I could really use some advice.
My boyfriend (turning 40 this week) met my best friend for the first time last week over dinner. It was a pretty quiet setting, just us and my son. I’d been looking forward to it as I really care about them both and wanted it to go well. We've been together about ten months now.
But he showed up really performative and laddy. He told a long (quite loud) story about how he and his mates changed their friend’s name by deed poll as a joke on a lads’ holiday the other week after he went home with a girl on a night out and I just found it a bit much. I made a light comment like, “Well if you ever did that to me, I’d never speak to you again,” and he snapped back with something like, “Well if you ran off with another man and didn’t come home, I’d never speak to you again.” He said it multiple times, and it felt unnecessarily pointed and mean — especially when that wasn’t even the topic. It made things awkward and weird.
He bought some new trainers on his trip and then made some remarks about his saying, “Does she like them? Who knows, she hasn't even seen them, she doesn't care." It felt kind of sarcastic and a bit unnecessary.
He’s usually thoughtful, kind, and funny, but this felt very ‘laddy’ and almost obnoxious — talking over people, joking about things that felt inappropriate for the setting. We were at a quiet meal, and I just wasn’t expecting it.
When he came back from the toilet sniffing and suddenly got even louder and more hyper, I did wonder if he’d had a bump of coke. I asked him later, and he said no and that he found it hurtful I even asked. I know he has coke every now and then when out with mates, but this wasn’t that kind of setting. It left me feeling like he was trying too hard to be “funny” in front of my friend and it felt out of place.
I don’t know if I’m overreacting. Usually, he’s great — he works in social work and talks so lovingly about the kids he works with. I really like him and I can see how thoughtful and kind he is and actually funny with good humour not laddy bantz, but this behaviour just threw me off, and I don’t know if I should mention it to him or just chalk it up to nerves.
I know people handle nerves differently, and maybe he was trying to impress. But it left me feeling disappointed and he didn't make a good impression and I felt really ashamed and not proud of him.
Would you say this is a red flag or just nerves and let it go?