Just Snapped

[WeddingWTF]

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

Yeah there's really nothing you can do with people like that but get them out of your life. You shouldn't have had to speak up, that was your husband's responsibility as they are his family.

My MIL was an absolute horror to me until I just stopped all communication with her. That went on for six months and she finally broke down and apologized because she wanted the whole family there for Christmas. She never dared to do it again. But in your case the rest of the family is horrible as well, so that wouldn't work. Also, my husband supported me not speaking to her and wouldn't bring the kids around to see her, which helped. With a husband who doesn't support you it's a different situation.

Look on the bright side. You don't have to see them anymore.

Boo hoo she ruined a love rats wedding! Why should she have to suffer in silence. Have you not heard the expression....the straw that broke the camel's back? Truth tellers are always the bad ones!

She doesn't want thier forgiveness. It's they that should beg for hers! She wanted respect and acknowledgement but since she didn't get it...they deserved what they got!

Your marriage is probably over but I’m sure they deserved it. Choose not to care.

You have finally blown up after years of torment. Yes, you could have dealt with things differently but honestly I think you need to just block them all, get some counselling (free now if you ask your gp) and move on. Rediscover your confidence and self esteem.

Your son is a teenager and the court will allow him to choose who he spends his time with. Assuming they even take you to court - I doubt they will.

I would never facilitate anything at all with a family that wanted him terminated, if he is old enough, tell him the truth, and keep him away from them.

You are free now oo. Free from all of this, and now you can decide your own next chapter. You have been tied to this monstrous family since you were a child, so I think this is the best outcome for you op.

After reading this, I’d say she followed through.

Your not going to be the most popular person around , and to be frank , deservedly so .
Tbh you need to lie low for a few months , and keep out of everyone's way . You blew up their wedding day and that's unforgivable .
Ever thought about emigrating ?

I agree. 🙄

Personally, I applaud you. This family is trash.

My only concern is you don’t continue this alcohol consumption. Move on from these shitty people. You are still young.

I believed this

Forgive yourself for this. What's done is done. Get some therapy to come to terms with it. Your son is grown so you don't have ti have anything to do with them. Go ahead with the divorce, maybe send an apology and go ahead and live tour life!

dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me

Good.

Yes I've RTFT but what you did is still pretty unforgiveable.

I get it. I’ve not done the same but I get the snapping. I was in a very similar position. With a man, unplanned pregnancy, he told his family who responded with “this doesn’t happen to people like us”, months of arguing about having a termination, told to “hide it” at the family summer bbq. When DS arrived comments on his looks like how he looked like shrek, how fat he was, any negative behaviour was inherited from me, introduced at a wedding by an aunt as someone who slept with her nephew and had a child. Mother in law from hell who made it clear she hated me, found messages to her son saying if I couldn’t look after DS then to leave and apply for custody, that was because I’d had an emergency c section 3 weeks before and she wanted her son to visit her at the other end of the country, Id asked him not to as I was struggling after the very traumatic emcs. Absolutely years of never being good enough and things like the above.

I left, not as spectacularly as you but yes I get telling people who have judged you and essentially emotionally abused you for years, exactly what you think of them. You want to hurt them as much as they have hurt you over the years, the problem is they don’t care and won’t ever care, in their minds you’ve just proven everything they ever thought of you to be correct.

Highly recommend therapy, it did wonders for me and I don’t feel that anger and unjust eating me up inside anymore. It will get better, and you and your son are better off without them. 💐

What did your family tell you to do while all this has been going on? I can’t believe an intelligent woman would continue to try and appease his family for so many years if they did nothing but say nasty things. You just wouldn’t see them surely?! I mean, how often did you see them anyway? Your relationship was/is with your DH husband not them. You don’t discuss child contact with them. You block them all on your phone and social media now if you have t and you speak to your DH only about when he sees DS.

Having read all your posts there is no doubt in my mind that you snapped after years of emotional and financial abuse from your husband, in-laws and the bride to be.

Well done you. Quite spectacular really.

The awful bride has made an unbelievable error marrying a cad. He will likely continue to sleep around and every day from her wedding day she’ll wake up wondering if he’s being unfaithful. She’ll wonder about every single woman in the family as well. Every day he’ll wake up knowing she knows, and there will be constant arguments about it. I’m amazed your husband didn’t nip the carry on from BIL to you.

You are traumatised, that’s why you snapped. You need support and therapy to make you whole again. You need to find the strength to ignore this toxic family. It’s a fantastic achievement that you finally broke free. Don’t let you DH or family coerce or wheedle you back into their awful family.

If all you say is true then I think you did well to get it all off your chest at last.
Yes of course in an ideal world we would all go about things in a calm and measured manner and set our boundaries immediately if we are treated badly but that is not always possible and to be completely honest my first thought here was good on you.
The only downside is that you still need to have continuing contact with your husband because you have a child.
I would suggest a mediation service to negotiate contact arrangements and times your son will spend with his father.
Once that is in place try to forget about the rest of the crowd (easier said than done I know) and leave them all to stew in their indignation.

Oh well, it's done now. Think about your next steps. What would you like to happen?

That’s unhinged. You could have lost it the day before, or day after (or indeed acted like a normal person and calmly said ‘this is not working for me’ and separated), but you really made a deliberate and calculated choice to lose it in the wedding day.

It seemed to start with you getting angry after you were bombarding your DH with messages and he was (rightfully) ignoring you. You chose to not go, fine, but why not just let him go peacefully, without sending messages to him constantly. A normal person would have just lined up a few movies on Netflix, and left their DH to participate in their brother’s wedding in peace. But you opted for maximum drama centred around yourself. I’m not even sure the alcohol had anything to do with this frankly.

Yes, I get why you did it, and really have you lost anything at all? Your husband has presumably stood by and allowed his family to treat you this way for decades.

However, this is a step too far and you know it. I think you need to stay away from alcohol if it makes you so unpredictable.

It sounds like a toxic situation all round. At least it's over now - perhaps subconsciously you did something that you knew there could be no going back from to get yourself out?

Look forward now, focus on building a new life, divorcing amicably and staying away from alcohol!

Good for you. Finally told them all what you think of them sounds like they deserved it. If you were going to do it a wedding day is the the perfect time. Go big or go home as they say.
Wish I still had all my in laws numbers I’d be tempted to do the same.
Keep an eye on your drinking, be too easy to slip into bad habits. Don’t worry too much about access to your son tell him the truth.

And farted?

This doesn’t seem real and I don’t have much sympathy if it is to be honest. I wouldn’t expect my dh to be replying to messages while at a wedding, you sound controlling and manipulative if this is real.

I can't figure out why him not texting back when he was at a wedding would be an issue at all, let alone be the final straw leading to that reaction!

But it does sound like separation is what should have happened a long time ago anyway 🤷‍♀️

Don't do this imagine the pain it would cause a child to know that his dad and extended family wanted him terminated. They obviously love him and want to see him. I'd facilitate contact if that's what he wants.