To tell the school my child will NOT go to detention..

[Nataliaa]

DD year 7 has been given a 30 minute detention tomorrow afternoon, after school. Since starting secondary, she has received 2 detentions- 1 for forgetting her PE shorts and 1 for not completing homework.
I fully supported the school and the consequences DD had to face on these 2 occasions. She did learn from each time and since then, she has always been organised with PE kit and completing homework.
DD is well behaved, works hard and all school reports have been brilliant so we have no concerns.

Back to today… it is 31 degrees and the school allowed blazers to be left at home, but still expected the children to be in their shirt, ties and trousers (the school recently banned skirts, and does not allow shorts so all children are in trousers. All year round)

During lunch break, DD loosened her tie and untucked her shirt as she was so hot and sweaty… and then forgot to tuck in her shirt and redo tie before going back in.
She walked into English and straight away the teacher told her to tuck the shirt in and do tie, which she did.
Then whilst sat down she untucked the shirt again… she then got up for something and the teacher noticed the shirt untucked and as she had already been told once, she was given the detention.
DD tried to explain she was just so hot and sweaty, she felt she couldn’t concentrate and loosening the shirt helped.. she was then told off for answering back.

I do not agree with this detention at all. Other local schools have let kids go in wearing PE kits in this heat. The teacher was not wearing shirt and tie- she was wearing a floaty and cool summer dress.
I can’t think for the life of me how an untucked shirt would affect DD’s education, and why it’s more important to stick to a strict dress code rather than doing whatever is comfortable in this heat!!

I have never been in the position to disagree with the school, and not sure what would happen if I refuse to let DD go to this detention… also not sure if that’s setting the wrong message to DD, as I always encourage following school rules!!

Any advice? Is this a hill worth dying on? What would you do?

Get on the relevant councils and groups to get uniform policy changed instead of you making arbitrary decisions about how you think the policies should be enforced based on what your daughter told you. You weren't even there. There's a reason heresy is not the basis for making decisions on sanctions. The punishment has been given for the reasons stated, you donno the context of the interaction. It's not some kind of historical injustice if it's an injustice at all.

This day and age the 11yo is the only one leaving the house in suit and tie. And the few people who's till wear suits daily have so much more freedom than schools.

What answering back are you referring to? I can't say how I would have responded to the situation in the OP as I wouldn't have asked the child to tuck in their shirt today in the first place.

She doesn't get to choose the uniform rules. Your OP clearly states that she broke them, so there should be a consequence.

Kids don't 'forget' their shirt is out, and you've pointed out she deliberately untucked it.

Children shouldn't be in school in unsafe conditions.

Argh they’re being utterly ridiculous.
It’s maddening enough they don’t allow shorts or skirts!!! What on earth is that about?? To be honest I’d be seeing if any other parents’ also thought that was mad and then if so maybe try and get shorts or school skirts accepted again. What a bloody joke!

Yo @Figcherry
In the 70’s teachers rarely gave detentions because they could deal with pupils behaviour on the spot and knew when to loosen the rope.
I was one of those teachers and supervised school detentions imposed by 70+ colleagues. Life wasn’t all apple pie in those days.
I still believe OP’s DD should serve the detention. She can’t argue her own school rules despite the weather plus sometimes life sucks.
Have you noticed that even though I disagree with you I haven’t given you the finger? If that’s succeeded for you, I’m pleased we only connect online.

Unsafe?! It was 32c where I am. Not 40c. Are you seriously suggesting children will collapse with heat stroke with a shirt and skirt and no blazer?

When did all common sense fly out the window.

If it was my child they would be going to the detention. Every other child is the class has their shirt tucked in and tbh a tucked in shirt vs untucked is really neither here nor there plus the answering back which I can’t condone. As far as the teacher wearing a floaty dress, that’s irrelevant.

I’d be proud of my daughter for standing up for herself about a stupid rule that’s about control rather than anything bloody useful. As long as she wasn’t rude or disrespectful in her explanation - good on her. Schools seems to just want blind compliance out of kids and then we wonder why kids do stupid stuff because they saw it on tik tok. Nobody seems interested in teaching critical thinking and assertiveness skills because that doesn’t make nice well behaved exam passing bots does it? Good for her! I have no objection to a rule, but I do object to ones that are f’kin stupid.

It can be, my child’s secondary uniform is trousers/skirt/shorts, polo shirt, and sweatshirt, and closed black shoes of any kind (including trainers). The clothes are all logo-ed, but it is basically a grown up primary school uniform. It massively reduces conflict. I agree with you completely, and I have no idea why more schools don’t do this in 2025 - there aren’t even many adults who wear shirts, ties and blazers anymore!

I support teachers and always let them know when I support something they're doing. They don't have unfettered authority over my kid though and what I teach her at home doesn't stop when she gets to the school gates. Luckily her school doesn't implement stupid uniform policies and I don't think anybody here considers a dialogue to be 'answering back'.

<doffs cap>

The detention tells her that rules override common sense. I find the whole concept of detaining children very dark though. It's the language of incarceration, not education.

👏

She answered back…

Thats why her detention was so harsh.

And from experience the way children speak to the adults at school is NEVER the way they describe it in retelling to mum at home!

Oh dont worry I AM taking responsibility Just had my third cool bath of the day.

I’d answer back to someone in a floaty summer dress who’s complaining about my untucked shirt or loose tie. Zero time for this kind of bullshit in schools.

Do you teach or work in schools with teens?

If schools didn’t have stupid uniform rules (or uniform at all) teachers would have to waste their time policing this nonsense. Blame the SLT or academy trust, not parents.

I would email the head of year, form tutor and class teacher and explain exactly what you’ve told us here - Email for the paper trail - phone calls can be denied
and that no she won’t be at any detention
yes I’d die on this hill.

it’s too hot possibly dangerously hot to be forced into wearing trousers a tie and a tucked in shirt esp when other school kids are in pe kits today

Irrelevant. If schools are going to impose stupid infirm rules they can deal with the consequences of that, which will be hot, irritable children and their hot, irritable parents.

Shirt, tie and trousers? They sound like idiots.

Agreed!

Yes, I agree. I don't really think we're hearing the full story from OP.

Not ‘irrelevant’ AT ALL there is very good research based evidence as to why schools ‘sweat the small stuff’, it’s evidence informed and important. If parents want their children taught in classrooms where kids are not causing low level constant disruption, then they need to deal with the rules and teach their darlings not to answer back.