Page 3 | To think DH may have done this with a bit too much aggression?

PulchritudinousLycanthrope · 01/07/2025 09:47

If you think, even 1%, that he did this on purpose or added extra oomph as a result of his .....resentment. You need to leave. The situation is toxic.

He sounds like my ex and he really hurt me once and didn't give a damn. A month later he strangled me until I blacked out. I should have left at the first strike. He could have killed me.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/07/2025 09:47

If I injured anyone (let alone my partner!) by accident, I would be so mortified and apologise repeatedly and effusively and feel So upset I’d caused pain. I would be waiting in that person hand foot and finger

That’s how a decent person would react.

Now compare that to how your husband has reacted.

Accidents happen. Appalling arseholes also happen. You’ve got both to deal with.

3luckystars · 01/07/2025 09:47

Open your eyes.

listen to what others are saying

listen to your gut

take your time

maslinpan · 01/07/2025 09:47

See how often he asks if the injury is hurting you. And see if he apologises again, and offers to do whatever it takes to help you to rest. Even if the kick was an accident, which is possible, he should be doing absolutely everything to help while you recover. And if he doesn't, have a think about his lack of care for you and consider whether you deserve more.

nomas · 01/07/2025 09:49

Sounds like he used it as an opportunity to be physically aggressive to you but blame it on the game.

At the risk of using the LTB, why are you still with him? He sounds horrible.

ohfourfoxache · 01/07/2025 09:49

I don’t know how to emphasise this enough - this is not not not not normal. At all.

RCJJ · 01/07/2025 09:50

OP, just wanted to offer another perspective. Me and DH do sports together. We once did a tough mudder, and there was one obstacle where he really misjudged how far ahead I was and the short story is, all 90kgs of him landed hard on my head!
I was very dazed and I had horrible neck pain for weeks. Accidents do of course happen. However - DH was falling over himself with apologies and also remorse, my goodness the guilt he felt. He couldn’t talk to people about it without welling up for the first couple of days. He was incredibly attentive; we both pulled out of the rest of the race, and he took such good care of me - not just that day but whilst I recovered. I sometimes joke I could’ve asked anything of him those subsequent weeks and he’d have done it - that was my chance for the designer handbag haha.

Jokes aside - this is how a partner acts when they hurt someone accidentally. That’s ignoring the fact you believe your own DH used excessive force too, which is even worse. His behaviour towards you, after landing you in A&E, is despicable. Listen to your friend - he is vile!

What is he like generally? Kind? Supportive? Loving? What is he like as a partner?

MyHouseInThePrairie · 01/07/2025 09:52

MoFadaCromulent · 01/07/2025 09:46

Accidents can absolutely happen, and an injury like yours could be completely accidental even with men checking the power and aggression they use when playing football to allow for the power difference when playing with a woman. If you're both going for a loose ball or someone is about to shoot and the defender manages to stick a foot in and nick the ball away when you're not expecting it or they're on your blindside you could easily kick someone full force without even knowing they were in your vicinity until it's too late. That is a risk anyone takes in competitive sport.

But the reaction is absolutely telling and probably indicates that he knows he was wrong and is trying to minimize it by getting you on the "accidents happen" message rather than apologizing profusely.

If I accidentally fractured someones leg in my 5 a side game, where everyone accepts it's at full pace, I would feel fucking awful and would be showing more concern than he is and those people are essentially strangers to me.

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But that was not a competitive sport. They were playing football WITH CHILDREN.

There was no reason for that level of force in those circumstances. Apart from the fact he could bear tge idea if his dwife ‘taking the ball’ or winning that pass and this was more important fir him that her welfare.

FOJN · 01/07/2025 09:52

From your description I can see how that injury could happen by accident but the other information you have given is quite worrying. A history of passive aggression, he thought you should keep moving after you were injured, showing no remorse, being an arse about extra responsibilities this morning because you are incapacitated.

The man is a run if the mill arsehole at best but more likely, and worryingly, a domestic abuser.

Seawolves · 01/07/2025 09:54

Any level of aggression is too much aggression.

MikeRafone · 01/07/2025 09:55

He has got to work plus sort out the kids, so I can see it’s frustrating

he is having to take responsibility for his own actions - its called consequences. As a father and grown adult its long overdue though

LittleBitofBread · 01/07/2025 09:55

CatandaTiddle · 01/07/2025 08:58

We were playing a competitive game. I ended up in A and E and can’t walk. No a proper break but it’s really sore, it’s an ‘avulsion fracture’. It was definitely excessive force on his part.

