Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

433 replies

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:16

NC I don’t want this post linked to others.

Just had a bit of a disagreement with DH and wondering if I’m being unreasonable here.

Our baby, three months old, was sick down his chin and on his bouncer and DH grabbed the dishcloth that was sitting by the kitchen sink to wipe it from baby’s face and mouth. I said “are you really using a dishcloth?” and he said yes. When I asked would he use one on his own face, he said yes he’d use it on his own face (so what’s the problem, in other words).

The cloth was taken from our washing up bowl, and the cloths I had recently bleached yesterday. It was a microfibre cloth and DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

AIBU or am I being a bit too precious about this?

Another example, he often picks baby up by both arms, did it this morning to take him out the bath and carry him two metres across the room and he keeps doing it, just another example of things he does that I don’t agree with.

Whenever I point things out to him he instead gets defensive and says “don’t tell me how to parent DC.” When he points things out to me I change what I’m doing, because my goal is just to want the best for DC but he thinks my safety concerns are silly and trying to wrap him in cotton wool.

Generally we are struggling with our newborn to be on the same page with safety concerns and I’m feeling very stuck and isolated as he will not respect my wishes when I call things out.

I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
wp65 · 29/06/2025 22:50

OP, I remember your previous thread. I think this man is a danger to your baby and had messed with your head to the extent that you’ve lost faith in your own instincts. Please talk to your health visit and GP, and women’s aid.

Dinosweetpea · 29/06/2025 22:50

I remember your horrific crying in a dark room post. Your husband is abusive and is now physically harming your baby and gaslighting you. You need help to leave, you are already doubting your own sanity.

Namechangean · 29/06/2025 22:50

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:45

@JIMER202thats my point we argued about the blanket thing but I’m saying those seem like minor things - and because I’m calling out EVERYTHING it’s making the big issues seem smaller to him if that makes sense

But why did he let that become a battle? Why was he refusing to the point it became a big deal? His behaviour seems just really abusive and controlling but you’ve convinced yourself that it’s your fault. Most couples have these discussions and learn to pick their battles with a bit give and take. But what allowances has he made for your comfort. My hormonal wife weeks after giving birth wants baby to have a blanket - yeah fine pass me the blanket. No fight necessary

JIMER202 · 29/06/2025 22:50

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:45

@JIMER202thats my point we argued about the blanket thing but I’m saying those seem like minor things - and because I’m calling out EVERYTHING it’s making the big issues seem smaller to him if that makes sense

You have to call out everything if your babies health and comfort are compromised!! You have to!

hexagongoldbox · 29/06/2025 22:51

Apparently my grandma used to do something similar to me 😂 good news is I’m still alive 40 years later !

hexagongoldbox · 29/06/2025 22:52

So sorry didn’t read all your posts 😢

JIMER202 · 29/06/2025 22:52

OP seriously if I said put a blanket on our kids if my husband disagreed he may grumble but he would do it (or he would say actually it’s 30 degrees out no need) but no way in fuck would it become a big battle and I would refuse to back down if it did!

Namechangean · 29/06/2025 22:53

I’m not even suggesting that you leave because he’d have rights to seeing baby and he’s clearly a risk. But you should deffo talk to women’s aid, talk to the GP and health visitor. Then tell him he needs to stop doing harmful things and if he doesn’t then you should refer him to SS and leave

PopeJoan2 · 29/06/2025 22:53

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:42

This is the issue some of it wasn’t dangerous but for example - in the early weeks of DC being born one evening we were out late 10pmish and he refused to cover him with a blanket to go to the car - this was minus to when the weather was not what it is now. This created issues and I guess you could say a battle I should have left.

because I already picked those battles it is minimising the serious ones

Wtf is wrong with him? I am sorry to say this op, but the person who said he was abusive may have nailed it.

JIMER202 · 29/06/2025 22:55

PopeJoan2 · 29/06/2025 22:53

Wtf is wrong with him? I am sorry to say this op, but the person who said he was abusive may have nailed it.

I agree. Because she ended up not putting a blanket on her baby when it was freezing out snd her tiny newborn was cold for fear of causing an argument. This isn’t ok at all.

bigboykitty · 29/06/2025 22:55

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:30

@LoztWorldyes by the hands so he is dangling

Pick your battles. This is dangerous. I personally think the dishcloth thing is grim. Your H sounds like an absolute cunt. Talk to your HV or GP and take steps to protect your baby. You sound really defeated by his revolting attitude. Is he abusive in other ways? I'm guessing so.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/06/2025 22:57

A friend once told me that she’d been known to wipe her kids’ faces with the floor cloth when there was nothing else handy. Both now healthy adults with dcs of their own. And both Oxford graduates incidentally - maybe floorcloth germs are good for the brain…

anytipswelcome · 29/06/2025 23:02

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:13

I now feel shittier for not judging my decision on which battle to pick. Calling him out on the dishcloth and not the arm thing.

i just feel like shit

Please don’t OP. I’m sorry my post contributed to you feeling this way. You need some outside help in real life and you deserve to have that support.

