Would you be friends with your MIL if you weren’t related?

[ThisPlumZebra]

Serious question. Mine means well (I think?), but if I met her randomly at a school event or in a coffee shop… I don’t think we’d even make it past small talk 😬
Too many “little comments,” too many surprise visits, and definitely too many parenting opinions.
Anyone actually likes their MIL here? Enlighten me.

Gosh, we’re not related at all. I’m quite fond of her, despite the fact that she’s objectively ghastly and did a remarkably poor job of parenting DH, but she’s only on my life by accident. And definitely not ‘related’. She’s related to DH and DS, not me.

I doubt our paths would have crossed. But she was one of the best people I've ever known, and I loved her and she loved me.

But everyone loved her. She was the person of whom people would say 'no-one had a bad word to say about her, and she never had a bad word about anyone'

No, I can't imagine how we would have made friends, we come from very very different worlds.

However she is my MIL, and many years of shared history, love for the same people, respect (and sometimes irritation) for each other, acts of help for each other and just simply building a relationship over years means I love and respect her deeply, and it is my pleasure to spend time with her and do what I can to make her life easier and more joyful as she ages.

Absolutely not, my MIL was very odd. Was probably ND looking back . And
in addition was really fucking nasty.

Grateful that my daughter’s future MIL is lovely and treats her like as part of the family. Good MIL do exist.

I don’t think we would be friends. We are opposites from careers to dress sense and our hobbies.

And our parenting styles.

God no.
I'm not even friends with her and we ARE related!

Yup totally, we’re very similar in sense of humour and work ethic, how we react to things with the kids etc. She’s a strong, straight talker, positive woman who’s been through the wringer. We used to clash the odd time but now the more I age (am 45) the more I find we’re even more on the same page.

I think yes. If I wasn't her dil she would probably like me more. She is perfectly pleasant to most other people. Just not to me mostly because of her issues with dh which she blames me for. She does like to talk down about people which I don't like.

My MIL is pleasant enough but we’ve nothing in common and given my DH has quite a strained relationship with her all our family meet ups remind me of a kind of “hairdresser small talk” - where are we going on holiday and the weather.

If not my MIL I’d happily have her as a friendly neighbour but not a friend.

No. I wouldn't be friends with MIL.

Its not an age thing either. DH and I have a friend who often comes to ours for meals or we go to hers, and she is MIL's age. We get on, have common interests and things to talk about. MIL and myself have very little in common, and equally very little to talk about with her own son- my DH.

No. Absolutely not.

She's racist. She's xenophobic. She's got a disgusting attitude towards people with mental health problems or physical disabilities. She is emotionally void, and she views any people that show any emotions such as worry or sadness as 'weak'.

My MIL was wonderful, not perfect but a massive support to my daughter and me.

My husband had a very different upbringing than me. My parents were very bohemian,well educated middle class . Husband was brought up in a very conservative,rules are rules environment. Absolutely no emotion etc ,despite that I made a lot of effort for my children to spend time with MIL but she was so unemotional,never hugged the children or expressed any interest in them . I gave up when my youngest was about 3 .
Fair to say that my children have so many fond memories from my Mum whereas my MIL is in a care home now,with Dementia and they have absolutely no desire to visit her .

I doubt our paths would have crossed if it wasn't for DH, but if they had, and we were a similar age, then absolutely! My MIL is brilliant!

Yes - she's an amazing strong women who is someone I admire. She's always been so good to me and I find her interesting to talk to!

No not at all! We’re totally different personalities who don’t naturally gravitate towards each other.
I’m quite a shy but fun person who keeps the peace.
MIL is extremely outgoing and sociable but a very much a gobshite who could have an argument with herself in an empty room.

No. She is a perfectly nice woman, but we have absolutely nothing in common. She is very conventional, never accepted the fact that I didn't change my name on marriage and I think disapproved of all sorts of other things about me.

But because DH died when the DC were little, it has been my responsibility to keep up the relationship with her as my children's grandmother, so I have smiled and nodded and sat in her living room making banal conversation and generally done my duty over the years. Now the DC are adults I can step back a bit.

Probably not but was only because of the quite wide age gap and that she was very religious (atheist myself). Respected her though.

I genuinely like my MIL and FIL. They aren’t perfect people, but if they were my parents I would be happy.

would we be friends? Well, I don’t know if we would have actually managed to be friends independently. I’m not the easiest person to become friends with. I still enjoy our conversations and the time we spend together.

No - we have zero in common apart from her son and I find her company tedious and boring. Now widowed I think she is hinting she would like to go on holiday with us and I just could not bear it - a long lunch with the woman is taxing.

Yes - and I knew my MIL before I re-met my DH (we were at school together years ago). And my DM used to work with FIL too.

Yes, yes and definitely yes! I love my in laws. They are just fantastic people. Easier to talk to my mil than my own mum

Oh hell no. Fortunately she isn't my MIL anymore. Hooray! Dreadful awful person. She continued to try to bother me - to the point of stalking - even years after the divorce!!! Such a bizarre person. I wish I'd known about the family history of weird behaviour - and significant mental illness - before I got involved. But their son lied about many things, including that.

Lesson is: it's not just the blokes that can lovebomb. Their families can do something similar and be very fake. Be very careful. And also be wary about how they view your obligations to family when they get older. My ex in laws were of the staunch opinion that kids should have to look after/pay for their elders in the future!!! Total opposite of my mum who just wants her kids to be happy and would never dream of asking any of us for money or care or place any expectations whatsoever. Please figure out what these family dynamics are before you get involved with these people.

I'm not even friendly with my MIL, don't consider her family and haven't spoken to her in six years so no, definitely not.

No. But she doesn’t seem to have any friends beyond whole staff events.

I’ve never considered us as related…