Lodger freakout deposit IDKif i can do this anymore

[ForOliveTiger]

Lodger is insisting on deducting her deposit from this months rent before leaving the house. It's now incredibly awkward and I have to live with her for another 3-4 weeks.

We have been going round in circles for hours. She has run up a £1,000 British Gas bill by having 1 hour shower every night. I feel like she's trying to bully and intimidate me and I really don't feel comfortable with her in my home anymore. The fact she is so insistent makes me think there IS damage she doesn't want me to know about.

I have unreservedly reassured her I will refund her deposit but she won't have it.

Why not just tell her to leave?

Erm…what?

i have a heart

what can i clarify for you?

If she is bullying you it’s not appropriate to “have a heart” surely?

You edited as I posted, makes sense now! I’d just tell her to leave. Having a heart is all well and good but she clearly isn’t bothered.

Tell her that’s not how it works and if she doesn’t pay the rent you will kick her out

ah op that’s wild. Tell her she must pay the last months rent and the deposit will be returned to her when an inspection is completed. The only alternative is that she has to leave ASAP as she has not paid rent to stay. A £1000 gas bill. Ffs I would be raging

A lodger does not have anywhere near the same rights as a tenant. Just tell them time's up, they need to leave this week.

this is our convo, is she being a bit of a bully/.../??? Or am i?

][01/07/2025, 20:41:36] NOBODY: Regarding the deposit, I’ll have to request the full months rent and if you send me your details I’ll return it to you provided there’s no damage
[01/07/2025, 21:00:03] lodger: Seriously !
As long as there is no damage!!
You can't see how well I handle everything.
I even leave the door open and you use what you need.
[01/07/2025, 21:00:25] NOBODY: I’m sorry but that’s how is works in the UK, deposit is returned after move out
[01/07/2025, 21:04:51] lodger: I know how it works in the UK.
I rented a house for 5 years.
I'll pay the difference today, right?
That's what I'll do.
Thanks .
[01/07/2025, 21:07:10] NOBODY: If you leave your bank details I can return it, if it’s immaculate I can refund it to you, there’s no need to panic
[01/07/2025, 21:14:37] lodger: I'm not panicking, .

I don't know what you mean by flawless...
There are signs of use, nothing more.

I don't think it's fair for you to act like this.

I'll pay the difference and everything will be fine.
[01/07/2025, 21:15:06] NOBODY: I’m sorry but I must insist on the full rent payment, and I can return the money after you leave
[01/07/2025, 21:18:03] NOBODY: it’s also insurance in case you left later, for example, not just for damages
[01/07/2025, 21:18:50] lodger: Look, you don't need to send me the laws, I know.
but that's with a contract, which is not the case.
[01/07/2025, 21:19:33] NOBODY: Sorry, there’s nothing I can do
[01/07/2025, 21:20:02] NOBODY: I didn’t agree to return the deposit before you left
[01/07/2025, 21:21:00] NOBODY: I’m not saying I will keep the deposit, I just need it in case
[01/07/2025, 21:21:08] lodger: I joined on the 1st and I'll leave on the 31st or the 1st.
I'm not going to stay any longer.
And if I did, I'd pay separately.
I wouldn't run away.
[01/07/2025, 21:21:43] NOBODY: please leave £625, this is the end of the matter for me, and i will return your deposit after you leave to the bank details you provided. Thanks
[01/07/2025, 21:25:10] lodger: In case what happens ... I won't mess up the room now, I'll even leave some things here.
[01/07/2025, 21:25:36] NOBODY: if you want to leave £225 are you able to leave on the 10th?
[01/07/2025, 21:29:03] lodger: I'm not leaving on the 10th, it's my right to stay until the end of the month.

I don't want to talk about anymore.
I've rented rooms before and I've always done it that way.
[01/07/2025, 21:29:17] NOBODY: Sorry but I must ask for the £625
[01/07/2025, 21:30:12] NOBODY: I have rented rooms for the last 3 years and always done it this way
[01/07/2025, 21:32:36] lodger: Look , I don't want to go through with this.
I've always been kind and fair to you.
I don't deserve what you're doing.
If you don't want the difference, that's fine.
I'll give you 225 at the end of the month and that's it.
[01/07/2025, 21:33:28] NOBODY: then you will have to leave on the 10th
[01/07/2025, 21:33:51] NOBODY: I will return the deposit but after you leave
[01/07/2025, 21:36:00] lodger: For me to leave on the 10th, you are the one who has to give me back the money.
[01/07/2025, 21:36:20] NOBODY: i think this is the end of the discussion now. Thanks lodger
[01/07/2025, 21:42:32] lodger: I can leave on July 20th.
I won't pay you any more and you won't pay me back.
That can be the case, if you want.
Thanks, .
tell me.
[01/07/2025, 21:43:02] NOBODY: this is the end of the discussion
[01/07/2025, 21:44:29] lodger: No , I need to know when it came out, I have my stuff.
[01/07/2025, 21:52:29] NOBODY: you will get your deposit back, but after you move out
[01/07/2025, 21:54:22] : I don't know why you're doing this.

I don't have any money here anymore.

I just have money from my day-to-day work.
[01/07/2025, 21:55:12] NOBODY: im not doing anything , this was the agreement
[01/07/2025, 21:57:18] lodger: No, the agreement was, 400 down payment that would be returned later, it was not agreed how.
It was not even discussed, ok.
[01/07/2025, 21:58:54] lodger: Well, I don't want to talk about it anymore.
I left on July 20th.
and you don't return anything and I don't pay anything anymore.
OK, I'm not going to talk about it anymore.
[01/07/2025, 22:00:16] lodger: And don't worry, I'm not dangerous.
I'm just a mother who wants to go home in peace.

What do you mean, deducting her deposit before she leaves the house? She wants her deposit back before she leaves?

No, absolutely not. Fuck no, hell no, not a fkin chance. Not a chance on earth.

Dont be manipulated, don't be swayed, dont be a pushover.

Do not give any deposit until you have determined no outstanding bills, no debts, no catalogues, no damage.

i posted the full convo with zero redactions above, AIBU or is she?

Surely you put it into a protection scheme therefore couldnt do this anyway?

lodgers dont have protection schemes. dont take this the wrong way but please can only landlords comment x

she is being unreasonable.

You could find out she had order 1k worth of stuff from a catalogue in the weeks before she left, had it delivered elsewhere and the debt is on your house. Dont even give a deposit back while they are still in the house.

i find her insistence to be suspicious and tbh this just makes me want her to leave immediately

This doesn’t apply to lodging arrangements.

OP - tell her to leave NOW. Do you have any family and/or friends who can support you if she makes trouble?

Ah, any written record of this being the case then, return after leavijg etc

yeah thank god my mum and her partner are nearby. i have asked him to come over on thursday and speak to her. i dont want her here :(

she specifically asked for no contract, probs so sh could bully me to hell and back over the deposit

Hi how on earth can an hours showering rack up a grand.
Over what amount of time?

Well, youve left yourself exposed. Youve learnt a huge lesson here.

If you ever do this again, you call all the shots

Insistence on no contract shoukd have had you running for the hills

electric heating is expensive. i told her to reduce her showers after getting the bill and her response was for her to shower whenever i left the house so she could sneak her 1 hour shower. and then told me 'what she pays is enough for a long shower'. ugh!!!

An hour shower every night would not rack up a grand
Are you sure she wasn't running a cannabis farm?

i am currently in dispute with the energy supplier over it as i dont think its accurate but if it is, i would put it down to that. idk maybe she kept the heat on overnight, i have no clue