To think DH may have done this with a bit too much aggression?

[CatandaTiddle]

We were playing a competitive game. I ended up in A and E and can’t walk. No a proper break but it’s really sore, it’s an ‘avulsion fracture’. It was definitely excessive force on his part.

I laughed it off, but another member of the team was quite shocked (although sort of joking). And described DH’s action as vile!
DH is often passive aggressive towards me.
He has made up somewhat with tea, dinner made etc - but this morning it’s back to being pretty rude, mumbling, complaining while I’m hobbling about. He has got to work plus sort out the kids, so I can see it’s frustrating.

He's done this in full view of other people. This will only escalate.

we wernt there so dont know how aggresive he was-but to not even be concerned and moaning about sorting his own kids out is pathetic really and not a good husband

How and why is he not remorseful? If he hurt one of your children would he be this callous? Maybe he would, and maybe he would make it out to be their fault...which tells you all you need to know.
He hurt you, whether accidentally or not. So he has to step up domestically. Tough luck!
I agree with those who are saying you are minimising this.

I've had this kind of fracture before and it doesn't heal all that quickly. And it's painful. Is he not upset that he has caused you pain? Ask yourself why he's not apologetic? If he hurt a colleague, say accidentally stepped on their toe, would he not say sorry? So why does he think you and your body are worth such disdain when he caused you (accidentally or otherwise) much greater harm?

I also put this scenario to my husband (he's bigger than me- taller and more muscular) and he is finding it hard to comprehend a scenario where a) he would end up tackling me b) where he wouldn't then be utterly mortified at his actions.
That your husband is irritated at YOU tells you all you need to know about his character. I would frankly, run a mile.

What happens if you fall sick, god forbid with something that requires long term treatment?
What happens when you are older, and you have health issues?
You know this statistic: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer
This is your husband, and this is what he would do if you were sick. You get to decide if this is the life you want for yourself, and the example you want to set for your kids.

Far too much aggression, you had to go to A&E! I take it he didn't injure anyone else during this fun game? Far from acceptable hence the shocked onlooker/s. This isn't passive aggressive, it's blatant directed aggression.......at you.

Given what you say about his attitude to you generally, I would guess that he let himself be much rougher than he should have. Not that he intended to hurt you, it was a sporting accident, but that he was cavalier with your safety in the way he wasn’t with the kids and, I would guess, wouldn’t have been with another woman (because men tend to be very aware of how much stringer than women they are).

It sounds like your relationship is on the rocks anyway. This, though, is a red flag. It may be more intentional next time.

Good grief, I wasn’t expecting responses like this!

You've posted on MN using the words "DH" and "aggression" in the same sentence, unless you're relatively new to MN that's the type of replies you'll get.

What type of replies were you expecting?

Your subsequent post leads me to believe it was a game of football that got a bit out of hand, it happens.

None of this takes away the fact that your DH doesn't seem to treat you with much respect on or off the pitch.
It should also come naturally to him that he has to take over all you normally do while you're resting.

He has made up somewhat with tea, dinner made etc - but this morning it’s back to being pretty rude, mumbling, complaining while I’m hobbling about

He sounds like a right fucking wanker. Plus moaning that he has to deal with his own kids? Wtf?

It sounds like an accident to me. A clash because you both went in forcefully. Were A&E satisfied that it was accidental? I would have thought they would remark on anything they felt suspicious about.

I have a friend who experienced a similar injury during a game of football.

I hope he continues to run around after you and he should apoligise nonetheless.

I can’t ever imagine a work where my husband tackles me so hard he broke bones. You don’t do that to people you love.

If he's able to control the force he uses against the rest of the team (including children and I assume other women), then he could have and should have controlled it against you. If it was a genuine accident it would have had an equal chance of happening to anyone he tackled, it's not a coincidence that you happened to be the one he hurt, you got hurt because he chose to hurt you.

Its one thing to injure you whilst 'playing'. I don't know how someone can misunderstand that level of force but I could kind of strain to accept it was an accident, maybe. But that together with the lack of remorse, actually bitching about the extra work caused as a result. Nope, how dare he. You have a problem OP and you need to decide what to do about it. For a start I would be firing back on all cylinders at him being 'pretty rude' and 'grumbling'. Once again, how god damn dare he!

He didn’t even say sorry????!!! 😳😳😳

If two people are going at speed and smash into each other (or in this case their feet do) it’s not exactly one persons fault.

But the lack of support and kindness is terrible

Excellent post.

I totally agree.
AND he should be nice to you when unwell, whatever the cause. He is way off normal.

Accidents happen when you're playing. But usually in a backyard type games you don't tackle (even men v men) and if you do and someone gets hurt, you stop and check on them. You apologise. If they have to go to a hospital, you apologise again and ask if you can bring them something and you follow up. And that's if it is a stranger. If it is your partner, you triple that.

The FA strongly advises against competitive (or any) matches involving adults and children as the risk of serious injury is high. You say he may not have tackled a child like that but in reality the majority of football injuries are accidental and he could have easily injured a child in a similar way.

Oh, and the fact he wasn’t even sorry means he’s a massive dick.

except that presumably one of those people has played enough football to know what these collisions are like, and is aware enough that the other person

1. isn't also a grown adult male
2. is likely unaware of the force they are likely to collide with
3. is likely not experienced enough to know how they can protect themselves in that situation
4. is probably assuming that a grown adult male isn't going to absolutely clatter them

if you're bigger, stronger, heavier, faster AND more experienced, it's 100% on you to manage the situation to avoid harm to either of you.

I used to play rugby - I'm all about the rough and tumble, I would not be upset about a full-on tackle in the middle of sports, professional or for fun, I go all in too, it's what I am trained to do (although not with kids - but with a full grown adult sure!)

But this is more about your life at home isn't it? And his attitude to you in general. Sports is a red herring here...

@CatandaTiddle, everyone here and in real life is saying exactly the same thing. Your "D"H is abusive and has behaved appallingly. His actions have caused a nasty injury that could have been even worse and his subsequent behaviour is showing that he feels justified and that he is blaming you for what he has done. You have said that this is the first time you have been hurt. Please believe everyone when we say it will not be the last. His attitude towards you so far is nasty comments, gaslighting and putting you down on every possible occasion. Now he has tasted blood, he will almost certainly physically abuse you. Not only is this completely wrong on so many levels, what example is it setting for your children? You need to be making plans to get your children and you out of this house as soon as possible.

Sounds like an accident.

But why cant you put all the info in the first post?

Yes that’s fair and would be a clear accident.
but - again - the OPs words focus on ongoing passive agg behaviour, and an awful reaction / lack of sympathy.

If the post had been ‘DH is being a bit useless after an accident he caused’ then the reaction would probably be a bit different. But the post is ‘collision happened because of DH aggressive behaviour towards me, which is part of an ongoing pass-agg pattern, and now DH is being shitty around pulling his weight.’

Let's not forget the other person who witnessed it and responded by calling the DH vile. There was an objective observer and their shocked reaction should be noted.

This is why men and women should not be playing the same contact sport at the same time.