For refusing to change a 6 year old?

[Bernie6678]

So I’m 20 years old, at uni and working as a TA. I want to be a KS2 teacher. This is my first year working with children, I have no past experience, no children of my own etc. Posting here to get opinions from mums.

Anyway I’ve recently been moved from the year 5 classroom (which I loved) to year 1 and there’s multiple children who wet themselves and one of them actually poos himself quite regularly. No SEN. I understand the odd accident but this is happening a few times a week…
I’ve said I don’t feel comfortable changing children as this isn’t in my contract or job description and I’ve had no intimate care training. (Personally for minimum wage I’d rather not be dealing with poo and changing children).
I also think when a child wets themselves at this age they should be capable of going and changing themselves. We have lots of spare clothes and baby wipes here.

I’ve refused so the teacher or another TA changes the children.

Apparently the teacher has now complained about me because she’s having to do it when her previous TA would do it no questions asked. Previous TA has now had to go off on sick leave.

AIBU? They’re 6 years old?!

My dh and ds went to school before 5 in the late 70s so it did vary

I understand why you don’t want to and as a teacher, I don’t feel it is my job either but I take turns with teaching assistants because I think it’s fair and playing my part in the team

I think if more parents were. Inconvenienced they’d have less accidents!

Most children started school as "rising fives" in the past, ie the term in which they had their fifth birthdays, rather than the term after. Yes, more mothers were able to stay at home longer but there were fewer gadgets to make tgwylife easier. In the end, it is still the parents' responsibility to ensure that their children have the basic life skills, including toilet training, that they need for school. Everyone is talking about SENs and physical disabilities. These are there, of course, but the vast majority of children, even with fairly significant special needs, are able to be clean and dry in the day by the time they are four at the very latest. The vast numbers of children arriving at school in nappies that did not do so in such numbers even ten years ago, points to more of a societal change and is very sad.

@Violinist64 Just thinking back to when my dc started pre-school and school. I don’t recall anyone in nappies then, and that was about twenty years ago. In fact, I don’t think you were allowed to start the pre school if you were in nappies.

My relative started full time school the term in which he turned 4, this was years ago. Parents had to make sure their DCs were fully toilet trained. You are completely in your rights to refuse to change a child.

You have read her contract then I take it?

That's rubbish. Children with disabilities are more likely to take significantly longer.

And where do you think they should go? There are not spaces in specialist schools and even if there were that wouldn't be right for all disabled children with continence difficulties.

Perhaps that is the issue now, they are allowed not to be toilet trained so perhaps some dps haven’t worried as much.

also the child led stuff about them telling you they are ready

The lack of spaces for SEN isn't a burden for TAs to bear.

No it isn't but that doesn't answer the question of where you think they should go if you think they should not allowed in mainstream.

It isn't just that, it's also the fact that not all disabled children with continence issues are suitable for special school either.

Even if there were ample spaces, it wouldn't be suitable for my son.

Well it depends on whst you mean as fairly significant special needs I suspect whst i class as significant special needs is very different to whst you class them as.

Except that it is. As is quite obvious by OP's situation.

It shouldn't be, but it is.

I worked in nurseries between 2005-2012 and it was extremely rare that a child got to 3 still in nappies, I think I can remember maybe less than 5 in the whole 7 years I was there (excluding disabled children) when my daughter started school nursery at 3 in 2023 around half her class were still in nappies, it's changed so fast and I can't understand why

Or look at it another way those children who were delayed toilet training for whatever reason just were not allowed in school and that's why you didn't see them?

I think it's something you need to learn really, as there will always be some children who are developmentally behind or have accidents. You need to have proper training though as most schools have a procedure to follow. Often two members of staff have to be present anyway.
It's not something I'd be particularly comfortable with even though I've had two children, as it would be quite different with children who are so much bigger. I work as a supply TA so I am generally not allowed to do this sort of thing as I am not a permanent staff member.

No, it isn't.
No matter how man entitled people try to normalise that, it isn't.

Have you come up with an answer yet? About how does it if OP refuses?

Do you mean who does it?
Yes, several times but aapparently you've missed that/don't like it.

Standard TA contracts don't include changing soiled DC. It is done on a voluntary basis if at all and after intimate care training which OP has not been given. It's the parents job not teachers or TA's. I taught for over 20 years and it was never in my teaching contract.

Ah, the deflection.

You not acknowledging or liking a response isn't me deflecting.
I won't be engaging with you any further.

This is incorrect. If a role requires intimate care it needs to be specified in the employee's contract. We had a similar issue where I worked and we took it to the union and that's what they came back with, in writing

Then you won't have to give an answer at all. Very good, you've dodged that one.

Off you pop.