To tell the school my child will NOT go to detention..

[Nataliaa]

DD year 7 has been given a 30 minute detention tomorrow afternoon, after school. Since starting secondary, she has received 2 detentions- 1 for forgetting her PE shorts and 1 for not completing homework.
I fully supported the school and the consequences DD had to face on these 2 occasions. She did learn from each time and since then, she has always been organised with PE kit and completing homework.
DD is well behaved, works hard and all school reports have been brilliant so we have no concerns.

Back to today… it is 31 degrees and the school allowed blazers to be left at home, but still expected the children to be in their shirt, ties and trousers (the school recently banned skirts, and does not allow shorts so all children are in trousers. All year round)

During lunch break, DD loosened her tie and untucked her shirt as she was so hot and sweaty… and then forgot to tuck in her shirt and redo tie before going back in.
She walked into English and straight away the teacher told her to tuck the shirt in and do tie, which she did.
Then whilst sat down she untucked the shirt again… she then got up for something and the teacher noticed the shirt untucked and as she had already been told once, she was given the detention.
DD tried to explain she was just so hot and sweaty, she felt she couldn’t concentrate and loosening the shirt helped.. she was then told off for answering back.

I do not agree with this detention at all. Other local schools have let kids go in wearing PE kits in this heat. The teacher was not wearing shirt and tie- she was wearing a floaty and cool summer dress.
I can’t think for the life of me how an untucked shirt would affect DD’s education, and why it’s more important to stick to a strict dress code rather than doing whatever is comfortable in this heat!!

I have never been in the position to disagree with the school, and not sure what would happen if I refuse to let DD go to this detention… also not sure if that’s setting the wrong message to DD, as I always encourage following school rules!!

Any advice? Is this a hill worth dying on? What would you do?

But for all we know the rule could have caused her heat stroke - I find it so bizarre people here are advocating that it was more important to obey the teacher than perhaps faint. I have been trapped in an underground train in this sort of heat before and you can bet we all got very ratty. Why are children not allowed to display a normal range of emotions?

Yeah,I wouldn't be bragging about our education system in Scotland
Not even going to mention the escalating violence.

I don't agree that your DD 'talked back', if what you've said is exactly what was said at the time. Trying to explain your actions in a calm rational fashion is not talking back.

Secondary schools should try meeting children's basic needs before expecting good behaviour from them. An uncomfortable, overheated child is not in a good place to learn and should be given some leeway.

My son's school sent an email today, saying blazers can be left at home for the rest of the week. He's still expected to wear his trousers and tie though. However, the tie is a clip-on, rather than a normal tie, so not quite the same. His school last year allowed knee length tailored shorts, but to be honest it's probably only Year 7 and possibly some of 8, that will wear them. My son is Year 9, and 5ft 10.5, and I can't find tailored shorts that come to his knees, even if he wanted to wear them!! They all come shorter on him! All you can do is talk to the HOH/Y and see what they say. I think it's more the fact your daughter untucked the shirt again, after being told to tuck it in, and then answered back. I do agree uniform policies at times are crazy, but it seems it's the majority of secondary schools nowadays.

She was advocating for her medical and educational needs. Calling it “answering back” is dismissive of the real concerns and teaches children that they should not advocate for themselves.

I would not let her serve the detention. I would be in the office expecting an explanation as to why the teacher was not making sure students were able to adapt clothing to the heat so they could learn.

If you’re not prepared to support the school in implementing the school uniform policy, why didn’t you choose a different school for her that doesn’t have a strict uniform policy? She’s been given the detention and if you support her in avoiding it, the situation might well escalate. And you’re also setting a very bad example to your daughter that she doesn’t have to follow rules that she doesn’t like.

She deliberately repeated a behaviour when the teacher wasn't looking and then answered back.
Even if you think the punishment is unduly harsh, she'll be fine. The worst that can happen is she'll be a bit sulky and the best is she'll learn some resilience.

@Didshejustsaythatoutloud I guess they don’t have those problems anywhere in England, due to the strict uniform rules…

And no offices dress like this anymore!

But why can’t you answer a teacher back - I don’t want my child to not feel like they can say what they think or challenge authority ! That’s a ridiculous way for a child to grow up - it just makes them complacent and accepting of authority and rule followers. As an adult you need to question things and not just be a bloody sheep.

id deffo not allow this detention fuck that - waste of time

most of your school uniform rules are utterly batshit.

TBH i would be into the school and requesting that the staff are all in trousers, collar and tie, and until that day my daughter will never be doing a detention for trying not to overheat.

I’m finding these replies baffling- are you in london? The temperature is 33 degrees here today. My children’s schools don’t have air conditioning. This have just some fans. The temperature in the rooms probably were higher than outside. I know my house is currently hotter than outside. In my view forcing someone to overheat is a safeguarding issue

my son came home in the coach the other day when it was about 28 degrees and the driver refused to put the air conditioning on. He came off after an hour and was very ill the rest of the evening. I was livid.

We do but we don't have the air of superiority that the Scottish posters seem to be displaying.

#teamschool
a) she disobeyed an instruction
b) she answered back
c) if you fail to support the detention, you’ll appear to be arguing back (giving the finger); what message does this give your daughter?
d) it’s not the situation but the principle here

Not all English schools are like this btw. My primary school kid has been wearing polo shirt and PE shorts for weeks.

What do you think you are teaching your child if you tell her she doesn't have to go? Throughout life there will almost always be a requirement to adhere to some kind of authority - parents, teachers, the law, the government, line managers at work etc. If you teach your child to ignore authority at such a young age, you're setting them up for a fall when they grow up. No matter how stupid the rule is, it is still a rule. Presumably every other child in the class managed, what makes yours so special that she doesn't need to adhere to school policy?

It's truly shocking how many people on this thread agree with the OP. Tells us everything we need to know about why we have an evergrowing population of entitled young adults when parents refuse to parent.

it really isn'T

I'm a teacher. From the thread title, I wanted to disagree with you 😂. I 100% couldn't. It's way too hot to be making a fuss over an untucked skirt!

no, bullshit. It was 31 degrees and the school have draconian rules. Absolutely don’t send her to a detention

A short untucked or tucked would make little difference. This is about insolence.

It is ridiculous they have such strict rules about uniform in hot weather, but that’s not why your daughter untucked her shirt when she was sitting down.

I suspect this interaction is probably different from what your daughter has been saying. She does sound like she has been rude and you can't be rude. What the teacher is wearing is irrelevant because the teacher doesn't make the rules. They have to enforce it.

Insane. My teens went in shorts and T-shirts today. Random colours. School don’t care.
Scotland, where schools don’t hate our children.

She knows her child, I made mine go to all of their detentions apart from one that I really disagreed with and it hasn’t caused any kind of entitlement.

My daughter had a detention after school today, I emailed them and told them they can rearrange it after the hot weather spell. They have rearranged it.