To think DH may have done this with a bit too much aggression?

[CatandaTiddle]

We were playing a competitive game. I ended up in A and E and can’t walk. No a proper break but it’s really sore, it’s an ‘avulsion fracture’. It was definitely excessive force on his part.

I laughed it off, but another member of the team was quite shocked (although sort of joking). And described DH’s action as vile!
DH is often passive aggressive towards me.
He has made up somewhat with tea, dinner made etc - but this morning it’s back to being pretty rude, mumbling, complaining while I’m hobbling about. He has got to work plus sort out the kids, so I can see it’s frustrating.

Vile is not a word that gets used lightly. It suggests something more than a silly accident.

My db tackled me hard enough to injure me when he was 18, and hadn’t actually worked out how much stronger he was than me - I’d been his Big Sister, and then away for college, and we were mucking about playing football, acting like we did as kids. We both learned something from that.

We still play from time to time, because we’re silly like that, and he can use his strength and longer reach to hold me away from him, or bear hug me, or pick me up, but it’s a completely different way of using strength.

I get that accidents happen. But you’ve mentioned passive aggression. It’s not unusual for men to direct aggression into sports, in fact it’s a fairly significant function of football to act as a substitute for war/violence. But it’s crossing an absolutely enormous line to use it as a cover for aggression towards a partner. And it sounds like a third party observer saw something more concerning than an accident.

@CatandaTiddle his frustration . Seriously?

Sounds from your morning with him he could be capable of going at you with force and didn’t care about the consequences .
Only you know what the rest of your relationship is like.

I can’t believe he has th cheek to feel put out.

While I understand that genuine accidents can happen, this sounds more like ‘accidentally on purpose’ I.e. he saw an opportunity to injure you and took it. I think that your husband’s lack of remorse or kindness towards you, shows everyone here that he is an abusive pig.

Your team mate was right and your husband is vile.

My guess is that there was real hatred for you behind the force he tackled you with.

I thought I was fairly unique in that a man ripped the ligament in my knee during an unprovoked assault...leaving me in a full cast for two months. I would imagine he would have said it was an accident. In fact he did say that.

If I were you I'd get the fuck out of there before it's your head he smashes in during a 'game'.

He was teaching you a lesson. I suspect he'd been wanting to hurt you for a while but giving you a shove at home would have consequences. On the sports field it was "a most unfortunate accident". He didn't entirely get away with it though, because other players sussed him out. He sounds like a nasty piece of work OP. I should re-evaluate your life.

Yeah my XH (note X) used to 'play rough' , threw a cricket ball (threw not bowled) at my face, hit me in the mouth and I lost my front bottom tooth. Any excuse to hurt me under the guise of 'sport with the kids'.

I've also had an avulsion fracture from a fall and it took over 6 weeks before I could take my arm out of the splint and a lot of physio and a cortisone injection becaue of the damage to the tendons.

Your H is an arsehole - be careful, reflect on his past behaviour and consider whether you want to be 'accidentally' hurt any more.

Was it Extreme Twister? The one with the Krav Maga options?

Hope you feel better soon. He needs to stick to ludo or snakes and ladders.

Well I don't see an accidental injury as abuse - my husband could quite easily injure me like that by accident in similar circumstances. He's a big man and completely unaware of his own size and strength. He probably wouldn't participate in a game of football like the one you mentioned for that reason.

However should he accidentally injure me in any way, under any circumstances, his reaction would be completely different because he would be hysterical with remorse and regret. I actually think it would be more painful for him than for me and he would probably never get over his horror at doing something like that to me. Never mind doing a bit of extra childcare, he would move heaven and Earth to ensure I would be treated like a Queen during my recovery and probably for a long time afterwards. I would receive any present I wanted and wouldn't have to lift a finger. Accidents can happen. It's your husband's reaction that's the worrying part.

Whatever the exact cause of the accident, the point is that you are immobilised and in pain and your husband does not seem to care about you very much.And there are no prizes or whingeing permits available for dealing with kids whilst working. Millions do that every day.

What?! HE said you'd should keep it moving while he was sitting down?

Was he going to hurt you agan if you didn't move? This doesn't sound good at all

Toxic boys sticking together 🙄😡

An ‘accident’ that OP said he would never let happen with a child = no accident.
An ‘accident’ that shows no remorse, guilt, self horror = no accident.

Now fuck off back to the far end of fuck .. and stay there, where you belong.

How does your dc feel about this op?

An avulsion fracture IS a proper fracture.

Why on earth didn't he apologise?!! That's awful behaviour

Yeah there's no excuse. The fact he didn't even say sorry... My husband would be MORTIFIED if he broke one of my bones. And he should never have gone in as aggressively. It's not like he was playing in the world cup final - he was having fun with his wife.

Appalling behaviour and vile is absolutely the right word. I'm so sorry.

Accidents happen especially during games etc and this is absolutely why men and women shouldn’t compete together.

however, it’s how he’s behaved following the injury that’s concerning.

An avulsion fracture IS a real fracture, it is when a small piece of bone is detached from the bigger bone.

The fracture is where the ligimant is torn from the bone and actually takes a sliver of bone away with it. My daughter did it playing at the soft play. You need to raise it, ice it and use compression. My daughter had a boot for 2 weeks. Then an ankle support for 2 weeks. No sport at all until you can walk. run, jump, squat without pain. IMO this sort of fracture can happen relatively easily. However, his dickhead attitude is another problem..

Podiatrist here.

Avulsion fractures usually happen to young athletes. They might be sprinting, hitting, sliding or doing other sports activities that involve quick movements and sudden changes in direction.
A piece of bone attached to a ligament or tendon breaks away from the main part of the bone.
It might take up to 12 weeks for it to fully heal.
Treatment depends on which bone broke and the type of avulsion fracture

I hate to tell you but a lot of DV begins with "accidental" pushes, shoves, etc.

This is a massive red flag and no, YANBU

Oh, also, if you even suspect that he might have done it deliberately, then you already know you have a problem.

i had a feeling it was going to be football.

if he'd slide tackled you, but carefully, to ensure you ended up on top of him, where he could control your landing etc, that would be one thing - "oh, look how we've ended up, fnar fnar".

but a block tackle where you're concentrating on the ball, and he knows how much force you're going to be using, and still deliberately puts himself in a position where you're definitely going to come off worse, is something very different.

it's easy to protect yourself as the tackler in that situation, as you don't have any loose limbs.

it's also a very deliberate physical act.

if he's close enough to do that, he would have been close enough to nick the ball away with little/no contact (or close enough to block your shot/pass without touching you at all).

honestly, it sounds quite pre-meditated and nasty, like he was making a deliberate point.

here's a question - do you think he would have kicked as hard had it been one of the other mums? Do you think he would have been so off hand and victim blaming to her had she been in pain. And do you think she, or her husband, would have laughed it off as insignificant?

Look at how you would expect him to behave if the same thing happened to someone who isnt you, and then look at how he should behave towards someone he is supposed to love and care for. Now look at what actually happened and compare the gap.

Within that gap lies the answer

Passive aggressive, rude, mumbling, complaining would be enough for me to want out. Breaking my leg would be the final straw.