Do you think smoking weed every night is cause for concern?

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I didn't but since working in a job where we work closely with SS, I'm seeing it raised as a potential issue of children are present in the house.

For a bit of background, we have two kids 7 and 12. I don't smoke it anymore but my husband never really grew out of it!

He makes sure he hides it from the kids but the youngest has noticed that he smells of 'smokers' as our 7 yr old calls cigs, when he comes in.

I think the 12 yr old knows but doesn't care.

He works full time and rarely smokes in the day .

AIBU to think it's not so different from having a few beers in the evening (tbf he has those too)?

Who are the right people?

BIL smokes weed daily. He's a nice enough chap but two things irk me with it.

Firstly, they never stay out anywhere without him essentially clock watching to go home and have a smoke. He gets grumpy and irritable, which then impacts the group. Went on a group holiday and it was disastrous. We went off on our own eventually, but my sister and niece missed out on going to a couple of things because BIL wanted to get back to the accommodation (for a smoke).

Secondly, he is getting a bit paranoid and starts talking about the most ridiculous shite. It embarrasses my sister and my niece. He's smoked for so long that he doesn't even realise how far from normal his behaviour is. Now my niece doesn't want school friends to meet her dad which is really sad.

It's my sisters life, so none of my business but I wouldn't be with someone like that. If I'm honest I do judge it a bit when it impacts my niece. But I'd also judge if someone was drinking every night.

I think if your H wants to smoke that it’s his business. Or it would be if he lived alone down a lane somewhere, not with a wife and kids (and neighbours as you mentioned). The two parts that would upset me most would be the creation of an atmosphere for your kids where they’re almost bound to become frequent weed smokers as teens and the fact that he’s a nasty person without the weed.

From people I know well who smoked a lot as teens in most cases it threw their whole life off course. A couple of friends have just done degrees in their thirties and forties because they either never made it through school exams in the first place or dropped out of uni all due to weed use. Proud of them but I know they’re annoyed with themselves for missing out on the chance to get qualifications earlier in life. A close friend developed psychosis and lost years of his life to it. Others just became aimless and kind of just failed to become rounded grown ups because weed was their only interest/hobby and still is.

The fact that he’s not a very nice person without the weed suggests that he … isn’t a very nice person. Don’t you think?

People who have a reasonable, measured attitude and a little life experience

He could try vaping it instead?

there’s a lot of misinformation on this thread. For what it’s worth, I am prescribed medical cannabis in the uk for MH condition (oil, weed and edibles). I’ve had extensive and prolonged social care involvement due to abuse from my ex husband - I was upfront with the social worker about my prescription and she had no concerns about it because I use it appropriately and as prescribed 🤷‍♀️

But why is it a choice between smoking weed and being obese, shooting your face full of Botox or being an alcoholic?
Straw men.
You can do none of these
Life is hard enough for young people withoit being addicted to weed.

My DH smokes weed still- also a hangover from teens years that never really went away, however he will only have it as an occasionally treat, like a few nights every 2-3 months. I personally don’t mind it as it doesn’t affect his day to day life, I don’t see it as an awful thing to do, but like anything - all in moderation… I would worry about daily smoking and impact on him/why he feels the constant need to- is it habit he’s gotten into or it he trying to escape/numb stresses?

Yes, it's concerning, and I'm concerned that you even had to ask. It's concerning that you have normalised this and it's concerning that you are so naïve to think your neighbours won't know and that your children are somehow shielded from this!

Your neighbours WILL know about this, unless you live in the middle of nowhere without neighbours. Hopefully, your neighbours will have the decency to report this daily drug use to Social Services.

Daily drug use, your husband clearly has an addiction and I really hope someone reports him to Social Services for it (and I say that as someone who isn't a run to SS type).

Your neighbours will know Op, there's no mistaking the smell of weed smoking, my ex neighbours used to light up on the back doorstep where no one would see but you could smell it straight away. Your DH may consider it a habit but it's having an impact on him, if he's irritable without it then it's a bad habit - I've known people who won't take their DC abroad because they can't deal with a week without weed.
I think you know yourself that this needs knocking on the head Op, what's getting in your way of saying so is knowing he won't be happy about it

So what you’re saying is only listen to people with positive things to say about weed?

I’m not obese, don’t inject anything, am not an alcoholic or on aggressive mental health drugs. However I’ve taken most recreational drugs in my life and despite that actual life experience I still think weed is a disgusting drugs that makes people emotionally dull, boring, paranoid and smelly. People who smoke weed every day cannot be functioning as good parents or partners.

