Would you be friends with your MIL if you weren’t related?

[ThisPlumZebra]

Serious question. Mine means well (I think?), but if I met her randomly at a school event or in a coffee shop… I don’t think we’d even make it past small talk 😬
Too many “little comments,” too many surprise visits, and definitely too many parenting opinions.
Anyone actually likes their MIL here? Enlighten me.

No, but that’s partly because she’s very introverted and shy and has very few friends her own age, let alone thirty years younger. I don’t dislike her though.

Absolutely not, we have nothing in common and I find her to be very boring company. She'd say the same, we're not friends material. We get on well enough, but neither of us would voluntarily spend time together.

I like my MiL, she explained to me once that her MiL was so terrible she always promised herself she would be a nice MiL. I can't say if we would have been friends in other circumstances as i can't see how I would have met her. I can only think of one occasion that we would have been in the same place if I wasn't in a relationship with her son and that's graduation and he would have had no reason to introduce me. We did bond over crafting, I taught her to cross-stitch amd she taught me to quilt so we may have been friends if we had been to the same class, but we live in different cities so that's unlikely to to happen now.

This genuinely made me laugh out loud - no. I'd cross the street to avoid her. She's astonishingly negative.

And yet she brought up my DH, who I absolutely adore - very odd!

Well I don't consider myself related to my in laws to start with, but would I be friends with them if I'd met them in any other context than via DH? Probably not. I have nothing against them but we have very little in terms of common interests etc. Had I met any of them at a social event I would happily have chatted with them for a while, and I'd have thought "oh, they seem like decent people" but I don't think anything would have made me suggest we meet up again. Or if they were work colleagues they'd have stayed as the "happy to sit next to you at the Christmas do" stage of relationship, not become the kind of colleagues that are actually real friends outside work.
I quite like one of my sisters in law but in all honesty, if DH and I split, or more likely now, given our ages and how long we've been married, he died, I don't think I'd see much if anything of his family afterwards. I wouldn't be cheering about never having to see them again but it wouldn't particularly bother me if I didn't. We live a long way apart and I don't imagine any of us would invest much effort into keeping the relationship going. If we were geographically close,it is maybe a bit more likely that we'd stay in touch but I'm pretty ambivalent about them and it's probably reciprocated.

@AgeingDoc — yes, I said the same thing. I’m quite fond of my PIL, but I’ve never considered myself to be related to them. I’m the wife and mother of someone who is is related to them, but that’s as far as it goes.

Yes I would. I’m not actually with my ex anymore but that doesn’t mean to say his mum isn’t nice. I’ve always liked her and always will.

No we wouldn't be friends but we could be acquaintances or friendly colleagues. She is a nice person but a bit anti social, doesn't like people in her house, is wary of strangers etc. She has a lot of issues and MH struggles. She has no sense of adventure or much sense of humour. Nothing wrong with that but not my kind of person. I don't disrespect her though.

Edited to add, it's a moot point anyhow because she doesn't have friends and never really had. Even if I wanted to be her best pal she would keep me at arms length. That's just how she is.

No way, my MiL is far too cool for me and I would have no chance of being friends with her!

But she is absolutely lovely and given the chance I would be yes.

My MIL is lovely, but I don't think we'd be friends just because we don't have a lot in common (other than my DH). But I'm very glad she's my MIL

No, we have absolutely nothing in common.

Fuck no!

im currently really poorly and confined to bed rest. She told my DH that if I lost weight I’d be fine!

absolutely NOTHING to do with my health issue. The final straw in a very long list. And she reckons ‘wrackmybrain hates me’

No, she's a bully.

DH (he needs more therapy), Me, our autistic DD.

Her thoughtlessness is legendary in her family, and people would actively come and rescue me if she or FIL were talking to me at parties - they'd bad-mouthed me behind my back so so badly that no one wanted me to be alone with them.

I've seen them twice in 7 years - both in the last 6 months (family party and then a meal at a pub). These were the first times since they'd insulted my sweet autistic 9 year old (with hearing loss and a speech impediment - that was her only crime). I've said to DH once or twice a year - and only ever in public. MIL is queen of the private-space nasty digs.

Mine was lovely. Occasionally a bit bossy, hopelessly and disastrously generous with money but it was a pleasure to know here and she wasn't dull

Love my MIL to bits, she is the kindest, most generous person I know. She doesn't judge, interfere or bother anyone. She welcomed me into the family from the first day I met her as she says she knew when DH first brought me to meet them that I was the woman he would marry. I was the only girl he had ever taken to meet the family, so after only 3 weeks together she knew how he felt about me before I did! 2 other DIL's think the world of her as well and grandkids all adore her. It saddens me to read some of the stories on here.

I never met mine, died when he was 8. I like to think I would.

Yeah I think we’d be friends if our paths crossed. She is warm, kind and good fun. I like hanging out with her so yes. The fact she adores my children just puts the cherry on the top. I feel lucky

I'd be friends with my MIL but not my mother. My MIL is lovely.

My MIL is another who's very blinkered about her sons. BIL and SIL lived with them for a while, then SIL wanted to live independently before they bought a house together - because she wanted to live together without MIL coddling her partner.

They split up after a few months living together, and then got back together - MIL told the whole story as if SIL had seen the error of her ways, her sainted son had done nothing wrong.

SIL was actually being very sensible, and half of the break up was that BIL was a lazy git who didn't tidy up after himself.

Absolutely not! My MIL is a very bitter person who is very racist and she is incredibly manipulative. It’s always got to be all about her and she’s driven away many family members due to her behaviour. DH said in the past “it’s just how she is” but that doesn’t mean I have to accept her vile attitudes or nasty barbed comments. Hence I cut her off about 8 years ago and refuse any kind of contact with her. DH can visit as often as he wants but I don’t. She pushed me to my limits.

I don’t understand why people expect themselves or other people be friends with their pils. As I said, cordiality is the target. The problem arises when women forget that their partner and their children have shared life experience and history with the pils and she doesn’t. It’s an entirely different relationship. You can’t-and shouldn’t- try to mediate it.
Caveat. Real abuse excepted, of course.

Absolutely not lol