To feel annoyed by having given this particular person charity money

[WhatABigYikes]

Bear with me while I explain the background. We are Muslim which means it is mandatory for us to donate 2% of the value of our total savings to charity every year. IF anyone expresses they are accepting charity money because their own situation is so bad then it is permissable to give that charity money to that person. In my experience that is usually a poor family where my parents come from in India - something would have happened to impact their livelihood and they'd be struggling to buy food and medicines. Recently a family member of DH's (in the UK) expressed that they are classing themselves as requiring charity money - I suppose if it helps to draw a comparison, it could be a bit like if a person has started to use food banks for example ie. they are that level of being in need of some support. This is because in the last couple of years this person has been diagnosed with a life limiting illness and hasn't been able to work for at least the past 6 months. He was the breadwinner and his wife is a SAHM to two teenage school age children.

So, DH gave his charity money (£5k) to this person about 3 months ago. Of all the things, I've stumbled across this person's social media earlier today (his wife is maybe an influencer it seems with 50k followers and it popped up on my "people you may know" - we are not particularly close to them at all and only really see them at family weddings).

I have seen they've just been on holiday at an island location (where return tickets from the UK are £700+) with their two children.

AIBU to feel like we've sort of been conned for the money? I mean we certainly couldn't afford a trip for a family of four to a place like that right now...

Not that I could truly follow this advise but analyse what emotion you are feeling and then what emotion you would feel if you gave the money to a very poor family. I think giving is meant to be without ego and given completely freely. I would try and cultivate feelings of happiness towards them. As others have said maybe this is the last time they can all be a family together and they are making memories for thier children.
When I was a student I gave my last £20 to a homeless man I felt so depressed i thought something good would happen if I gave it away. Well he took it worth saying saying and then just held his hand out for more!
The uncharitable side of me would thing about commenting on social media that she is in recent of your charity to try and shame her. But that would likely now end well.

I would feel like writing a post saying how come you can afford a holiday when you were asking me for money the other day?

Come off it. The money was given in good faith to someone because they were struggling, not so they could jet off on an exotic holiday OP can't even afford. They are taking the proverbial.

Then put yourself forward as needing charity.

You gave in the spirit of charity, to help someone who needed help.

That they have taken that charity perhaps not in the spirit it is meant for is entirely on them.

I would focus on the fact you did a kind thing and not their actions because you can only control your own.

She's given someone she doesn't really know £5000. Have you ever done that? Sounds pretty charitable to me!

But they didn’t ask op directly for money the conversation came up that they had said they were down as requiring charity due the man having a terminal illness and not working. It was op’s choice to give them that money, to do so as they wish. So why can’t they go on holiday? You don’t give money to charity and then turn around and say they can only spend it on certain things.

And is now annoyed that they’ve spent it on what they want. Yes, I’ve given to charity, but I certainly don’t expect to have any input on how that money is spent.

Yes but I also said it was on her to do due diligence. It's hardly charitable to give and then complain after

This. Or maybe somebody gifted it to them?

I'm possibly being a bit harsh, but it seems so hypocritical doing it in the name of religion then being judgemental about what it is spent on. God doesn't judge and that's why the deed seems pointless

I would be annoyed. They havr taken the piss.
I am not Muslim, but in the past I lent money to a friend whose business collapsed. She used it for a luxurious holiday and took years to pay it back. We are no longer friends.

If I were you, I would donate to reputed charities from now on.

They are on holiday but you don’t know if someone has treated them to the flights for instance. 50k followers may not produce a decent income, I think you need hundreds of thousands to make money

I think the man dying can spend the money he was given on what he wants surely.

i understand OP, there is a difference between spending the money on essentials like food and then a holiday. I suspect they have had a few donations like yours.
in the UK, with the support available, i don’t believe anyone is actually in poverty (as they are in other parts of the world) and no one will actually go hungry unless it was through choice. It’s totally different as you say compared to a family in India.

however you have given the money, the father does only have a few years to live. So I think you’ll have to let it go and just wish them well

A less luxurious holiday perhaps.
There is no social safety net in India.

Anyway, it's done and OP has to let it go.

@WhatABigYikes think I would make it known to family and friends via social media that they stated they were requiring charity and they did not in fact require charity, thus conned you!!

I understand your annoyance, but what someone can "afford" is subjective. You prefer to keep valuable jewellery and save your money for future expenses, but others feel differently.

If the person has a terminal illness, a wonderful holiday experience with family seems to me a pretty good way to spend money.

I am fascinated by the concept of this charity giving being 'mandatory'. What happens if you do not give it, or give less than 5%?
Did your relative in turn give 5% of your donation to charity?

Oh yikes, OP is already begrudging a dying man a holiday. Commenting on his wife's SM will only identify her as a person who begrudges a dying man a holiday.

He has chosen his spending priorities, as has OP - who CAN afford the same holiday, but is prioritising other things.

I would imagine priorities vastly change when you know your death is imminent.

It's 2.5 %.

I think I would be annoyed and let down, you're clearly very honest and hardworking people. You probably feel this way as you would never do such a thing. I would feel the same.
You cannot do much about this though now it's done. I would try to reframe it in my mind, your money potentially helped someone with a life line thing condition make memories with his family - there are charities for this.

The op said an island holiday, we don’t know where or if this is luxurious. She said return tickets are from £700, plural so I’m assuming that’s £700 for four people return which I think isn’t bad. There family she’s about is from the UK, so yes they will have a social safety net.

Yes, I did misread part of her post. My bad.

Well he’s got a terminal illness and hasn’t worked in six months because of it so if that’s not someone that needs a hand I don’t know what you need to do to qualify as needing help. Also going round telling everyone he conned them will only make the op look like an unlikeable twat. Imagine having the balls to say a terminal ill man who is likely to die soon has conned them because they went on holiday, which will probably be their last family holiday together all whilst having a quarter of a million quid in the bank.