HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

This so such an over reaction! If a woman had said either comments to you or your colleague with a spring on their step you would have giggled or ignored it.

men of a certain again don’t get that what they have said is now classed as not ok because we live in the land of snowflakes you would have achieved a better result by calling him out to it to his face.

I think you’re being ridiculous frankly. Also the poster who is horrified by the majority voting YABU, I have had allll the training and courses. I know my stuff. This is someone who is offended but that doesn’t mean that she’s right. Also OP, where the hell do you work? You tell your colleagues you’re having the day off to get lip filler? It sounds like it’s a workplace where you share that sort of thing, and then get offended when someone says you were having your lips pumped? Righto.

I don't know. It doesn't mean anything here in Somerset.

@AnonymousBleep Agree that it was a sexually harrassing comment.

That clearly was the innuendo he was making.

It could/couldn't have been.

Not clearly at all! That's your take on it, same as OP and others, but clearly not HR's and others on here too.

It's not a fact.

@Gettingbysomehow not tripe. Sounds like there's a few here need to redo their diversity training and actually take notice of it by changing their own behaviour!
Oh and FYI I started work in the 70's!

See, I think this goes too far in the opposite direction. Men ‘of a certain age’ are not exempt from the law - and the law defines sexual harassment. And real sexual harassment has never been ok. Whether you are a ‘snowflake’ (horrible, misogynistic term) is irrelevant. What matters is not that you were offended by a comment, what matters is whether that comment reaches the threshold for sexual harassment.

I'm another one with HR. Getting ur lips pumped with filler sounds fine to me.

So as someone who acts as a decision manager for HR grievances.

I couldn't do anything other than your HR department did.

He might often be a pig and get away with it, which isnt cool but unless you've more specific examples the fact is you were off getting your lips filled and he used the terminology "getting her lips pumped" which could be an innuendo or could have been an accurate and innocent answer to the Qn.

Do I think he was probably being a cheeky pig? Probably. But if he gave the investigator the right answers and that was the only example in your complaint would I end action there? Yes.

I think if it puts him on notice and he behaves a bit better thats the best you'll get from this scenario. If he does say something again, you could make a further complaint but id advise making a record and only doing that if you witness multiple specific things because if you keep putting in complaints one at a time he could then complain youre harassing him

Nope. As has been said numerous times, the comment has to reach the threshold to be considered as sexual harassment. And this doesn’t. As evidenced by the majority of posters here having to have the perceived sleight explained to them, and HR rejecting the claim. What matters is not that a comment offends you, it’s whether it breaches the law. I’ve done diversity training and refreshed it recently. And my behaviour doesn’t need changing thanks.

Yep, this. Most sensible post on the thread.

Im probably a different generation to you but i would not have taken offence to that

I assumed that the term 'getting your lips pumped' came from the fact that they look like a bicycle inner tube when they're done. A sort of inflated rubber tube.

I think it must be. A few posters have said they are in Scotland and would immediately recognise it as an innuendo. I'm from the West Midlands and have never heard "pumped" mean have sex.

I’m with HR. Rightly or wrongly your going to have to toughen up going forward.

thats very good advice and thank you for your time writing it.

You apparently told the office what you were doing, and why you were missing work. He probably thought it was frivolous, and responded accordingly. I don't see the sexual innuendo, but you not only reacted like a Victorian maiden but went to HR to get back at him.
I've had people like you in my workplace, and we all avoided them. We were never sure who would offend them next. One woman, when she realized she had done something questionable that reflected poorly on her work ethic (eg: sharing that she is taking off work to get her lips plumped) would always turn around and complain to management about someone else offending her, thereby turning herself into the victim. It was a masterly strategy and protected her for years.
If you were sincere about this, another response would have been to look at the man, give an eye roll and a sigh, then say "really?" Then laugh. Message sent. No one involves HR. You can document it if you think it will be a pattern.

That's the crux of it; the comment could reasonably be taken both ways, but it's not a fact that he meant it in a sexual way just because that's how some people take it.

If he didn't know that she was getting her lips filled and he said "oh she's getting her lips pumped," then yes you could infer something inappropriate. But considering what he said was what she was actually doing, it isn't clear at all that he was being inappropriate.

I've read loads of the comments here and until someone actually pointed that out it had never occurred to me! I must have led a sheltered life!

I think a lot of men find women plumping their lips up are figures of fun, it's not something they seem to find particularly attractive so maybe this guy was just jumping in with a comment when he got the chance.

Well I can understand why it was thrown out, but I can also see that he could be the kind of person to make everything he says about sex, and how after a while it might upset women working next to it all day.

I guess he said 'pumped' in the way someone might talk about 'pumping' their girlfriend full of sperm? As a one-off it's small but if you and the other women catalogued these seemingly innocuous comments, and presented them as a group once you had many examples (from many voices), I think it should be enough for HR to notice and give him a stern talking to about, if not more.

I think people telling you to grow up are being a bit harsh. I'm guessing this last comment is the proverbial 'straw' and now you're worried it will backfire on you? They can't do anything to you for raising a grievance - sit tight and let him dig his own grave, either from continuing to talk like a pervert or from bullying you for speaking up against him. If he does neither then take it as your win!

To the posters saying "how can people not see the innuendo".... it's not that it's eluding us, it's because we can get through life using the word 'pump' in its many connotations without leaping straight to the sexual inference. How do you cope at kid's parties?! Or Halfords?!

Still can't get over the shock at the man using the word "lips" to mean, of all things... lips!! The lips that were indeed getting pumped! Getting your (vaginal) lips pumped doesn't even make any sense FFS

What he said is just the truth!

Honestly, that's what I would call it too, that's what you were going to do! How is that sexual in any way? No wonder people don't dare to say anything anymore, too afraid to set a foot wrong and bruise tender hearts...how young are you?

Absolutely an overreaction on OPs part.

Well I was going to say that you need to grow a thicker skin op. But the incident you describe here is much worse.

You could have reported that remark - a remark doesn't have to be made to you, people can report an overheard offensive remark.

You should also let your manager know every time you find a remark offensive and ask your manager NOT to laugh along. (Remind him of the famous quote "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.")

I wouldn’t have even registered the comment as innuendo.