People who agree with you?

As kids we used to access it by a few friends nicking it from their parents.

You really should mind though. Having a father that’s high on drugs every night is no better than a father pissed on booze

and it’s always the same excuses ‘can’t sleep, can’t relax’ etc that’s the addiction making excuses.
if addicts stop the withdrawal will also stop.

im assuming he’s irritable and snappy if he can’t have it or can’t get it?
my husband was the same and so I felt it was better to have him high and chilled than irritable and snappy. Until I saw sense and gave an ultimatum. Long story short is he’s such a better version of himself and we both wish he’d have done it sooner
so I would really encourage you to stop enabling him for yourself, him and most importantly your children. No one needs to have addicts for parents - whether it be sneaking in the garden, stopping by the betting shop on the way home, 20 cigs a day (also ex smoker here) or a bottle on the sofa!!
i too ended up in a role which opened my eyes to how normalised it is but actually the real and long term impact it can have on families

My parents both smoked my childhood definitely was one that needed reporting. However they didn't hide it they did it right in front of us.
Them smoking was and is definitely a priority. Doing it in front of us, using our little money on it rather than on essentials for us kids, subjecting the children to mental illness/mood swings as a result of smoking that shit long term. It was just one sign of selfish parents giving kids a shit, negligent childhood. So yes it can definitely be evidence to outsiders that the family needs looking in to.
Only you can say how much damage from his habit is actually evident in your own home. Some lucky (few) families might be able to escape consequences of a parents drug habit. I'm sure most users would say their kids are completely fine and unphased by it all.
However, probably the biggest, long lasting issue from my parents smoking in my home is that now two of my siblings are chronic weed smokers as adults and that has ripped their bright futures away. Two incredibly intelligent individuals that have been unemployed losers their whole lives, that almost definitely wouldn't have happened if weed smoking wasn't normalised at home.
And if you asked my parents today they would say there was no damage done from their habit, probably the opposite (it relieves our stress, made us more mellow parents hahaha bullshit) so I doubt your DH will ever see it, because addicts put themselves first.

Frequent use of cannabis causes it to stay in your system for longer, it’s highly likely that if he drives at all it would show up on a test. The tolerance for drug driving is zero, if he gets stopped he’d lose his license. How on earth do you condone your DH doing something illegal when you have two impressionable DC in the home?!?

Don't tell me apart from this he's a fantastic dad?
What a shitty role model to.your kids who aren't stupid and should be protected from shit like this.

He should get it prescribed really. www.cicouncil.org.uk/resources/cannabis-driving/cannabis-driving-guidance-for-patients/#:~:text=Prescribed%20Cannabis%20Medicines%20and%20Driving,and%20this%20can%20be%20evidenced

It is also important to note that if he is driving to work every day he is almost certainly drug-driving and could face a ban if caught.

I don’t think it’s a problem
he doesn’t smoke in the house
the children aren’t around it.
He’s an adult doing adult stuff just because you have kids doesn’t mean you can only do stuff that’s appropriate for 3 year olds!!

@Walker1178 I hate drink or drug driving but that's not true. Our friend lost his licence for one year due to weed and then got it back. Not the point and as I've said. I hate the idea of anyone driving under the influence.

There's third hand smoke not just second hand smoke to consider....

You can smell it though. It is that pungent. Plus it can cause mental health issues. Best to just stop.

I know quite a few parents who do this and they are good parents, and the kids are completely fine. I personally would never, and I would make sure never to have it near them, the smell near them etc - it’s highly damaging to children’s developing brains.

I don't think it is okay because reading through the comments, it does sound like a dependence rather than a habit. Him getting cranky if he isn't able to have them is a bad sign IMO.

Although maybe it isn't right to say "just leave him", I hope you can think about what would be right for you and your two children. You can't make him change or quit if he doesn't want to, but you don't have to stay okay with it. You and the children do deserve better than having to tread on egg shells until he has been out to the garden.

This is mumsnet. The correct answer to anything weed related is to burn the bastard to death before leaving him.

Drinking is absolutely fiiiinnne, wine o clock anyone? It’s a lovely evening after all and the kids are winding down for the night…I mean, after all alcohol isn’t actually a drug is it?

But a quiet spliff in the garden?!?! Shudder.

ltb.