Do you think smoking weed every night is cause for concern?

[LastPodcastOnTheLeft]

I didn't but since working in a job where we work closely with SS, I'm seeing it raised as a potential issue of children are present in the house.

For a bit of background, we have two kids 7 and 12. I don't smoke it anymore but my husband never really grew out of it!

He makes sure he hides it from the kids but the youngest has noticed that he smells of 'smokers' as our 7 yr old calls cigs, when he comes in.

I think the 12 yr old knows but doesn't care.

He works full time and rarely smokes in the day .

AIBU to think it's not so different from having a few beers in the evening (tbf he has those too)?

He's really not that bothered if they know. Shutting the kitchen door to skin up is the bare minimum effort to pretend you aren't a weed smoker. Your kids know.

They can smell it for a start! It's embarassing that you work with SS and don't realise this. If you were a colleague of mine I'd report you.

Is your 12 year old nose blind? They’ll know it’s not cigarettes. They’re not stupid.

And trying cannabis once or twice isn’t the same as smoking it every night for decades, is it.

Grow up and give your kids better.

I have no problem with weed (it's legal where I am) but I don't think people with kids should be smoking full stop. It's selfish and as a child it upset me a lot to watch my parents choose to smoke after telling me how it causes cancer and reduces life expectancy. It also makes it much more likely that your children will go on to smoke.

cornflourblue is absolutely right.

NDN smokes outside - blows all the way round to our back door -

Our house stinks sometimes from his outdoor activities.

Pull the other one!

… but they do know, don’t they?

That was my thinking @heroinechic . Ive just seen a different view recently in my line of work.

Well that's good. In what way are you hearing tit being raised? Because people may be smoking in the house around kids?

I guarantee your children know exactly what their father is doing in the garden, they know it's not a cigarette he's smoking, please stop deluding yourself.
I also think "needing" a few beers every evening is off as well, why does he "need" these things?

In your first post you said you think the eldest one knows but in your recent one you said you don’t want them to know. So what are you going to say in a couple of years when the eldest starts smoking weed? Honestly, get a grip and tell him to knock it on the head. The smell is disgusting and you also have the expense.

Yes

My adult children have never tried it. Their Uncles fucking example of what it does to other people’s lives has been the main influence. It’s the only positive contribution that he has made to their lives! See my above post.

Your 12yo knows full well it's weed. It's such a distinctive smell.

And yes, it's problematic. It's illegal, for one thing. I hope he's not driving to work after an evening of drinking and getting high?

To clarify My eldest knows he smokes but not weed.

Speaking as someone who used to smoke it a lot, yes I do think it's cause for concern. Out of all the people I knew who smoked it regularly it was a minority that weren't casualties in some way or another. They either ended up with mental health problems or were completely unable/unwilling to be proper parents/spouses.

Maybe your husband is one of the rare few who can have a smoke in the evening and it never impacts his mental health or behaviour but I can see why, generally, it would be a cause for concern.

My DH smokes weed every night. He doesn't smoke cigarettes anymore (he stopped when we met).
Our rules are this.
Only in the garden shed and only after the kids go to bed. He makes one small joint and has a bit after the kids go to bed and a bit before he goes to bed. He is never impaired.
There is a whole family history of addiction (alcohol) including multiple deaths. On balance this is safer than that.

On the other hand my brother smokes all day everyday and is clearly impaired. He smokes when he has the kids although not in front of them. He is aggressive and irrational when he stops and our recent family holiday was horrific due to his behaviour.

There are clearly level of weed use and IMO the first being preferable to the latter. I suppose it depends on which one your DH is.

It's implicated in serious mental illness, including psychosis. It used to be seen as relatively harmless (the main risk seen as it being a 'gateway' drug), but it's much stronger than it used to be, and mental health wards are full of damaged smokers. It's hard, if not impossible to reverse the damage. You absolutely don't want your children anywhere near it.

@LastPodcastOnTheLeft if he smokes in the garden literally everyone around you knows. The smell is unmistakable and can be quite powerfully strong (sometimes gives me a headache)

I tolerate it because DS likes to play basketball, the other house near us has two very loud dogs and the other has parties about once a half term with loud music so it is very much quid pro quo

I would be surprised if he didn’t based on the smell!

every now and again away from the home/kids wouldn’t see it as a major concern.

every night indicates a dependency surely?

Why is always a choice between weed and being an alcoholic or smoking tobacco or some other vice?
You can just not do any of this stuff. It's not tough.
You don't need to minimise it by saying its not as bad as crack cocaine!

I’ve no idea if it’s a cause for concern or not but I guarantee you that your 12-year-old (and your neighbours) know what he’s doing. I live next door to a dad who smokes weed outside every day I always smell it; it’s very distinctive and smells nothing like fags.

FWIW my neighbour is a very nice man with a wife, a freelance business, two very smart and well behaved kids and an equally smart and well behaved golden retriever and his weed habit doesn’t bother me in the least - no idea if it affects his family life of course.

I bet your neighbours must love you.

Back in the day the smell of weed didn't have that horrible acrid smell that it does these days.

I also think you are deluding yourself that your eldest thinks it is just normal tobacco.

School safeguarding lead here. From a safeguarding point of view, your children would not necessarily be considered "at risk" as long as he is not using drugs in front of the children and they are not aware of his drug use, his drugs/associated paraphernalia are locked away where children can't access them, and he is not in sole charge of the children whilst under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.
However, if you were to leave him alone with the kids and he's drinking and/or stoned that would be seen as neglectful. If you go out for the evening or away overnight does he abstain from drink/drugs? If not then that would absolutely be a concern.
Regardless, it's important to note that just because something is not considered a clear cut safeguarding issue that doesn't mean it's necessarily "ok". I would be surprised if that level of consumption doesn't impact a persons parenting or general functioning in some way. I also personally wouldn't want my child to grow up in an environment where drug use and daily drinking is normalised. The fact that he smokes weed everyday (in combination) with alcohol would concern me if I was in your shoes, as it suggests dependency. I would not want to co-parent with someone in that situation.

I'm not at all anti-cannabis and think the dangers of it can be overblown or exaggerated when compared eg to drinking. Loads of my friends and family do it pretty regularly with no apparent ill effect.

BUT I thought you were going to say he does it at night when they're in bed. I think going outside during the evening when they're up and coming in stoned while spending time with the kids is bad form and a bit grotty. I also think drinking every night or most nights is a bit concerning, and both together isn't good.

Why does he do it every day?

Yes it definitely can mess with your head if you smoke it long term. I know a lot of people who smoked it when we were teenagers and into 20s. A lot of them now have mental health problems.