To tell the school my child will NOT go to detention..

[Nataliaa]

DD year 7 has been given a 30 minute detention tomorrow afternoon, after school. Since starting secondary, she has received 2 detentions- 1 for forgetting her PE shorts and 1 for not completing homework.
I fully supported the school and the consequences DD had to face on these 2 occasions. She did learn from each time and since then, she has always been organised with PE kit and completing homework.
DD is well behaved, works hard and all school reports have been brilliant so we have no concerns.

Back to today… it is 31 degrees and the school allowed blazers to be left at home, but still expected the children to be in their shirt, ties and trousers (the school recently banned skirts, and does not allow shorts so all children are in trousers. All year round)

During lunch break, DD loosened her tie and untucked her shirt as she was so hot and sweaty… and then forgot to tuck in her shirt and redo tie before going back in.
She walked into English and straight away the teacher told her to tuck the shirt in and do tie, which she did.
Then whilst sat down she untucked the shirt again… she then got up for something and the teacher noticed the shirt untucked and as she had already been told once, she was given the detention.
DD tried to explain she was just so hot and sweaty, she felt she couldn’t concentrate and loosening the shirt helped.. she was then told off for answering back.

I do not agree with this detention at all. Other local schools have let kids go in wearing PE kits in this heat. The teacher was not wearing shirt and tie- she was wearing a floaty and cool summer dress.
I can’t think for the life of me how an untucked shirt would affect DD’s education, and why it’s more important to stick to a strict dress code rather than doing whatever is comfortable in this heat!!

I have never been in the position to disagree with the school, and not sure what would happen if I refuse to let DD go to this detention… also not sure if that’s setting the wrong message to DD, as I always encourage following school rules!!

Any advice? Is this a hill worth dying on? What would you do?

Absolutely laughing my arse off at the suggestion that a tucked in shirt creates a safety concern!

Absolutely 100% I would die on this hill. I’ll do it peacefully with my loose shirt and a fan for good measure 😂

YANBU

I wouldn't have let her do detention for forgetting PE shorts either - what an over reaction.

I don't blame her for 'answering back', she was merely explaining why she'd untucked herself. I really detest the way schools treat children and expect them to be worker bees who never question anything.

Good on your daughter for standing up for herself.

😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

How did it make you feel? As an adult I’ve never been told that 😮

I guess we have these problems because of lax uniform policy/take kids on holiday whenever 😂

my flat is exactly the same and my housing association will be the ones responsible if thats what happens.

When I was younger I was given detention because I didn’t know the answer to a question. I didn’t understand the particular subject, I still don’t. I was asked to answer the question, I responded that I didn’t know the answer and I was put in automatic detention. It felt, and still does feel, completely out of order. Looking back the teacher was weak and that was their way of exerting control. I saw many teachers lose it over tiny, stupid stuff, including some incidents at junior school. Grown adults screaming at 7 year olds till they go red in the face - some of those situations now seem utterly pathetic. Yes discipline is important but some of it goes way too far.

Only you as her parent know if you think she was talking back or simply trying to explain herself. There is a big difference between the two and it depends on your child’s character. So really only you can decide if you want to support her and not send her or tell her to suck it up and go. I agree the uniform thing is daft, but without knowing her character, we can’t really decide this for you.

I disagree and think that’s the wrong precedent to set that just because someone is in a role of authority they must always be obeyed, even when they’re blatantly wrong. OP, I would also refuse to send her.

Accept the sanction.

Querying the policy is separate. Ask about the risk assessment, given that by the Met Office definition you may be in a heatwave area (so not your opinion about heat but a professional judgment).

Then go to the second stage of the complaints procedure if there is no reference to what to do if a heatwave is declared. Then if unsatisfactory refer it further, I would suggest letting your MP know (assuming they are a reasonable one) and perhaps the Health and Safety Executive. However, don't tell the school you would do that unless you are 100% prepared to go through with it.

I remember this nonsense from when my son was at school, I never made him attend detention for this either.

I don’t understand? My son texted me today saying he felt so hot on the train he felt sick.

This gets said so much on MN. I have 4 children they have all been through a variety of uniforms they all say the polo shirt sweatshirt combo was the worst and least comfortable. They prefered shirts. (Short sleeves allowed) and a cardigan/Jumper (allowed off if uncomfortable)

I dont personally think that uniforms itself is the issue. Its often the not being allowed to take off layers that causes issues.

