Just Snapped

[WeddingWTF]

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

I’m not sure if this story is even true, but if it is that really is a nuclear thing to do, no coming back from it. It sounds like you will all be better off without each other and never speaking to anyone from that family again. What’s done is done now to you will just have to move on and hope to never be in that mindset/situation again.

Forget all of them. They sound horrible. Make them take you to court for access. Offer access to DH at your house - don't keep him from him but don't make it easy for them either. Try to move on.

Disagree with the consensus here. You say that everything you said was true, so I don’t see the problem. This is the start of your new life.

Seek counselling, try and work to undo the damage living like that, had done to you.

Whilst you took the path no return, you can move forward on it.

I for one think you're a brave person. Try your best to move on from them all and not get sucked back in. Let go of your guilt- they can't really be surprised it's come to this after gaslighted you for years.

Did the marriage go ahead?

What's done is done. No point in piling on the guilt.
Your DS is a teenager....he can decide when and where he sees his family. Leave it to ex DH to arrange. Beware that they will slag you off infront of your DS but hopefully he is old enough to see the woods from the trees.
Do not interact with any of them again apart from DH about your son no matter how they goad you and start enjoying life away from the toxic family.

I think you may have burned your bridges here.

By whom? GP have NO RIGHTS to see their GC.

dont let them bully you

im considering changing my vote.

The whole lot of you sound really “common.” You now have a chance to set yourself some mature goals and step into a new more sophisticated and dignified life without these toxic people around you.
Carve a different more emotionally intelligent life and cut down on your propensity to do stupid things in drink.

OP, it was unfortunate that all this came out on your SIL’s wedding day, and you were V unreasonable to send the texts you did.
BUT - they were shocking to refer to you as “the slag” and to pressure you to get an abortion. I would not have been able to forgive your DH for that alone. You now say, “They have given me days and times they want to see my son and I've to send him to them then.” Your son is not some sort of pet - he’s your boy. If he’s a teenager and he wants to see them, then let him go - but they will in all probability be trying to prise him away from you, so I’d be very careful. Some solicitors offer a free half hour consultation- it might be worth seeing one to establish what sort of contact your soon to be ex-H is entitled to. I assume this is going to end in divorce, so you will have to talk to your DH at some point to sort things out. Best of luck with that - it sounds as though it will be you against his entire family. I hope you have some family and friends of your own to support you through this.

Agreed.

You shouldn’t have done it on the wedding day or while drunk, but they sound awful.

Id try and keep the peace for a bit, make out you’re complying, but on the quiet see a family lawyer for advice.

Your main issue with court I guess is that they can use your texts against you so show these to the lawyer for their thoughts.

Seeing your reasons for your behaviour, I can understand why you snapped. Obviously it was bad timing but it's clear that they are a horrible bunch of people. I do think you should have separated from your dh a long time ago though. You shouldn't have had to put up with their treatment for so long.

His family all hate you but you still got married? Where were your family in all this?

Also, snapped and farted wasn't funny the first time. It doesn't matter how much tea was spat out.

You need a divorce. You went about it in a spectacular way. Let them take you to court for access. Grandparents do not have rights. Your dh will get access and they will have to see dc in that time. Your dh has never been there for you. Stop apologising and giving in to them. They haven’t stopped calling you names. It sounds like you need therapy.

You won't be able to turn the clock back. They say hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. Move on now and make your best life with your child, give your patients your best side, and don't look back.

Op I think this one is for a therapist. That’s a traumatic experience you went through as a teenager that has remained unresolved and as you can see is leading to destructive behaviour. It sounds like you are well shot of husband and his family but you need to look forward and that should involve healing.

Also just to say to you op, the mn vipers were really out in force last night and you were given a really hard time. Your in laws sound incredibly scummy and your dh an ah for allowing them to talk to you so badly for so long. I hope you can just focus on your son and your own peace now. Your behaviour wasn't perfect in the moment but you were clearly pushed, into doing what you did

Be nothing but honest with your son! Answer any questions that he may ask with the truth even if it may put his Dad in a bad light. He can then ask his Dad for 'his' version of circumstances. Your son may well need counselling himself when he comes to terms with the fact that his family wanted him aborted even if they love him now whereas your love has been constant. Don't lie or sugar coat anything - only truths going forward - however unpalatable it may be.
Get sorted with your divorce and only discuss matters relating to your son with your stbexdh. The massive fallout has put a rocket up the backsides of your in-laws who will close ranks. What the hell! they already did for the past 20 years!!
Lay off the alcohol as well as loosening tongues it can also act as a depressant when you wake up the next day. Keep a clear head about everything going forward and look forward to a life free of such toxicity in the future.

Yes this. Let them take you to court. GPs have no right to access. Let DH take you to court for his access and have it all down on paper. Don't be polite or not mention the abuse either. Be very clear with times and what was said. Do go to a family lawyer they can help you make statement for court also.

Good for you. Count yourself lucky you’re away from these awful people. You son only needs to see his dad. The rest have no rights so fuck then off

Your DH's family sound appalling. Why have you put up with that for so long?

The problem with how you have reacted at the wedding with the toxic text is that this is their 'proof' that you were /are the crazy woman. You are the problem, not them. That they were 'right' for all these years. They will absolutely not acknowledge their own poor behaviour in the decades leading up to this. Any moral high ground you had, has now gone.

You cannot control how other people think and behave. They will probably always think the above about you (even before the text). All you can do is just know you are a good person and just have as little to do as possible with them.

What's done is done. Extricate yourself from this family. Have cordial relations with your STBex. Support your DC. You should probably get some counselling, it's not healthy to let things fester and then explode like you have demonstrated.

Moving forward I think you should steer clear of the wine.

After reading all your replies I think it’s fine.

They have made you feel like crap and belittled you enough times. And now you’ve put a dark shadow over a special day for them!! Well that’s just karma!!

I have done a quick google search in regards to grandparents rights and they take lots of things into consideration. So they themselves I don’t think would get it really. Of course your now ex can have days and he can take your child then to see them I guess.

I would strongly suggest trying to get some counselling for yourself to help you through this.

You’ve upset a bunch of cunts. So what? Your husband has had no respect or care for you since day dot. Fuck them all OP. After what they’ve done to you for years, your retaliation is mild in comparison. Divorce your cunt of a husband and start a new life for your self and your child.