To feel annoyed by having given this particular person charity money

[WhatABigYikes]

Bear with me while I explain the background. We are Muslim which means it is mandatory for us to donate 2% of the value of our total savings to charity every year. IF anyone expresses they are accepting charity money because their own situation is so bad then it is permissable to give that charity money to that person. In my experience that is usually a poor family where my parents come from in India - something would have happened to impact their livelihood and they'd be struggling to buy food and medicines. Recently a family member of DH's (in the UK) expressed that they are classing themselves as requiring charity money - I suppose if it helps to draw a comparison, it could be a bit like if a person has started to use food banks for example ie. they are that level of being in need of some support. This is because in the last couple of years this person has been diagnosed with a life limiting illness and hasn't been able to work for at least the past 6 months. He was the breadwinner and his wife is a SAHM to two teenage school age children.

So, DH gave his charity money (£5k) to this person about 3 months ago. Of all the things, I've stumbled across this person's social media earlier today (his wife is maybe an influencer it seems with 50k followers and it popped up on my "people you may know" - we are not particularly close to them at all and only really see them at family weddings).

I have seen they've just been on holiday at an island location (where return tickets from the UK are £700+) with their two children.

AIBU to feel like we've sort of been conned for the money? I mean we certainly couldn't afford a trip for a family of four to a place like that right now...

No one is forced to give money. Your ignorance is showing again.

Yes it’s lies to suggest that zakat is a controlling tactic when people can give it to whoever is in need and no one checks or can verify if you gave it or not.

I think it’s idiotic and sanctimonious to try and pass your opinions of as facts. Suggest you find another thread where you won’t be challenged on your lies.

What on earth are you on about? You’ve seen what? Can you be more specific instead of hiding behind general scaremongering?

And no one has screamed at you. You just don’t like being called up on your lies.

They took advantage of your generosity. They could have gone on holiday to somewhere less expensive or just not rubbed your noses in it by posting about it. But it is possible the holiday was gifted by someone else or even a competition prize.

I'm now a Muslim but I would have thought Allah sees the intention and what they have done should be left to their conscience.

Perfectly understandable if your charitable money goes elsewhere in future.

@IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta - this is Mumsnet. You are being naive to expect anything else

Yes, I wonder how she/her DH decide what ‘poor’ is, since whilst homeless children (especially young girls) in India exist (never mind grown adults in the UK where there’s at least some sort of infrastructure of support) and are vulnerable to the most awful abuse and require housing and education, why would one decide that a family in the UK supported with a benefits system would be more worthy. Obviously it’s the OPs money, but I am genuinely curious as 5k is such a huge donation and also I wonder if it would need to be disclosed to the DWP. Either way, it’s amazing and selfless act for OP to be doing this so of course she is NBU if it would seem in retrospect perhaps it wasn’t the wisest donation.

Well if they are genuinly in a hard situation and lots of people donated 5k, maybe they had enough left over to have a holiday, which I don't begrudge people who otherwise would not have been able to.
If the money doesnt have conditions then they are free to use as they wish.
However, if the wife is making a lot from her social media account or maybe was sponsored by the hpliday company then I would be annoyed.
Do you think they are lying about their income, or instead had a much needed holiday after a terrible time?

I'd be annoyed too, but I guess it's subjective whether someone is "worthy" or not. It's also difficult to see and justify how other people spend their money as people do prioritise different things. I'm not Muslim but try to follow a similar approach where I donate 1% of my income. I only donate to larger charities where I've read about their work and I agree with their strategy and values. I probably wouldn't give money directly to someone I knew unless it came through a request for donations via a church or community hardship fund etc.

Maybe the holiday is one of those "bucket list" things you do when someone is dying to make memories with the family? Would that put a different light on things?
or is it not that type of illness?

OP this is a very specific situation not many will understand, going by some of the batshit posts here. Especially the donkey upthread who talks about not wanting to belong to any religion "asking for money". For the benefit of anyone who wants to know, there's no central body or organisation who's taking any money, this is a personal choice that every Muslim can choose to do or not do, and give to who they want. As a Muslim it's a religious obligation (if you have over a certain amount) to give 2.5% (not 2%) to the less fortunate. It's like praying – some people do and some don't, there's no one with that information going around with a spreadsheet asking 2 billion Muslims to cough up.

Well you’re wrong, in many religions you are required to give money. Zakat is mandatory for eligible Muslims is it not? So it’s not lies.
This is the information I copy and pasted got from Muslim Aid. Link is below

Zakat is a mandatory charity required of all adult Muslims who meet the Nisab threshold. It is the Third Pillar of Islam and refers to the obligatory payment of Zakat in Islam, distinguishing it from voluntary acts of generosity like Sadaqah. The Zakat definition encompasses the act of purifying one’s wealth by giving a portion of it to those in need, as prescribed by Islamic law.

https://www.muslimaid.org/what-we-do/religious-dues/ramadan/zakat-facts/

Again having an opinion is not a LIES.

"You need to google where the money goes." 😂😂😂

One sentence to show how thick some people are.

I think they have behaved very poorly in taking your money. They know that your intention was to make life easier, not pay for a holiday for them.

In future I would pass your generous
donations through a reputable charity, it is a significant sum, and you can research the charity, and potentially put caveats on how and where you are happy for it to be spent. Unfortunately giving to individuals rarely works out well.

This. I would not be happy with this system of tithing. That said, it is better than in some Christian denominations where the money has to go to the church.

Come on OP. Why wouldn’t you give your charity money to needy families in India where there is no welfare state of significance. Or failing that, give it to a proper charity.

Why would you give hard earned cash to someone in the UK who has recourse to sickness and unemployment benefits and you lost me at the SAHM to teenage children.

You have been thoroughly taken for a ride.

I very much doubt you know everything about Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism? Yup didn’t think so. You don’t seem to bright if you can’t understand that people are allowed to express their opinion. Like you have yours. Them people are also called hypocrites.

I agree. There are a few religions where money is expected. I would rather just give it to who I want and when I want rather than feeling that it was mandatory.

No one forces Muslims to give Zakat any more than Christians are forced to give up smoking for lent or buy Christmas presents.

Your agenda is obvious and tedious.

It’s not tithing. No one is forced to give anything. It’s a core part of the faith but there’s no zakat police — on the contrary, you’re supposed to donate quietly and with no fuss so it’s none of anyone else’s business.

I will usually send my zakat to those in need in the Indian subcontinent. My family over there have a system where they see that orphans get given an education and shelter or poor families are supported. However DH's family don't really have any such structure and he has usually given it to charities online. He has sometimes held on to the money because he isn't always convinced about large admin fees at some charities. He therefore has an account where 2.5% of his savings per year accumulated in an account and he will give to whatever causes as and when they come up.

It’s mandatory is it not? Giving up something for lent or buying Christmas presents aren’t a requirement/mandatory. It’s a tradition that some people follow. So a stupid and ignorant comment, also a lie.

The Ten Commandments are also mandatory but look at how many Christians take those as seriously as they should 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, I think you’ve had enough attention for one day x

It's been assumed by a lot of posters that 'life limiting' = 'terminally ill' and lots of posts therefore are about a last treat for a dying man. Life limiting can refer to a range of things and it doesn't necessarily mean the person's death is imminent.

I wouldn't begrudge a dying person a holiday. What have I said? I wasn't speaking for anyone, just suggesting the op stops letting it bug her because it's over and done with.

I believe the illness is terminal if a particular treatment doesn't work. If it does then I think the outcome is positive (I don't know if it means a fully cured etc)