Feeling wounded by DP's comment about a fitness video I sent him.

[ExplosiveDiorEar]

Today I achieved a big personal fitness goal I've been working towards for about a year - squatting 1.5x my body weight for five reps.

A woman I train with videoed me doing it. In the video, the gym instructor is stood a step or two behind me, has his hands level with my armpits and is squatting along with me. All very standard practice for spotting someone when they're lifting.

I sent the video to DP.

At the end of the session, the gym instructor gave me a creme egg and was really effusive in his praise. The woman I train with was also full of hearty congratulations. I came away feeling completely pumped and proud.

When I got home, I did a muscle man pose for DP as soon I was through the front door and said "Well, what did you think?" I hoped expected some kind words or congratulations. He knows how hard I've worked for this and has been supportive.

But he just said "Tom's a bit handsy isn't he?"

It completely took the wind out of my sails. I know I'm probably overreacting but I just felt so gutted that's the first thing DP said. No "well done" or "great work", just a comment about the instructor. Even if DP had legitimate concerns about the gym instructor being handsy (which he's not at all), surely he could've saved them until later or tomorrow.

Sorry, I just feel deflated. I'm probably overreacting.

Um... I'm not convinced that giving up a hobby because your DH is uncomfortable with it sets a remotely good example.
Obviously I don't know the context. If your hobby was stripping for cash in a lap dancing club I could empathise with his position.
However the OP's example is nothing like this and it sounds like her partner was jealously projecting sexual subtext where it did not belong.
In my opinion men who aren't comfortable with their female partners doing exercise around other men or with other hobbies that involve them having contact with men tend to be controlling dickheads who should not be pandered to.
If I'm wrong, explain why.

Exactly what I came to say!

I'm not sure to be honest 😂

Perhaps it was the promise of a creme egg that kept me pushing through!

Well done OP, i think its a brilliant achievement and I know you will have worked really hard for this!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP does your DP usually suck the joy out of everything? I’m often amazed what miserable gits some women on here shackle themselves to. It makes me feel like I’ve hit the jackpot DH wise.

No, not at all. He's joyful and supportive and wonderful generally.

Oh right, so it's too much to expect our partners to give a toss about the things that we care about.
Right.

What was the hobby and what made him uncomfortable??

What was the hobby, why wasn’t your husband comfortable with you doing it and would you have given it up had he not been comfortable with?

Congratulations, sounds like an impossible feat. He doesn't like hot gym instructor having his hands on his remarkable girlfriend. Sounds pretty standard to me, but he should have congratulated you.

She lifted x1.5 her own body weight!!

That’s incredible!

She wasn’t asking to him about a really interesting Intercity train she just saw, she achieved an amazing goal she’d been working towards for ages.

ONE AND A HALF TIMES HER OWN BODYWEIGHT!!!!

😮

Absolutely savage today.

OP - you’re amazing and he’s a twat.

But he wasn't handsy. He was spotting. My DH and I have the same PT who is gorgeous and definitely handsy! By which I mean she pokes your buttocks to check you're engaging the glutes, and pokes and touches in various other consensual professional ways to support her task of properly training us. I wouldn't raise an eyebrow at that because she's doing her job

Gym instructor isn't even that hot

Does he not cope well with the heat, maybe?

Good for you! Thats an incredible achievement. And yes, ITA that DH could have handled it much better...ugh.

It's not that hot here today - about 18C but quite a stiff breeze.

Not sure what happened. I'm going to leave it for tonight but raise it with him tomorrow and say how upset I was.

Do you think your DH could be a bit jealous as it's something he wished he could achieve? Is he competitive at all?

Either way, it was a bit off not to congratulate you instead if bursting your bubble!

Never mind OP, whilst it's always nice that someone else is pleased for etc, you don't need anyone else to validate you. You've achieved it for you.

An enormous well done!!! You deserved that egg. Doesn't matter that you had someone video it. It's great for you to remind yourself how awesome you are!

Congratulations 👏. What an achievement.

He’s a grown man for god’s sake, can we stop making excuses for him and his shitty behaviour?

Awesome job OP. I lift and can fully appreciate the training and effort involved. I would love to squat 1.5 times my bodyweight. I am willing to train but tatty knees say otherwise.

Next time Neggy Nigel spots an interesting train, say something about the fat controller and see how he likes being treated dismissively.

Go you. You are amazing.

I just think in the nicest possible way people who are into fitness and share their achievements (if you aren’t into fitness ) is so boring … especially if it’s a lot of. My daughter is hugely into the gym and lifting and continually shows me pics of progress and pb yes I grin through and congratulate her but after a while it’s …. Boring lol. Yes he should have said a quick well done . If the handsy comment was in a joke way I don’t think it’s a big deal.

You're accepting of coercive control?