I laughed it off, but another member of the team was quite shocked (although sort of joking). And described DH’s action as vile!
DH is often passive aggressive towards me.
He has made up somewhat with tea, dinner made etc - but this morning it’s back to being pretty rude, mumbling, complaining while I’m hobbling about. He has got to work plus sort out the kids, so I can see it’s frustrating.

He has got to work plus sort out the kids
So do lots of people. He needs to get a grip and behave like an adult. Why is he being rude to you and mumbling and complaining?

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 01/07/2025 09:56

I hate to say it because I often hate the over dramatisation on here but I had a friend who was playing football with her partner and kids (uk) and he tackled her and sprained her ankle.

I didn’t think anything of it at the time but months later he went on to seriously attack her and now I often find myself thinking why didn’t I see it, were there signs, and that feels to me like something I should’ve noticed. Idk if you’re in America football is different so maybe it’s nothing but it just reminded me of it.

The main part of it that makes me think it was part of the abuse was that he was so unsympathetic, making out like she was milking it when she was limping on the school run. He was also verbally abusive to her which I asked her about but she’d just say oh that’s how we are. Hopefully in your case it’s nothing but I still feel guilty like I should’ve done something.

ArtTheClown · 01/07/2025 09:56

You kicked his foot, which he was also kicking at the same time? I mean, you sound like you are twisting this to be abusive, I'm not surprised he's pissed off.

Try rereading OPs posts.

BobbleHatsRule · 01/07/2025 09:58

This could just be an accident. Sports accidents happen.

It's his reaction afterwards that is more concerning.

Hoardasurass · 01/07/2025 09:59

CatandaTiddle · 01/07/2025 09:21

It wasn’t a bone break, an avulsion fracture I think is a ligament pulling away from the bone - and doctor. She said rest for two days and then gradually start to use again. No cast, although I’ve got it strapped.

It is a break when the ligament was torn off the bone it broke a chunk of bone off with it.
Avulsion fractures are much worse than a simple break and takes much longer to heal and then theres the damage to the ligament, your minimizing your injury. You need physio.
If the dr is saying you can walk on it in 2 days I'd be asking for a second opinion as avulsion fractures often need surgery to heal properly

gingercat02 · 01/07/2025 09:59

This isn't a voting thing @CatandaTiddle
He "accidentally" seriously injured you. And then has the audacity to be a dick about you being in pain.
I suspect there is much more abuse in your relationship.
BTW I has a avulsion fracture on my ankle 5 years ago and it's never been the same, despite physio and an exercise program

Edited as RTFT

Harrysmummy246 · 01/07/2025 10:00

CatandaTiddle · 01/07/2025 08:58

We were playing a competitive game. I ended up in A and E and can’t walk. No a proper break but it’s really sore, it’s an ‘avulsion fracture’. It was definitely excessive force on his part.

I laughed it off, but another member of the team was quite shocked (although sort of joking). And described DH’s action as vile!
DH is often passive aggressive towards me.
He has made up somewhat with tea, dinner made etc - but this morning it’s back to being pretty rude, mumbling, complaining while I’m hobbling about. He has got to work plus sort out the kids, so I can see it’s frustrating.

Cousin landed wrong in netball and got avulsion fracture. They happen. This is entirely separate to the passive aggression

MoFadaCromulent · 01/07/2025 10:03

MyHouseInThePrairie · 01/07/2025 09:52

But that was not a competitive sport. They were playing football WITH CHILDREN.

There was no reason for that level of force in those circumstances. Apart from the fact he could bear tge idea if his dwife ‘taking the ball’ or winning that pass and this was more important fir him that her welfare.

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Well OP described it as competitive so I'm going on her account and that she was desperate to get the ball and kicked hard, so they weren't playing walking football, but even in a kick about it can happen.

If I think no one is near me and I go to take a shot or play a cross field pass or clear a ball and I don't realise someone on my blindside is there or I simply misjudge the pace I'm going to get to a ball because I'm not 25 any more you could easily injure someone completely accidentally by kicking them very forcefully. Same way you could leather someone in tennis or badminton with a racket if you get your angles wrong or someone moves in a way you don't expect.