In this case I would uphold the detention as she pulled her shirt out again after having been told not to and then answered back. You may not agree eith the policy but dd knew it was there.

@Nataliaa YANBU! The teacher is being OTT in this heat all schools should relax their dress code so it comfortable and practical for the kids.

I would be calling the HOY and setting them straight!

Some teachers are just pricks and like to make a point. I remember a similar incident when I was in secondary school I had injured my ankle badly during the holidays and had the plastor taken off 2 days before school started. My ankle and foot were still really swollen and bruised so the orthopaedic dr had said to wear comfortable footware like my trainers until the swelling and bruising had gone (I couldn't actually fit my foot into my school shoes it was so swollen). My mother wrote a note and my tutor and HOY both signed the note agreeing this was acceptable.

My deputy HOY was an absolute prick about it everyday for about month he pulled me up in front of everyone commenting about my trainers despite seeing the note numerous times. The final straw was when he made me stand up at the front of the class and told everyone that I was an example of incorrect and scruffy uniform (my uniform was always correct and neat as my mother was a stickler for not looking scruffy) I was so embarassed and annoyed that when I sat down I took my shoe and sock off and showed him my foot and that still didn't stop him lecturing me.

When I got home later I found out he had called my mum and told her me turning up in incorrect uniform was not acceptable and neither was me answering him back so he was giving me an hour dentention. When I told my mum what had actually happened and how he had constantly pulled me up despite her writing to the school, she hit the roof! She called my form tutor and told her what he was doing. Then she called my DHOY and told him straight I was not doing detention and if he ever humiliated me or gave me grief for wearing trainers again she would be coming down to the school to see him and make a formal complaint for bullying (she was bluffing about the complaint), it worked and he never did it again. He was a power hungry prick of the highest order I was a quiet in school and got on with things and never gave the teachers any cheek.

Your DD's teacher sounds like a cow on a power trip. Its hypocritical that teachers can wear clothes appropriate for the summer but the students can't. She needs to lead by example and wear trousers with a shirt tucked in and I'd be pointing that out to her too the cheeky bitch!

When I was in high school we had a navy blue polo top that was for summer, the school ended up making it part of the year-round uniform and it was honestly a godsend! I hated shirts, having bigger boobs than most at school they just gaped open! It’s ridiculous some of the rules around uniform

There's another issue here which is asking teachers and children to attend a school in extreme heat. I used to live in Spain and the school year was over from mid June to mid September because of the heat. It sounds like they should just relax their rules when there is a heatwave. Get together with the other parents and pressure the school Governors. Those shirts and trousers they wear to school are too hot. Maybe ask for an alternative uniform in the heat like cotton t shirt and shorts. Our summers are going to get hotter.

A tucked in shirt will not give anybody heatstroke.

I think it depends on the context.

One very sought after school near us is strict about uniform. They say so at every open day and make it clear that they are unapologetically strict etc.

Personally I disagree with this but TBH the minute I decided to send my kids there I lost all rights of complaint provided they are following their own policy.

I think the heat is a bit of a red herring as I can’t imagine that untucking a shirt would have made any difference.

So its ok for the teacher to wear a floaty summer dress as its hot but students must wear full uniform and be punished if they don't follow it? Thats bloody hypocritical of the teacher. She should bloody well lead by example then if she thinks its unacceptable to have an untucked shirt in 30 degree weather!

The world at large needs more people to question authority when authority is behaving stupidly.
Schools like to tell us how terrible it is when teachers aren’t shown respect on one hand, then on the other hand they behave at times in ways which make it very hard to respect what they say. This is a peak example IMO.
Team OPs DD here 🙌

@TwoFeralKids I literally posted about wearing shell suits so unclear what comment you deem superior!!

Your daughter should not do the detention. Petty rules made by power hungry bullies. As for "answering back" - are children not allowed to speak up for themselves? I'm so glad my DC are too old for school - such drama over a uniform.

i said this on another thread yesterday but i really think its going to take a death to affect change. Unpalatable but true

Detention for answering back? She needs to do the detention, IMHO, and you should support the school.

The Uniform is a totally separate issue, you need to find a school that has a uniform policy she prefers and move her there when possible. If that's not practical you need to suck it up.

@Didshejustsaythatoutloud did you just effectively make my joke back at me like an original comment?