't eat it?

I just don't believe it.

Oh dear OP. I guess pre warned is pre armed if FIL invites you to anything else catered!

I had a similar (but less upsetting) experience last summer. My DSis and DBIL are a year apart in age. She threw a surprise 50th for him two years ago, and he threw a surprise 50th for her. In the time between the two events I became gluten intolerant. BIL didn't ask for dietary needs and I didn't volunteer the info because I assumed the food would be similar to the previous event. But it wasn't - it was all sandwich based and every item in the buffet had gluten in except a few cherry tomatoes!

I had to sneak downstairs to the cafe and order and pay for a baked potato. The woman who brought it told me off for not telling them in advance. But it was better than some separate shrink wrapped item!

I reckon I got away with it (nieces covered for me) but the difference is DBIL is a kindly soul who would have been mortified! And I did feel it was somewhat my fault, but I was also reluctant to be demanding.

Number one rule of hosting though is make your guests comfortable.

Despite being told by the person involved that there was no discussion as FIL just wanted to sort it himself?

why do you think someone would invent such a niche story. What’s the point.

How has she “kept whining about it”.

she didn’t say anything during the meal to be polite. She’s posted one AIBU about it. Hardly a sustained campaign of victimhood?

it’s not about agreeing with her, you’re saying it should never have been mentioned by her afterwards.