Does your DH hate when family visit?

[Justwanttobehappyx]

I live an hour away from my mum I usually see her once a month and she will stay for 3 days or so. However since my brother has moved nearer to us and I’ve needed the extra support as he is going through a lot of stuff she has been coming up every two weeks.

DH would always moan when she visited once a month and now it’s every two weeks he’s even worse. It just makes me so miserable i feel so stuck as he never wants her here but I need her help with my brother.

is your DH like this? Or would he in this situation. It’s making me miserable and I love spending time with mum too. She helps out with the kids & chores it takes some stress of me.

Are you and your husband both working full time?

Everything is mine he’s lived of the back of me for years. I’m not living like this anymore!

He's lived off of you? So you're working full time and he pays nothing to you or dc?

Are you married or cohabiting? If you are married then it likely isn't that simple.

Clearly a bigger issue than the first post.

Tho if you are joint tenants or own the home a PP is correct you cannot just kick him out anymore than he can kick you out. If it’s just a tenancy in your own name then go for it.

Fair. Unless you're married, and it's likely a bit more complicated. Regardless, separating seems reasonable.

He works part time I run my own business from home. He doesn’t pay anything towards the bills or the kids. It was a temporary arrangement after I had the last DC but he never went back to his old job full time when he could have I believe he got lazy. House is mine & we are married. I’m not thinking in to all that at the moment I just don’t want him here. He’s broke my windows trying to get back in.

I don’t think your DH is being unreasonable at all. I wouldn’t want my in-laws stay for 3-6 days a month and we don’t have any major issues. My home is my safe space and where I go to relax and recoup my energy. He obviously feels like this is an invasion of his space and I get it.

I would look for another way to see your Mum.

Call the police regarding the windows. They then should be able to make sure he stays away from the home even if only temporarily.

You need to call the police immediately.

If you are married, unless you got a legal order to protect yourself, then he will be entitled to a share of equity in the house if you split, which appears to be inevitable now…

Call the police.

You're going to have to start looking for a good lawyer.

We have all been answering, or responding to your original post.

The information you have added this afternoon might have been helpful to mention then.

That's a completely different story then aint it - don't start drip feeding - We only hearing your side of the story as well - are you someone that constantly puts their family first over their husband and children

WTF??!

How can you kick him out if he owns the house equally? Being married means it's not your house, it's a marital asset.

Your mother choosing to not drive and also refusing to use a train route that is more convenient is shockingly entitled.

Your brother can shop online, surely?

You have a lot going on, OP.

3 kids, full-time work, a DB who needs support from you to shop and attend appointments, a DM who comes to stay for 3 days every 14 with you driving her each way and a DH who isn't happy with all of this, doesn't pull his weight and moans at you.

Your priority has to be you and the kids - put your own mask on first.

Ask yourself what would happen if you stepped back from supporting your DB a bit. Consider whether your mum coming to stay with you (and you running around to collect her) is helping you or helping your DB. If it's your DB then find a way to support her to do that without it involving you.

Just read the update that you have kicked DH out. I hope this makes your life easier.

Wow, your last update makes a difference, OP! Get rid.

How much of yoir DHs behaviour is tied to your family obligations? How much is purely because he's a prick?
How long have you been caring for your brother?

I feel like we dont have anywhere near enough info to assist with helpful advice

I think what people are missing is that you had a lot on your plate and your husband was offering no support. The fact your mum was helping with kids and easing the load while he lives with you was very telling.

Your brother needs to move to next to your mums or your mum needs to move next to brother. He can’t function without her. And she can’t travel without assisance. This isn’t sustainable. I’m team husband

I’m a woman and I’m team husband. It’s an hour away not 4!!! No need to even stay overnight. I’d absolutely hate it if my mil stayed for days at a time. Well I just wouldn’t allow it.

I think that you should help family if you can and your DH is certainly not family orientated.

I would hate this if I were your DH!

How would you find time for friends when you prioritise DM and DB over your DC and DH?

How much of the lack of support for your POV has triggered this rapid turn of events?

I’m not sure people have taken in what a bellend the husband sounds like. Good for you OP sounds like he was a nasty little waste of space who was trying to isolate you from everyone else!
Seconding find a good lawyer!