To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

[Shardlake63]

My PILs have just celebrated a significant wedding anniversary.
As part of that celebration, they hosted dinner in a private room at a local (to them) restaurant for their extended family - about 20 of us in total.
I am definitely not a picky eater. I eat pretty much everything, except salmon (which I am allergic to - it brings me out in a very itchy rash) and lamb (which I have always hated, and even the smell makes me want to throw up). My PILs are fully aware of this.
We travelled the best part of 200 miles to attend this dinner, not to mention the cost of an overnight stay in a local hotel as relatives with spare rooms were already full with their own sons/daughters and families staying overnight.
The meal was a set dinner - no choice or alternative was offered.
First course was smoked salmon, which I could not eat due to my allergy. Fair enough, I thought I would just fill up on the main course. However, the main course turned out to be a roast lamb dinner.
Apart from the smell of it knocking me sick, I couldn't even just eat the veg as it came to the table already smothered in a lamb based gravy.😥
I ended up just eating the dessert - a slice of lemon cheesecake - which was lovely, but hardly a satisfying substitution for what should have been a 3 course dinner.
AIBU to be upset at the lack of thought and consideration here? I was quite happy to forego the starter, but most restaurants do at least offer a vegetarian alternative for the main, which I would have been more than happy with. I also eat beef, chicken, pork, turkey, duck etc. and other fish (including shellfish) - I am not a fussy eater by any stretch of the imagination, so it would not have been difficult for my in-laws to ask the restaurant to provide me with an alternative to the lamb.
As it was, I had barely any dinner and by the time the meal was finished it was too late for me to eat anywhere else.
Am I being unreasonable to think they could at least have ordered me a vegetarian alternative in the full knowledge that I wouldn't be able to eat/didn't like their choice of set meal?

Yes. It’s the very definition of a first world problem.

How I grew up is relevant; there was never enough meat/protein, no room for dislikes. Hunger is the best seasoning.

And I’ve eaten in a mix! Including London gastro pubs with gravy already on the plate (although probably in those cases only on the meat and Yorkshire). I just didn’t blink when I read the OP as it’s something I’ve seen plenty of times myself.

Then why bother following the thread, as you have been doing?
Haven't you got anything better to do?

Dislikes are different to aversions. I don't particularly like sprouts, but I'd eat them if they were served and I was hungry. I could have no eaten for three days and couldn't stomach an egg in any form.

If you don't have issues with food, that's super lovely for you but doesn't mean people that do are lying.

No I haven’t. I’m happily watching the tennis and reading Mumsnet.

Are you expecting everyone to agree with you?

@derxa, You come across as condoning poor hosting to the point of ignoring an allergy. If finding it unacceptable is a first world problem, I can live with that. Never would I put a family member's health at risk.

If you hadn't eaten for 3 days, you absolutely would stomach an egg. Unless you're allergic, and even then you'd probably give it a go.

I can assure you I wouldn't. I would not get it past my mouth. I've tried multiple times over the years. I will vomit.

If you haven't experienced that, then you have no basis for telling someone else what they will or won't do.

Also. This poster is talking about one meal. It wasn't the basis of saving her life was it, why should she choke it down?

I don’t think YABU - I can eat salmon but like you have a really strong aversion to lamb and just the smell makes me gag. I would be sick if I tried to eat it and don’t have any control over this. So I would have left the meal hungry too!

Your FIL was clearly unreasonable but realistically he’s not going to change or admit that he was in the wrong so not much you can do about it. I hope you were able to get a fish supper or tasty alternative afterwards!

I’m not condoning poor hosting. However there were other people at the event who presumably enjoyed the food and the occasion. Including the OP’s DH and DD. We’ve all gone to social events where the catering was poor.

You've obviously never witnessed actual food deprivation and starvation then. You would eat the egg.
It's totally fine to just say you're a bit picky because you can be. It's not a moral issue, you don't need to eat the egg (but you would).

She didn't have to choke it down. And she didn't. But it was one dinner. Just let it go. Not everything needs to be about our personal preferences.

Ah, I thought so. Personally, if a thread was upsetting me as much as this one seems to be upsetting you, I think I’d have turned my attention elsewhere by now.
Enjoy the tennis!

@Shardlake63 , you are far too nice.

There should always be a vegetarian option. It was damned rude.

DH should raise this with his father - what an inconsiderate and selfish man! (your FiL I mean).
And where is the faff? Presumably everyone invited is on his email, he just has to put their names in (and they will come up if they are frequently posted) and send out the menu with a deadline for reply!

That is a weird assumption. If someone is so adverse to a food that it makes them gag and vomit, starvation isn’t going to all of sudden change their mind. They’re still highly likely going to be sick anyway and worse off, even more so if it is an allergy.

Are you one of those types that don’t believe in allergies?

Of course I beleive in allergies. Aversions (just extreme pickiness) on the other hand do tend to vanish if actually deprived of food for days. Luckily that's all a bit hypothetical and irrelevant for most of us on mumsnet I imagine.

And then he has to record and collate the results and chase up non responders. When we booked private dining the venue recommended that everyone had the same meal and so we chose for them.

If you went to someone’s house you wouldn’t expect to choose your food. Nor at a wedding or any mass catered dinner. This is just a stick for someone to beat their ils with.

My DF often had private dinners in local hotels to thank people who helped him. There were usually more than 20 people. I don’t remember anyone gagging or getting upset at the food. We were there for him. He was a well loved member of the local and farming community.

What do you think the point of mums et forums are? Noones on here asking for life saving advice. Virtually every thread is something that could be let go. This is literally a forum to ask if she’s being unreasonable about a scenario. Baffled as to why you’re taking part in it if no one should be discussing it at all.

No, I wouldn’t. Stop judging other people by your standards.