To think DH may have done this with a bit too much aggression?

[CatandaTiddle]

We were playing a competitive game. I ended up in A and E and can’t walk. No a proper break but it’s really sore, it’s an ‘avulsion fracture’. It was definitely excessive force on his part.

I laughed it off, but another member of the team was quite shocked (although sort of joking). And described DH’s action as vile!
DH is often passive aggressive towards me.
He has made up somewhat with tea, dinner made etc - but this morning it’s back to being pretty rude, mumbling, complaining while I’m hobbling about. He has got to work plus sort out the kids, so I can see it’s frustrating.

I literally write in the post you quoted that his reaction afterwards is the concern. Literally right there for you.

I could possibly accept that he didn't realise how much stronger he is (my husband doesn't know his own strength) but the fact that he isn't really sorry or showing proper remorse is a massive worry. That does suggest that he wasn't reining his strength in the way a man should do if he's doing something like this with a woman. Also, you know him and you took the hit, and you think he was being too aggressive about it. So yes... this is bad.

It’s not even the injury though, it’s the behaviour afterwards. Even if he wasn’t involved, he should be nice to you if you are hurt!!!
And he WAS involved.

Everything is wrong here.

Open your eyes to him.

I’ve had to have surgery for an avulsion fracture - not fun.

Accidents happen but he should have apologies and care.

I don’t think a loving kind man would behave the way that your husband behaves.

You are worth a lot more than that.

You DO have a fracture OP! Either stop minimising this, or read up on what your fracture actually is! A small piece of your bone has been pulled (broken) away from another piece of bone!

If your dh was really sorry then it could be explained by over zealousness to win .. however you’ve already described him as passive aggressive, rude, grumpy. Others have described the tackle as vile! Surely this tells you something about your ‘d’h??!!

JUST WOW!

Having seen the updates, I think , probably, the injury is a genuine accident, the result of over enthusiasm on both sides.

However, a response that is anything but omg I'm so sorry, I will be at your beck and call until you're back on your feet, is a real problem.

To think DH may have done this with too much aggression?

Bit of an odd question to ask, I'd say. Who could possibly know? We weren't there. Do you think you went in with too much aggression? How much aggression would be acceptable? Accidents are what tend to happen when men play contact sports with women, because men are stronger and heavier and taller. They kick and punch a lot harder than women can.

You expected him to say sorry and be contrite for having hurt you, and some men would behave like that. Others might feel it was an accident and not his fault and not feel the need to apologise. Which sort is he? If he normally apologises and he hasn't this time, clearly something's going on.

You say he's often often passive-aggressive — so not actually aggressive? I wonder whether he's carrying resentment towards you.

Don't know, OP. I can hear you're pissed off but tbh there seems to be something much more complicated going on than just a badly-timed kick in a game of soccer.

With the extra information, it sounds more like recklessness and or stupidity rather than intentional injury, although a bit of common sense would have avoided this - it sounds like you were both very competitively going for the ball. Only you know if this is a pattern of behaviour on your husband's part.

However his behaviour afterwards is what is concerning. If my partner had done something similar by accident he would have been visibly horrified and contrite, and it would be weeks before he stopped trying to make it up to me.

Is your husband usually uncaring if you are unwell/ needing support?

DH is often passive aggressive towards me.

He has made up somewhat with tea, dinner made etc - but this morning it’s back to being pretty rude, mumbling, complaining while I’m hobbling about.

No he didn’t feel any remorse!! Don’t think he said sorry at all - that’s a good point. His response was - I think you should keep it moving while I was sitting out on the floor!!

He does sound a bit "vile" to me. He puts his wants and whims over your needs and generally treats you like crap. It's probably not pleasant for the children either. You may say that some of the time he's lovely etc. etc. etc. and that's probably true. But a delicious sandwich made of all your favourite ingredients and condiments and then slathered in shite is still disgusting and inedible, even if the shite technically only comprises 15% of the sandwich.

He has got to work plus sort out the kids, so I can see it’s frustrating.

Stop making excuses for him. Going to the job that pays for him to live and caring for the children he decided to have isn't a huge hardship. Quite a lot of other people, probably including you, do similar every day without making their partners/families miserable.

I don't think the broken bone is the core issue, but I hope you heal quickly and feel better soon.

You are kidding yourself.
He took the opportunity to really hurt you and was seen doing it too.

Give Womens aid a call.
Abusive men do this.

That's unfortunately what I thought, it was his opportunity to give you a good thump with an excuse. Physical abuse under the veil of an accident (although he wouldn't have "accidentally" hurt anyone else because he had control)

The lack of remorse or apology proves this. Really sorry OP. I think you should really consider speaking to woman's aid about the passive aggression and this incident.

He's really done a number on you, OP. He has caused a fracture and is now moaning about having to pick up the extra work. A team member has been shocked at what he did yet you are wondering whether you're unreasonable.

If you have a daughter and if she came to you as an adult and said, "My husband has broken my bone and is moaning about the extra work he's caused. He's not apologised" then what would you say? I know what I'd say!

Hear hear.

It is his reaction afterwards - DS used to make me play football with me and occasionally he would forget his strength (he is 99th centile) and my comparative weakness and he would feel remorse (and mine was not anywhere near as bad) Because that is what you should feel. His utter lack of caring he hurt you that badly is awful

Football is lethal! There’s a running joke in our house not to go near ds 12 when we play, there was a time I’d constantly collide with him, knock him over or trip him up no matter how much I tried to stay away!!!

edited to add your dh could definitely have been more caring though!

Sounds like an accident, maybe he should be more sympathetic in the morning.

Yep. I think that you are minimising this Op.

I came to say your DH is a psychopath but thought I might be being a bit harsh. i’m glad to see I’m not the only one who thinks so. I’m guessing he’s been like this for years, you’ve explained it away somehow and don’t even see it for what it is anymore. You seem to have normalised his cold, heartless behaviour. I dread to think what he’d be like if you seriously did something to upset him.

How he came to seriously hurt you is one thing, and perhaps in the spirit of the game you were both playing, perhaps forgiveable.
But the way he’s behaving now is appalling and imo unforgivable.
He doesn’t sound like a very loving or likeable person.

A man has come along to explain, praise be.

I wonder why an onlooker described the behavior as vile? It’s a mystery

It's his reaction that worries me. Anyone might, in the heat of a competitive game, accidentally cause an injury. But a normal reaction would be profound remorse, affection, support, going out of their way to say sorry and help you and insist you don't lift a finger for a few days, making your favourite foods and whisking DC out from under your feet. I don't judge him for the accident, unless it was an excuse to be aggressive towards you (in which case he is a first grade creep). But I judge him massively for not apologising and for being grumpy. If he can't see this is wrong, I'd be making plans to move on.

There were also children playing, and no he wouldn’t have tackled a child like this

He wouldn’t tackle a child like that but would do to his wife. That says everything that you need to know about him.

I can’t imagine hurting someone and not being remorseful. I would be really upset that my actions, even if ‘accidental’ had put someone else in hospital. Especially someone that I love.

It's hard to know what happened here.

Maybe you kicked too hard in a tackle and met an unmoveable object (his foot).

Accidents happen. I'd be more bothered about the aftermath when you say your husband WASN'T "THAT SORRY" ABOUT BREAKING YOUR BONE.

DH and I do lots of sports and we're both super competitive people.

He would never ever go in hard on a tackle with me ever, as he knows he could easily hurt me given our respective weights and muscle mass.

Passive aggressive behaviour is also abusive behaviour.