Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Slightly grabby party dad?

231 replies

Aibuuuuuu · 30/06/2025 21:18

DD was invited to a party this weekend. It was at a girl’s house that she doesn’t know super well; the whole class was invited. Anyway on Saturday morning she was throwing up with a fever and the party was on Sunday. So on Saturday, I sent my apologies and said DD is unwell and can’t come - which is late but obviously no choice. I said I’d send the present (that we’d already bought and wrapped) in on Monday.

No reply of acknowledgement, but whatever, parties are hectic and I don’t know this family.

DD forgot to put the present in her bag this morning, and I didn’t notice until we got back from the school run. No matter, I thought, I’ll make sure she takes it tomorrow. Didn’t send an apology to the parents that the present wasn’t going to be there today as that felt a bit pointless since they didn’t respond to my other message.

Anyway, the dad has just WhatsApp’d me saying “Hope DD is better. X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I don’t know why, but that has irritated me! Like, it’s a big grabby or they don’t believe I bought one or something?

I vented mildly to DH and he said “they just don’t believe you got a present, just send it in tomorrow”.

I know this isn’t a real problem and maybe I’m being unreasonable… but is that a kind of annoying message to send? It feels like they’re nagging me to give them stuff!

OP posts:
Nomorelabubus · 01/07/2025 07:11

My first thought was that it was very rude of him to send that message. But then on second thought, I agree with the poster who said it was a late response to the text you sent him. I think he's just acknowledging both points you made; she was too sick to come to the party and you were sending her to school with the present.

Cerezo · 01/07/2025 07:11

Is anyone else really relieved by the content of this compared to the title??

Cerezo · 01/07/2025 07:12

On an unrelated note, Slightly Grabby Party Dad is my handle on onlyfans.

ExercicenformedeZ · 01/07/2025 07:22

YANBU but I misinterpreted your thread title. I thought it was going to be about a dad who'd tried to cop a feel!

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 01/07/2025 07:28

Reversetail · 30/06/2025 21:22

Misguided attempt to be chatty, I can see why it rankled a bit, but no harm intended.

Rubbish 🤣 He wasn’t trying to be ‘chatty’ ffs! What man do you know who wants to be ‘chatty’ with a random mum? 🤦‍♀️ He was being a typical arsehole man…making sure ‘the woman’ knew exactly what he expected of her, which is ‘bring the fucking present!’

Male entitlement at its most blatant.

HopscotchBanana · 01/07/2025 07:28

whocaresforyou · 30/06/2025 21:27

I would assume it was just a late reply to the original message.
dds ill she will give x present at school - hope dds better, x is looking forward to receiving present

This?

Surely he's just responding to the message you sent.

Theseventhmagpie · 01/07/2025 07:51

NuffSaidSam · 30/06/2025 21:28

It reads like he's maybe responding to your original message because he didn't see it/meant to reply and didn't.

I'd send the present in like you said you would and think no more about it.

Maybe he meant well, maybe he's grabby. Doesn't really matter either way.

I agree with this. Just send in the present and move on. It just sounds like a poorly timed and poorly worded text.

okydokethen · 01/07/2025 07:58

So rude and weird of them

PopeJoan2 · 01/07/2025 08:06

Withdjsns · 30/06/2025 21:23

That’s rude, I wouldn’t expect a gift if a child couldn’t come to the party

But they already said they had one. The child probably IS looking forward to receiving it.

crumblingschools · 01/07/2025 08:12

Why is it grabby when they were told there is a gift waiting for the child?

stayathomer · 01/07/2025 08:12

I wonder did your dd make a big deal of the present to the girl to make up for not having it after not making the party?

edited to add that’s something I’d have done as a child

New2you · 01/07/2025 08:23

I think loss of tone and humour is lost in text here. I imagine the kid is really looking forward to the present. If you hadn’t said you’d send it in probably you’d never have received a message. I expect they are just excited and wanted their parent to remind

LimitedBrightSpots · 01/07/2025 08:43

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 01/07/2025 07:28

Rubbish 🤣 He wasn’t trying to be ‘chatty’ ffs! What man do you know who wants to be ‘chatty’ with a random mum? 🤦‍♀️ He was being a typical arsehole man…making sure ‘the woman’ knew exactly what he expected of her, which is ‘bring the fucking present!’

Male entitlement at its most blatant.

