To ask if you refused to help with older relatives and how that went down?

[Fragmentedbrain]

I have 2 parents and 2 parents in law closing in on needing care. Reading other threads here it sounds as though this has a high chance of ruining my life over the next decade or so.

My husband and I work full time, love our jobs and don't have any caring responsibilities or instincts, not even a cat. I don't want to give up work or holidays or enjoying this bit of my life before I in turn am too old.

If we refuse to get involved beyond visits to say hello, how screwed are our parents?

(As we are child free I am not worried about any example setting although appreciate the relationship with siblings could get tricky)

Cold as ice. Like I said, it's quite unnerving

I don't think I am obliged to care for anyone on the basis of love. Men don't tend to, do they.

Because it's the default position.

I'm using the term "care" as an emotion rather than actual caring responsibilities. As in do you actually give a shit about what happens to them?

Yes they do. My DH pops to his elderly mum's house to do DIY tasks for her. He does things for me. For our kids. For his wider family.

Often they don’t but some do. Of course you aren’t obliged but what do you want from this thread? No one is going to make you do anything, you would be terrible at it and you’ve said your parents have accepted this and hopefully have put other plans in place. Do you want someone to tell you you’re doing the right thing?

Most certainly don't. They will leave their wives when sick. I'm finding it humorous that many are shocked by you but probably have unwittingly married men like you. Not that I agree with you but I did notice that.

You’ve said you’ll head to Switzerland - why wait? Why Switzerland? What’s stopping you here and now? Apathy? Lethargy?

No - I am just very realistic and don't live in a fluffy nicey delusion world (no offence to the majority who do).

Whoah no, hold on op, I would actually guess the majority on here are the opposite, I personally have a brother who is autistic and talks to himself and bangs his head off a wall, a mother in law I help out with hospital appointments for, a mother regularly in and out of hospital and I moved back in with my dad when he got terminal cancer and spent most nights sitting with a newborn at a stairs ready to stop him falling when he’d go for a wander in a deletions state. My sister and brother in law moved in too as both were nurses. I would guess we try to make the world fluffy to cushion ourselves against the non stop shit we face, and I’m happy (actually happy to do that). We do this stuff because we want to be there for people, want to help and all people that we help are just fab people!!! (Best dad in the world, amazing mil, great mum, dude of a brother)

Brilliant post 👍

It’s not always about a ‘thrill’. Yes, some people have martyr complexes, but for many it’s a matter of caring about other people, believe it or not. But at this point I’m not even sure why I’m engaging with you as I think your sentiments are at least partly intended to shock. It’s actually getting tedious.

You all are arguing with someone, who on previous threads, argued that women's vaginas explode in peri- menopause, while they simultaneously become so stupid and anxious that they can no longer work, have sex or enjoy life! I dod tell you earlier you would run into a Great Wall of Nihilism and Doom.

Leave the OP to her issues and go outside to touch grass! I am eating an icecream in the park while waiting for my vagina to fall out my arse.

Bullshit. There are two men in my family doing it right now. One looking after my cousin with a failing heart; they are both retired and he does all of the housework, meals, meds, shopping etc. And my male cousin who looks after his elderly mother. He has employed a lot of people to help as he works but but has moved in, and takes care of the nights.

Did you tread on ants a lot as a child op?

I think people forget that nobody asks.to be born. People have babies for purely selfish reasons. No child owes you anything.

In-laws are your blokes problem OP. Focus on your own parents.

That is great but it doesn't change the stats e.g. that men are more likely to leave ill wives than women are ill husbands etc etc

Really?

I'd better go check that mine is still in situ. The gynae who did my hysteroscopy didn't seem to notice anything amiss.

Oh that explains a lot!

Thanks Holluschickie!
That’s 20 mins I won’t get back. I should know better by now.

Op why not spend your time doing something more creative, productive and helpful? Life is short!

That is an absolutely foul thing to say in answer to that post.

I thought life was all about "feeling good" OP. You're doing what makes you feel good. We're doing what makes us "feel good" - and hopefully the people we love and care for to whatever degree applies.

PS @arcticpandasI am sorry to hear about your mum. Posted quite quickly earlier but I should have said that.

Don’t agree that it’s just that some people are kinder and love their parents. Some don’t care

You sound bored and not particularly bright, I suggest an early night xx

Sorry about your fragmented brain