Would you be friends with your MIL if you weren’t related?

[ThisPlumZebra]

Serious question. Mine means well (I think?), but if I met her randomly at a school event or in a coffee shop… I don’t think we’d even make it past small talk 😬
Too many “little comments,” too many surprise visits, and definitely too many parenting opinions.
Anyone actually likes their MIL here? Enlighten me.

I think I’d like mine more! She’s super nice to strangers and acquaintances, not always so kindly to immediate family, its like a mask drops occasionally but if you didn’t know her well, you’d never guess.

No never.

My ex mil however yeah I could easily of seen us getting along.

A few years ago yes. But she’s got really bitter recently. It’s not an illness or anything and I’ve spent years hearing from her how her own mother was like that and how she’d never end up that way.

Mine is racist, homophobic and think that Trump is a fabulous, upstanding citizen of the planet and thinks we need vote for him here in Not America. Also, she has been horrible to me and horrible to each of my children. The only one of her own children who tolerates speaking to her (rarely) is my DH who has his rose-colored glasses fused to his skull. His siblings have gone NC as have their kids. Nope. If I had a glass of water and she was on fire, I’d drink it.

My husband's stepmother. Absolutely not. Nope. Never. Ghastly arrogant, ex headteacher bitch of a woman. We both avoid her like the plague. She makes a mockery of her husband (my DHs father). Plays him like a fiddle.

HELLL TO THE NO.
that is all

Our paths wouldn't have crossed except perhaps at work and in that case I would have admired her generosity, organisational skills and community spirit.

My DiL difficult times, at first and when she and DS had their first baby. Her family definitely came before us, she was quite rude at times and behaved poorly. She withheld our grandchildren from our DS and us for two years.

We sucked it up, as you do! (no choice).

Since, and with time apart from both DiL and DS, whilst we maintained a neutral stance during their divorce, she and I are now good friends, in regular contact, photos shared etc. Brought about by a tragedy, sadly.

Another ‘nearly’ DiL, I am on really great terms with, as we always were. It is good to see her in a new relationship. Some contact via SM and messages.

My SonIL, husband to my son - welcoming family, he is a fantastic guy. We are in the same profession too. He is open, honest, giving. It makes for a very easy relationship.

My DM on the other hand…I work hard to maintain the relationship and to manage some of her views and ways. 😊

Absolutely. She’s great. We have a lot in common. My children are lucky to have such a great nana.

Any particular reason for the MIL bashing OP?

Must be a slow day for traffic on MN.
MiL bashing is a dead cert for clicks.

OP hasn't even returned. ( I always wonder if people are paid to start threads…this is a well trodden subject)

I am very introvert, but if me and MIL met randomly at church, I think she'd turn into "she is a really nice lady" without being overbearing, who'd send my kids little birthday presents, she'd ask how my family is and I'd probably end up writing Christmas cards to her. And we'd probably have exchange lemon meringue recipes.

She's well liked person around here. And yes, she's great thoughtful MIL who is very respectful of boundaries.

Definitely! Unfortunately she died a few weeks ago but she was a wonderful fun person.

I love my MIL and yes I probably would be friends with her if our paths crossed for other reasons. She’s genuinely kind and caring and has a great sense of humour.

Not to mention that her and my late FIL accepted my son as their own grandson when DH and I got together. And from outset treated him just the same as they did all of their other grandkids. DS ended up calling them nana and grandad and he helped carry FIL’s coffin at his funeral.

Even my sisters love her and always say they wish she was their MIL - so they’ve adopted her too! 😂 I know I’m so very lucky and I treasure her.

No. We’re just very different people and the only thing we have in common is her son.

in the interests of balance I probably wouldn’t be friends with my own mum either!

Absolutely I would have. She was the most amazing, caring and just all round lovely person I've ever known and I miss her very much.

She gave the best hugs. You just felt so safe in those arms.

She was great. Funny as hell too.

No - we've nothing in common (apart from her son) and she doesn't listen just talks over me. I don't dislike her, I understand where some of her behaviour comes from, but I wish she would do similarly for me!

Ex mil now but even so fuck no!!

I like my MIL enormously despite being very very different types of people with different backgrounds and lives. Politically we’re far apart but in terms of human values - respect, loyalty, kindness, generosity, altruism, thoughtfulness - she’s amazing and I’m glad to know her through DH otherwise I wouldn’t. And she does a good job of puncturing my echo chamber!

I don't dislike my MIL but we have nothing in common. If DH wasn't on the scene I think the relationship would just drift.

I loved my MIL but I don't know if we'd have been friends otherwise. I think I'd have liked her if I'd just met her somewhere but really our paths would never have crossed.
But, I wouldn't be friends with my own mum either.

This. Not my cup of tea. I suspect the feeling is mutual 😬

I loved my MIL-- my father loved her too, so much so that he left his wife for her. Awkward few years that was.

Nope! Don’t like her values. She is narrow minded and uneducated. Always the victim. Talks about everybody behind their back but best friends to their face. Thinks her kids can do wrong and everyone else is always to blame.

Most people let her get away with but I don’t so we’ve had a few run ins over the years.

Mine is not a very nice person. I’m currently not speaking to her even though we are related.
my life is way easier without her in it.
and I leave my partner to sort her seeing him and the kids.
i wish I’d done it years ago tbh.
shes very judgemental, very opinionated, very rude and quite nasty. She also treats us all like shit and does nothing to help us in any way. I absolutely would never be friends with someone like her outside of family. And I have struggled
to tolerate her within the family.

No, we don’t have the same values. Her morals are just off, very much keeping up appearances than doing the morally right thing. I could make small talk with her, which is about what I do now. But she isn’t someone I’d choose to be around if I didn’t have to (I’m pretty sure Dh and BIL feel the same given how little time they spend with her).

That said, my mum is much worse and we are NC, so nothing to do with the MIL/DIL dynamic. I actually, if I had to compare them, like my MIL more than my own mum, and I probably make more effort with her than either of her children do.

No