Is this a crazy idea?

[MattHandjob]

We are a family of 4 DC aged 11 and 9.

My husband would like to sell our house and buy two, two bedroom flats.

The flats are next door to each other and he envisages us (me and him) living in one and the children living in the other.

This doesn't sit right with me for a few reasons, I feel like we would lose family time if they have their own living space, not being close in case of a fire, giving up on a freehold property to buy two leaseholds and the annual charge they involve.

Is this a wild idea, is it even legal to live in a seperate flat to your minor children?

Anyone done anything like this or similar? Any thing else I need to take into consideration?

I'm hoping this is rage bait.
But in case it isn't, I can't believe I'm having to tell a mother that it isn't acceptable to leave a 9 and 11 year old in a separate property to effectively raise themselves.The fact you are considering this blows my mind - I feel so sorry for these children having such negligible parents 😳

He’s nuts! Don’t go along with this mad idea.

Is he completely nuts? It doesn’t matter they’re next door unless you knock them through and make one living accommodation, in which case why bother?

Fwiw, I know of a family of 4 who did this in the States. I don't know the reasoning behind it. But dad shared a flat with the son, and mum with the daughter. They switched between the two for family activities.

This cannot be serious 🤣 He wants your 9 and 11 year old to go and live together in a flat without an adult? In what world would social services not get involved with that setup…?!

That's not the same at all. An adult is living with a child in your situation.

What have I just read?
I'm not normally this judgemental but I can't quite believe you asked this question!

I do wonder if your OH is hoping you go for it but then in theory you won't be able to sleep separately and end up in one flat with the children while he has his own pad - maybe I'm cynical !!!

This is definitely a troll! Dodgy user name!

This is bonkers!

The award for the weirdest post of the day goes to you

It’s incredibly odd, but funny enough, my mum tried to do this when I was a child. She wanted to buy two flats and put me in the other one (I was probably 11 at the time). She tried again when I was about 16 with buying like a weird holiday chalet thing that you could live in year round. She wanted to buy two, side by side, in a wood and move me into one.

As a child, I was like, oh that would be cool. Because I was a very independent child and used to taking care of myself, cooking for myself, doing all my own washing, taking myself to school, etc. In retrospect, as an adult, I can see that was a sign of my mum dumping a lot of adult responsibilities on me and not giving me a chance to be a child because she was struggling to cope. My money is on your Dh wanting to similarly opt out of parenting (and get all your attention for himself). Fwiw, I am NC with my mum as an adult, for very specific reasons, but ones probably not unrelated to how dysfunctional her approach to parenting me as a child was.

I'm 46 with a 8&3 yr old ....my plans are to look after my kids....the ones who didn't ask to be brought into this world, and they don't hit 18 and then get sent to go it alone....I'd be fully stopping that happening

Obviously! I was offering a solution which might work if the OP/her DH were insistent on buying two properties.

Why not look for a house with the potential to divide into two or build a 'granny flat' to rent out at some point in the future.

Has he hit his head? 😭

This can't be real? Is he educationally subnormal?

Oh I see. I think if OP's DH hadn't considered this option he shouldn't really be buying flats at all!

‘Anyone done anything similar’!!! Why are you even entertaining this idea? A 9 and 11 year old can not live alone! Even if you are next door. What a ridiculous thing to even suggest! How do you think your children would feel being left out of the family home? Or is this your intention? Even when your children are in their 20’s they may still be living at home and want to feel part of a unit not like they are taking up rooms that could be rented out. The fact you are having to ask says a lot about you too. Why did you bother having children in the first place?

It sounds like he wants a flat for himself and a flat for you and the kids. There is no way you can allow children that age to live in a flat on their own!

I think it’s a great idea. Twice the cleaning and utility bills though. I bet the kids would love it because they’d have so much space. They would presumably eat at yours and then spend family time together. Then they would go “home”. And you would have peace and quiet. The only thing that wouldn’t be good is if they came looking for you early morning or late at night … wandering around corridors etc.

OP ur DH wants to live in the one flat by himself really, with the 3 of u in the other!

They're 11 and 9 the exact same ages as my two youngest kids there's no way I'd allow this it's ridiculous to even suggest it

I wondered this too if I'm honest

Yes, I know a family that bought next door flat just before new baby born, and while waiting for planning & builders to join the flats, the boys lived in next flat WITH a LIVE IN NANNY at night. The boys were 12 & 11 and they had a new born who stayed w mum & dad.

Yep