Accidents can and do happen so I wouldn't judge the OH completely based on the result of the incident when it's still not clear the exact circumstances and I haven't seen it. I don't think he's a cunt just because he caused the injury when the OP herself can't really say anything about intent and isn't clear herself on how the injury was caused when they both went for the ball. A perfectly loving husband could cause such an injury completely innocently.

I think he's a cunt because having caused the injury he doesn't give a fuck and that's quite telling with regards to his attitude to causing his partner significant injury and pain.

Codlingmoths · 01/07/2025 10:05

CatandaTiddle · 01/07/2025 09:34

I don’t know! It’s AIBU, so I wasn’t sure if the responses would be:

you were playing a competitive game and accidents happen 2)it was too much aggression I do generally get a lot of passive aggressive behaviour. Never physical - but it felt like the general grumpiness I get spilled over into physical competitiveness that he didn’t ‘play down’ to my strength, and wasn’t particularly sorry afterwards.

i hope you are realising that’s really shit of him. Sit down put your foot up and say snap out of this grump, you played a physical game aggressively against your smaller wife and injured me. I think I didn’t hear your abject apologies? Did I fail to notice them somehow? I certainly haven’t failed to notice what a shitty mood you’re in. If I tell our friends you are in a royal snit at having to juggle things BECAUSE YOU GAVE ME A FRACTURE do you know what they will think of you?? Given the complete lack of apology I’ve heard from you I think I think that of you so I may as well tell everyone. Now get parenting with less whining, I am resting so I can heal.

BoredZelda · 01/07/2025 10:09

NC28 · 01/07/2025 09:42

OP, football is a contact sport and injuries happen very often, especially if you were wearing normal trainers, no shin pads etc. I think many of the posters here have clearly never trained or played football in their life.

Was it a 50/50 ball and you’ve come off worse? You say you kicked back for the ball too, so it sounds like it was a loose ball for either player to go for.

Or did he fly into you? Does he usually play with men and has maybe let this lead his style of play?

If it were me, I’d be looking at the bigger picture in terms of how he is generally. The attitude afterwards is an issue in particular; he should be apologetic, annoyed with himself, cringing at his forcefulness, lifting and laying you etc.

It’s not about the injury, sure those can happen, although one would think in a fun family game that’s not premier league you wouldn’t be going hell for leather against your wife. It’s about his reaction afterwards. If you injure your spouse, you apologise, you support their recovery.

If you can’t see the red flags here, that’s concerning.

Iwantsandybeachesandgoodfood · 01/07/2025 10:09

I’m a football mum and even my super competitive preteen knows not to tackle me or a young child the way he would one of his peers on the pitch. The fact that he’s been so blasé about your injury makes it so much worse. A normal human (male or female) would feel incredibly guilt and be apologetic and trying to help. The fact that he’s aggressive anyway…… put the pieces all together OP and it doesn’t paint a very good picture.

Donttellempike · 01/07/2025 10:13

Op you are describing the behavior someone who dislikes you.

An on looker describing his behaviour as vile is a huge red flag. Along with the force of the tackle and his short lived and token making amends gestures. Shortly followed by resentment. .

You are in a bad situation here.

WildCats24 · 01/07/2025 10:14

CatandaTiddle · 01/07/2025 09:19

Good grief, I wasn’t expecting responses like this!
It was football. There were also children playing, and no he wouldn’t have tackled a child like this. Although I was desperate to get the ball so I did also kick hard against his hard kick - but was aiming for the ball. I can’t quite remember what happened but our feet collided.

So why did the adult witness use the word “vile” to describe it?

NC28 · 01/07/2025 10:14

MyHouseInThePrairie · 01/07/2025 09:45

Except it’s also clear they we’re playing with kids too. And he would never have use that level of ‘force’ with one of the children.

He has no reason to not do the same with the OP. Who clearly isn’t playing regularly. Didn’t wear shin pads (even though I’m struggling to see how they have protected her foot) etc etc…

It’s always up to the stronger player to adjust their game. Just like the stronger walker adjust their pace to the slowest one when going hill walking, No excuse.

Edited

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She also said that she went in hard for the ball too, because she really wanted to win it.

Plenty of shin pads come with ankle wrap support.

Obviously I agree that the stronger player needs to adjust when it’s a kickabout with the family, but I think these “leave this abuser” posts are jumping the gun, given the tiny amount of info the OP has actually provided. As I said, though, his reaction after the injury is the bigger concern here. That’s not normal at all.