You’re being hugely let down by your partner and I promise that even if it doesn’t feel like it now, navigating parenthood as a single parent is much better than doing so while in a relationship with a toxic and abusive and unsupportive partner.

I think you’re so tired and confused that you didn’t mean it when you said you’d only intervene in life and death, you’re just exhausted and desperate and I don’t blame you Flowers

Namechangerage · 29/06/2025 23:03

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:30

@LoztWorldyes by the hands so he is dangling

But… why???

bigboykitty · 29/06/2025 23:04

Sorry- I posted without RTFT. @namechangesafe I see you have already decided to speak to your HV. That's good. Please don't tell him you're going to do this. You have lost all perspective on what is reasonable. Taking a newborn out in minus temperatures without a blanket is neglectful and abusive. His who attitude and the way he speaks to you is abusive. Him accusing you of abusive him, is the full house in abuser bingo. Sorry to be so blunt, but he's a risk to your baby.

AfraidToRun · 29/06/2025 23:06

He sounds awful and very much like my ex. Have you ever considered things are so hard for you because of him? Do you actually love him or just feel grateful hes there because your self worth is so low?

it's really important to understand that there is no right way, no right time or rifht fight for him to listen to you and respect your opinion. There's no magic words. Everything he does is protect his own ego, at your expense. Anything less than praise and admiration will be thrown back at you.

The things you have raised are awful, I worry so much about the things he might have been doing to you that you've just accepted as normal.

How do you feel when he walks in the door? If your stomach drops, it's your body trying to tell you this isn't OK or safe for you.

Soontobesingles · 29/06/2025 23:09

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:30

@LoztWorldyes by the hands so he is dangling

Omg he is abusing your child in front of your face. This could dislocate the child’s arms. Get out of the house now with your child and stay with a relative. Call social services. This is an abuser and it will get worse.

SapphireSeptember · 29/06/2025 23:11

itsobviousright · 29/06/2025 21:32

Is this the same man who left the baby to scream itself sick in a dark room alone? Picking a 3 month old up by the arms is fucking abuse - he doesnt give a shit about this child, that much is obvious just from this post alone

What? Who the fuck does that? Leaving a baby to cry that much is horrible.

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 23:13

This is how babies end up dead and parents end up in prison, taken to its extreme.

OP, your husband is likely to blame you for any present or future injuries found on your child. When you tell them it was him, why would they believe you? Why haven't you (or show no signs of) sought help or reported him?

Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 29/06/2025 23:13

The more I read the more I hope this is troll.
Bloody hell OP this makes me feel sick, balls to your H it's your baby that needs to be priority, surely deep down you know that.

I would fight a tiger for my kids. I wouldn't wait for permission to tuck a blanket round them I'd just do it. Picking them up by the hands? Just no words. Some things are worth an argument, even in front of a baby. Some things are worth leaving someone for - the safety of your child is one of them.

You HAVE to do something here before something massive happens that there's no coming back from. The dishcloth is the least of your worries.

Lauraanddogs · 29/06/2025 23:15

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:32

I feel so angry inside when he picks him up by hands, how uncomfortable it must be for him but I don’t say anything to not make these marital issues we are having any worse.

You need to protect your baby. This is how all child abuse issues start, you are being a passive abuser and an enable just by doing nothing and knowing that this is wrong. Get your baby first and then you away from this man.

itsobviousright · 29/06/2025 23:16

SapphireSeptember · 29/06/2025 23:11

What? Who the fuck does that? Leaving a baby to cry that much is horrible.

Yup, a whole horrible thread about him shutting his tiny baby in a dark room and leaving it screaming till mum discovered it covered in vomit. I suspect its the same OP

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 23:17

@anytipswelcomeyes I’m exhausted and just feel like peace is my best option tightly or wrongly it’s the honest truth.

OP posts:
PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 23:18

itsobviousright · 29/06/2025 23:16

Yup, a whole horrible thread about him shutting his tiny baby in a dark room and leaving it screaming till mum discovered it covered in vomit. I suspect its the same OP

She's just said it is her, yes.

I hope Mumsnet can trace OP's home address via her IP and the police, for this child abuse.

TicklishSheep · 29/06/2025 23:19

I remember your other posts, OP.

The dishcloth thing is gross, but lifting a three month old by the hands is just…wtf. You cannot let that happen, it is so dangerous.

It sounds like you really need to confide in some people in real life about what is happening. Maybe they will help you gain some perspective about how wrong and fucked up this all is.