Would you be friends with your MIL if you weren’t related?

[ThisPlumZebra]

Serious question. Mine means well (I think?), but if I met her randomly at a school event or in a coffee shop… I don’t think we’d even make it past small talk 😬
Too many “little comments,” too many surprise visits, and definitely too many parenting opinions.
Anyone actually likes their MIL here? Enlighten me.

If they were neighbours on our road I can imagine getting on pretty well with my in-laws. As others have said, the problem has been that I married their son and then did not take direct instruction on how I was to raise the kids.

Absolutely not. She’s opinionated even about things she knows nothing about, she’s never wrong, doesn’t realise that life is very different from when she was younger, she regularly falls out with family and has no friends. She’s the only woman who ever breastfed and her way of bringing up children is the only way. Heaven help you if you are a working Mum, the original sin. She is always talking absolute rubbish about people called ‘they’ well you know ‘they’ always do this and ‘they’ always do that.

To be fair to her she did get me through some tough times with my son, his lack of sleep, his ill health and a father who thought work was more important, he was in the US and didn’t come home when our son was in PICU. However, I will be glad not to see MIL and FIL anymore once the divorce comes through.

No. We are just very different people.
She's not awful. She has always respected me and my space. We get on well enough for family get togethers. She has never interfered.
But it returns to us being very different people, and not having anything in common (other than dh and the dc) so I don't choose to spend time with her other than whole family get togethers.

I never met mine🥲 Only stand by my husband at her grave. I always think she would be so proud of her son and everything he achieved. I also think she would have adored her grandchildren. Her sister likes me and we get on. Would have loved my kids to have two granny’s

I was at an acquaintances house and the dad turned to his 9 year old son and said remember when you marry someone, you marry the family too. Make sure you choose wisely.

It hit home as no one had ever expressed it to me like that before. And I thought why did no one ever say that to me? In that family it was just a normal conversation.

We have all of these true love fairytails, and my DH is mine. but they never show that their family is actually likely to be a huge part of that persons life, and are likely to be a big part of your and your DC’s life (not always, but there is a good chance). So you marry them, you take on the family also.

Sadly I didn’t realise this. It wouldn’t have stopped me being with DH, but i would have approached the relationship/ conversations with him about expectations a lot earlier. He finds them difficult and was more than happy to delegate the relationship to me. And while I’d love a better relationship with the in-laws, their misogynistic, racist and homophobic views, their lack of interests other than the tv and tabloids, has made it super hard. We have found in later years common ground over the DC (plus DH being told in no uncertain terms it was his parents and he could speak to them/ arrange to see them/ remember birthday cards for them etc and if he didn’t do it then it wouldn’t happen). At the end of the day they don’t understand me, and I don’t understand them, but I know all they do want is to have their DC and GC around them.

I really hope (I) I’m lucky enough to be a MIL one day and (2) that I learn from those around me how to navigate what can be such a tricky relationship.

I quite like my ex MIL - she’s done and still does some quite interesting things with her life.

I don’t like the way she acted during my divorce from her son, and she does sometimes say some odd things, but basically she’s a nice person.

This - very much my experience and view too. Lucky to have close and trusted extended family relationships with diverse people in this sense. That I wouldn’t have without the marriage.

Absolutely not. The feeling is mutual. That said, I wouldn’t be friends with my own mum so…

No way. We’re just very different people. After 28 years, we rub along ok, but I’d not choose her as a friend. The question is interesting when you widen it to other relatives too. I’d say about 50/50 on cousins, aunts etc.

No definitely not. She’s just not my type of person.

I love my MIL, she is a genuinely lovely person who cares about everyone, takes the time to get to know people and remember the little things that are important to them. Honestly I don’t think I’d ever have met her if not for being related as we don’t run in any of the same circles or have any of the same interests, but yeah she’s brilliant. She’s the kind of woman who sparks up a conversation with the person in front of her at the supermarket, learns the name of their kids and remembers them forever , bumps into them randomly at a park 5 years later and asks how little Fred is doing and whether he’s started Secondary school yet.

Absolutely MIL was amazing. I enjoyed her company.

NOPE I am LLLLLLLC verging on NC with my MIL

Yes, mine is genuinely absolutely lovely and I'm so lucky to have her.

No.

We have nothing in common so, no.

Absolutely! My MIL was the most lovely, caring and thoughtful woman. I wish we had more time together as we get on so well.

Yes! She’s great fun to be around

I was actually friends with my MIL first. She introduced me to her son!

I had a love/hate relationship with my late Mil.. I think I was quite jealous of my now ex SIL and BIL, MIL definitely thought the world of them and they were a dynamic couple which was nauseating. She talked about them all the time with enthusiastic gush. But she helped me a lot with the children and we had our laughs.

I 🩷 my MIL. She is fun, non-judgemental, extremely helpful and is an inspiration woman. She is always there for us when we need her without question and never asks for anything in return. I couldn't ask for a better MIL.

I really loved mu MiL. Unfortunately she developed dementia and I ended up being one of her carers. On one of her frequent trips to A&E one of the nurses referred to me as her daughter-in-law and MiL replied she's not my DiL, she's my friend.

Heck no!

I love my mother in law , but we wouldn’t be friends. She’d be a neighbour that I would stop to chat to, or a colleague that I’d be happy getting lunch with, but we are too different to be actual friends.