Show quote history

I am not a fan of men as a gender, particularly. I think they freeload on and exploit women extensively. I don't think a lot of them realise the extent to which they do it. But I think this is a stretch.

Obimumkinobi · 01/07/2025 08:51

I'm quick to take offence at any perceived sleight but I think this is a genuine, albeit clumsy, attempt to catch up with messages from the weekend and say something chatty. With it being a whole class party there will have been loads of presents, so I very much doubt they're holding their breath over yours, however nice it is.

To not send it now, having specifically made a point of promising it in your message, would seem strange on your part but I doubt they'd really care either way, as they're already staring at a stack of stuff they're counting down the days until they can take to the tip.

sonoonetoldyoulifewasgonnabethisway · 01/07/2025 08:55

YABU

He acknowledging that you got her a present. That's all

wonderingthis · 01/07/2025 09:10

Aibuuuuuu · 30/06/2025 21:18

DD was invited to a party this weekend. It was at a girl’s house that she doesn’t know super well; the whole class was invited. Anyway on Saturday morning she was throwing up with a fever and the party was on Sunday. So on Saturday, I sent my apologies and said DD is unwell and can’t come - which is late but obviously no choice. I said I’d send the present (that we’d already bought and wrapped) in on Monday.

No reply of acknowledgement, but whatever, parties are hectic and I don’t know this family.

DD forgot to put the present in her bag this morning, and I didn’t notice until we got back from the school run. No matter, I thought, I’ll make sure she takes it tomorrow. Didn’t send an apology to the parents that the present wasn’t going to be there today as that felt a bit pointless since they didn’t respond to my other message.

Anyway, the dad has just WhatsApp’d me saying “Hope DD is better. X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I don’t know why, but that has irritated me! Like, it’s a big grabby or they don’t believe I bought one or something?

I vented mildly to DH and he said “they just don’t believe you got a present, just send it in tomorrow”.

I know this isn’t a real problem and maybe I’m being unreasonable… but is that a kind of annoying message to send? It feels like they’re nagging me to give them stuff!

Oh my goodness, the party dad is being impossibly rude, I cannot believe this level of entitlement. You are not being unreasonable at all. I would give them a wide berth.

ChampagneLassie · 01/07/2025 09:13

Are you not super busy on your kids party day? And the aftermath? I know I was. I had TONS of messages to catchup on. People like you who cancelled, people who’d forgotten things, people who’d kindly helped, thanking people for coming & presents, responding to friends who’d not come but sent birthday wishes. Guess what priority those who didn’t come were? I’m guessing this is just an eventual response to your message rather than a nudge for the present.

rainbowstardrops · 01/07/2025 09:21

mambojambodothetango · 30/06/2025 21:24

The only thing I can think is that he meant to say 'that's such a shame, thanks in advance for the offer of a present, very kind of you, DD will be delighted to have it', or something, and it came out sounding grabby. Maybe he wasn't referring at all to the absence of a present today.

This is how I read it too

crumblingschools · 01/07/2025 09:41

Can someone explain why it is grabby or entitled if OP has told the parent there is a gift waiting for their child.?Obviously, if OP hadn’t mentioned the gift then it would be grabby. Was he meant to ignore the gift in his reply. I would assume he would send thanks once the gift had been received

orangedream · 01/07/2025 09:48

You were being reminded to cough up a present as you hadn't sent it on Monday as promised. The father wasn't going to let you off the hook for it. Very grabby.

YellowCamperVan · 01/07/2025 09:56

Wow that's insanely rude. If you don't attend there's zero expectation to give a gift, though some do and it's nice.

I wonder if he didn't know you'd let them know you couldn't go? Didn't get the message? And thinks you just no-showed to a party where he'd paid for your kid to be there. So he's being passive aggressive?

TaraTomsmum · 01/07/2025 10:05

I think it was just a response to you saying you had the present. A bit clumsy, but don’t overthink this.

Turkeylurkie · 01/07/2025 10:11

Yeah
There would be no present if I received that text .
I've thrown many birthday parties for my kids
Never did we get a gift from someone who didn't come to the party ,even if it was last minute cancellation.
Grabby blighters

a222 · 01/07/2025 10:35

did you get a thank you text?

crumblingschools · 01/07/2025 11:36

@Turkeylurkie but the OP told the parent they had a gift, the parent wasn’t asking for a gift from a no show