DD's friend is therian

[Minieggy]

Sorry, it's long. My DD (9) has a friend who goes to a different school. For a while we have been trying to arrange a play date but there's always an excuse so they haven't seen each other for 4 months. They keep in touch via email.
A couple of weeks ago the friend sent a message saying "I am now therian and so is my friend from school".
My DD told me straight away even before I saw the message for myself and showed me her reply. She basically said that she thought it was silly and that friend was too young and that it didn't sound properly thought through especially if her schoolfriend was also therian.
She didn't get a reply but about a week later my DD sent another email inviting her to a party (didn't give a date) and friend replied, said that being therian was not silly and that she wouldn't be able to come to the party.
My DD has been very tearful and says she wants her friend back but the friend she knew. She's heard from another friend this girl is wearing a mask and tail to school etc. Other friend says school have told them they should be supportive.
I have explained that her reply probably made this girl feel unsupported by my DD but that I was very proud of DD for knowing her own opinion and voicing it so articulately. However, it is unlikely this girl will want to continue the friendship as she will be looking for friends who won't question her.
My DD wants me to message the mum for a playdate but I don't know what to say.
What would you do?

YANBU - Try to steer DD away from the friendship

YABU - Go through the mum to see if anything can be salvaged?

Eh?

I'd use it as an opportunity to talk to your DD about relationships and friendships ending, how people change, how she isn't wrong for having her opinion but this other girl has chosen to feel so strongly about her cause that there's nothing she can do, it wasn't her fault. She can only be true to herself and a good friend would accept her opinion too and she will get new friends who can accept her. This isn't a lesson she will grow out of. Thestral girl will hopefully grow out of her trend or adult life will be difficult.

I recall as a child, several decades ago, I was in a hospital ward with a girl who thought she was a dog. She refused to speak, barked and howled, refused to eat/drink unless it was put in a bowl for her to eat/drink with her face and would only respond to a made up dog name. She was being treated as mentally ill (although looking back I’m wondering if she had been abused and it was her way of coping?). The Dr’s thought that by hospitalising her she may not keep this up outside her home/family. Wrong!

Anyway, this was seen as mentally ill needing medical treatment. What didn’t happen was saying it was okay, humouring it, and sending her to school to carry on like this.

ETA - over the years, I’ve wondered at times what happened to her and how she ended up in life. I hope she was okay in the end but I suspect not.

It might be the best way for the friend to learn but it's also probably the best way to lose a friend. You take your choice and accept what comes next.

Eh?

The friendship seemed dead anyway. OP's DD was blunt but not rude, IMO. It is silly to carry on like that.

I was in a shoe shop at the weekend and a young girl - around 10 or 11yo I would guess - was dressed as a cat, wearing a cat mask, ear headband and furry tail. She was acting like a cat, going around on all fours, refusing to speak but only miaowing and pawing her parents' legs, who looked so embarrassed. They kept hissing "stand up" at her but she kept on all fours and sniffing the shoes on the stands. We were just paying and about to leave. I wonder if they ever managed to get her to try any shoes on.

Well she is right...good for her for saying so. She should move on and find friends move on her wavelength.

Don't know where you are but where I am she'd have been cooked in a furry outfit. It was hot.

Sounds like psychosis and/or abuse doesn't it in her case. I wonder how she lived at home.

It's social contagion atm though. Good the OP's DD found it silly. Her friend will grow out of it.

Litter trays in schools

I just did a quick search and found a paper showing that people who identify as therians, furries or "otherkin" have a high degree of overlap with psychotic disorders. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0149763425001939

"Associated conditions included psychotic disorders (41 %), psychotic depression (24 %), bipolar disorder (18 %), and Cotard’s syndrome (12 %), while 16 % engaged in other-directed physical violence."

Yes, normally it would sound like psychosis; however there is social contagion currently with this therian stuff, so more likely the latter (unless a lot else is going on). That's very young for psychosis so would be unsual anyway.

Thanks for all the replies. Just caught up after work. There are some really helpful suggestions here and I'm personally learning a lot about this whole topic. The links to mental illness and online grooming are shocking.

I hope DD doesn't want to pursue this friendship and I think there probably is an element of jealousy regarding the new friend who is also apparently therian. As I said before I think my DD is grieving the loss of the friend she thought she had.

To those who doubt the veracity of the post, I am not going to post word for word what she put but my paraphrasing hit they key elements. She's not some super enlightened 9 year old but she is in year 5 and pretty strong minded so it didn't surprise me she replied as she did. I do however agree there's an element of tact that needs learning. She can be quite unfiltered in general and says what is in her mind.

I'm also clearly not posting the name of the school but I have admitted that my information on that front comes from another child not my own eyes.

Let me gues: autistic with access to the internet?

I think the more important thing to teach your DD is that sometimes friends grow apart. There no point her wanting her friend to be like she used to he. She’s grown and changed and now your DD doesn’t like how she’s changed (very understandably imo). And absolutely nothing wrong with her voicing that. Perhaps this child needs that voiced by a few more people in her life, rather than this being entertained as some sort of real identity. Girls don’t always have to “be kind” and not say they think to maintain friendships when perhaps they shouldn’t be maintained. You do need to have your line in the sand. If one of my friends started calling themselves a therian and wearing a tail and ears or whatever, I’d draw a line under that friendship too.

FFS The world has truly gone mad.

I don't actually believe this thread. I don't believe many 9 year olds (without unfettered internet access) know what a therian is to this degree.

If her parents were 'hissing' and generally pussyfooting around, you can see where she gets it from 🤔😉😀🐈‍⬛

Too many 9 year olds do have unfettered access to the Internet unfortunately. But even then, it is young for accessing that kind of information but can also be something heard from older siblings e.g. child playing at being an animal (like I used to pretend to be a dog until an embarrassingly late age) and an older sibling scoffing at them, saying something along the lines of 'god you're such a therian' and they start looking it up.

There are no litter trays in schools. So no need for parents to be drafted in to clean them.

The world has gone mad. But the madness is people constantly telling far fetched stories to support a narrative that exists only in their head.

No schools are allowing litter trays. There is not a shred of evidence. If people of sound mind genuinely think schools are letting children essentially shit on the floor and leave it there for all to see, I have more worries about those people than about the therians or furries they're so up in arms about!

Litter trays in schools are isgusting. Who wants there kids in a class with a used litter tray?

Read earlier posts it has happened in a school.

No, someone has claimed its happened in a school. It hasn't.

If I write here "Jimmy Saville led my daughters school trip to them moon yesterday"....does that make it true?