Would you be friends with your MIL if you weren’t related?

[ThisPlumZebra]

Serious question. Mine means well (I think?), but if I met her randomly at a school event or in a coffee shop… I don’t think we’d even make it past small talk 😬
Too many “little comments,” too many surprise visits, and definitely too many parenting opinions.
Anyone actually likes their MIL here? Enlighten me.

Oh 100%, mine js amazing.

No way! My MIL has been dead 20yrs now. Even if we'd been colleagues at work I wouldn't have had time for her. No-one good enough for her precious son; no hobbies so lived through her adult kids; extremely opinionated, with derogatory comments about anyone dating or marrying in to the family; always wanting to be seen as better than everyone else, or having better than anyone else. Not my type of person at all.

Friendly in the way you are to people you see often but know little about but that’s it.

Probably not, we don't have any interests in common. But she's a lovely person and surely one of the joys of extended families is that you spend time with people you don't necessarily have a lot in common with and make the best of it and get on anyway. They rub the edges off.

I had a wonderful relationship with my late MIL.

it was tricky at the start, I was 17 when her son also 17 and I started dating, she was definitely of the view that I was taking her son away and her last child to leave home etc. I never argued, was never rude to her, even though it was really difficult at the time. We bought a tiny flat at 18, and DH and I moved in together.

When we lost FIL, we really supported her through that horrible time. Then we got married. And years later had our children, who she absolutely idolised my sons could not have wished for a more fabulous GP.

Late MIL was the first person, I would turn to for advice. She viewed me as a daughter. We got on so well. When we lost her, I didn’t think I would ever stop crying. It was a totally awful time, accepting she had gone. She was absolutely great.

My children are adults now, and I can see how difficult it can be at times to be MIL. But I have always made gf very welcome in our home,I can’t make someone like me, that is for them to decide. But until you see the other side of the fence, I would save judging MIL so harshly.

Realistically probably not as she was a different generation to me and we didn't have a lot in common. I was very fond of her though, she was an amazing woman who had lived a very interesting life - I miss her. She was also a lovely Grandmother to my children and wasn't critical of my parenting. I think I was luckier than most!

Yes…. Maybe not close friends but definitely the type to share the occasional glass of wine. We have similar interests and she is never mean. Prefer hanging out with her than my mum who makes small digs and goes into infinite details around health appointments and is younger than mil

Absolutely not. We are polar opposites and we do not get on. She has said some absolutely awful things over the years which mean I tolerate her. She has similar relationships with all her DILs.

Yet similarly to another poster has lots of friends our age with DC similar ages to her DGC and she is absolutely wonderful with them. I think she actually prefers them to her family but she doesn't ever acknowledge any wrongdoing or complete lack of effort to form relationships with her DILs or DGCs

Yes.

I love my MIL very much and I like her company. But that maybe due to us living nearly 2hrs from.each other.

Sadly, no.

I'd love to be but she just doesn't "get" me, we've had a couple of clashes in the past, and she already has her favourite DIL that she loves.

I adore step-MIL though.

Absolutely not.
Although if she was my friend, I wouldn't need enemies!!

Yes, my MIL is wonderful 😊

It's a forced relationship between somebody who is approx 25 and another who is approx 50 with the added dynamic of (normally) a male in the middle who they both want their share of.

On paper it's destined to fail

Yes. She is wonderful.

I was recently away for the weekend with MIL and Other-MIL (DH's MiL - his late first wife's mum) as they wanted to treat me for my birthday. It was bliss.

My amazing Nana and my luck to have two amazing MIL's (and to be fair my exes mum is wonderful as well) makes up for my shitty abusive parents. I consider myself very lucky

God no. She personifies the opposite of what i look for in friends. She’s racist, rigid, judgmental and incredibly tedious

First MIL no, we didn't have anything in common and to my shame, I made no effort. Second one yes, I liked her a lot, she was quirky and funny. But I think I definitely made more effort second time round.

I've never had a mother in law, but I never see most of my relatives. We have nothing in common. Some of them I wouldn't recognise on the street let alone spend time with except from weddings and funerals.

Absolutely not we have nothing in common.
She also has made mean and upsetting comments over the years that I absolutely wouldn’t of put up with from a friend.

My MIL is a lovely person and I like her very, very much much. But she's more than 30 years older than me and we're not alike in terms of personality or interests, so our paths would have been very unlikely to have crossed, and we're so different that I doubt a friendship would have got off the ground. We have found common ground and interests because of the family relationship.

I was friends with my mother in law and we went out together regularly but I probably wouldn’t have been friends with her in normal circumstances. I think that I would have been friends with my daughter in law if we’d met at work or something. We get on great together and do lots of things independently from my son. I love her and treat her as my daughter and I think she feels the same way. She also great with my elderly dad and helps out with him and he classes her as his granddaughter. I’m lucky when it comes to family

Not sure we’d be friends exactly, but she is unfailingly lovely and kind so I’d certainly never dislike her.

My friend has a MIL who she absolutely adores, and I’m sure she would be friends with her in any scenario. In fact so would I, she’s amazing. I often think if I were unmarried and met one of her sons, I’d probably marry them purely to secure a relationship with the MIL 🤣

I doubt it - she is a very kind hearted individual to those close to her, but our tastes in most things are different. She is also very judgemental about strangers and her political views don't align with mine at all.

Yeah, I think we would have if we worked together or were at the same book club or something. She has passed away now sadly.

im not sure my own mum and I would
be friends if not related: we are very different: but we love each other dearly anyway lol

Yes absolutely, we’ve been away on holiday together just the two of us. Being together for too long (say longer than four days) yes we rub each other the wrong way a bit but we recognise we both have a need for space, and understand that it can be the same with any friendship. So there is give and take and I apologise for being a moody cow. 😁 I love her to pieces.

Nope.