Just Snapped

[WeddingWTF]

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

I don't understand how sending drunken texts makes the maths work.

I'm with you on this. The victim is always portrayed as the villain. She snapped. Only so much rubbing in one's face one can take when you've had to endure a lifetime of personal attacks from everyone. And kids dad doesn't even have your back.

I did something similar - so similar in fact that if my in-laws read your post they’d think it was me (apart from the wedding bit!)

Mine was after 20 years of constant sniping too - even the ‘slag’ name calling, though that only happened once (in my earshot anyway!)

I’ve got no advice because i don't regret what i did/said one bit - hell would freeze over before I’d apologise. I’m glad they’re out of my life and I don’t have to pretend to be civil anymore.

I get you OP, sometimes the pot just boils over - doing it on a wedding day though arghhh 🙈😅 No judgement here, I can’t imagine if one of them was getting married the day I exploded I would’ve behaved any differently tbh.

I hope you can move on from it - at least it’s all out in the open and you don’t have to pretend anymore.

Why did your ex leave the marital property? That was stupid of him.

I don't really understand choosing to sabotage someone's wedding but if it improved your life, that's good, I suppose.

Tbh most of the MN is the clan of "I would rather someone told me partner is cheating on me".
So yeah, you gave her the details.

Tbh the whole family sounds toxic af and you did the right thing. Surelly you would not want your child to grow up in that.

On another note, prepare yourself with options, solicitors and make sure they have as little contact with child as possible unless it is you and your ex DH.

Because alcohol is a truth telling substance!

Maybe that's why the numbers don't work - she's sober now and making it up.

The only thing that I think you got really wrong @WeddingWTF is your timing. You should have told them all of this years ago, and not on a significant day to them. Of course, in hindsight, getting back with the sperm donor of your DS was probably your biggest mistake.

Please let them take you to court, no family court judge would give a teenager into the custody of his father unless that is where your DS wants to live. If he does want to live there then you might have to let him anyway, and you would have a very different battle on your hand. If that were to happen then please come back here, as I think that that is something we could give you a lot of good advice on.

I doubt that they will bother taking you to court, even if they can afford it. I think that they just want to scare and punish you. Talk things over with your son calmly, and rationally, and see if you and he can come to an agreement on how often he wants to see his dad and his dad's toxic family.
Good luck OP 💐

It improved her life because she doesn't have to pretend anymore. We're not here to ensure everyone has a happy life when they couldn't give one iota about ours. The whole family were toxic. She snapped. That's what she said.

She probably has the texts to remind her

Ok.

TBH I say good on you for what you did. I honestly started to giggle reading your opening post.

Disappointed that you apologised. Personally own what you did as a response to years of nastiness and be proud you did it.

As for them taking you to court

I would tell them to bring it on. They wanted him dead and now they want to play nice so they can tell your DS what a horrible deranged person his mother is

No court is ever going to give them visitation.

Imagining sil getting that text on her wedding day and looking around to find that new dh and her best mate are nowhere to be seen.

Stop apologising and tell them all to F**k off

Cant believe that people are thinking you are an awful person. I can’t think of a better way to tell the people who hate you that whilst they were laughing at you and calling you names, they didn’t notice what was really going on

@HarkerandBarker cool. She could have chosen to not pretend anymore at any minute in the last 13+ years though.
Or to have snapped like, the day after her husband's sisters wedding day. Or not at all, and just divorced the man.

If only life was so easy. So black and white. People are all different. That's the take away from this 🙏

For posters saying that I should have spoken up sooner. I did and it was always my fault. I honestly couldn't do right for doing wrong.

Sounds like the divorce should have happened long, long ago. Best just forget the embarrassing text rage thing.

But you know better. Don’t let these people who’ve never supported you take your dignity away. You can overcome this by just telling people the truth. Being quiet about being abused does no one any good. Tell your truth.

Your husband's horrible; you are better off without him. And his family sound like idiots - how could YOU be a "slag" for having a baby out of wedlock without their son/brother/whatever also equally being a "slag"? It doesn't even make sense.

Absolutely don't communicate with his family about your child seeing them, the communication should be with your child's father ONLY and he can orchestrate the rest. If his family see the child, he does the work to make that happen during his time with his son.

Tbh I get it.
It's reactive abuse where you've taken so much abuse and rubbish from his family and now just snapped.
Everyone has a breaking point and this lady reached hers
Sometimes your rationale leaves especially when you have gone through sustained emotional abuse

How appalling. Why on earth would you confirm everything they ever thought of you?
You are so worried about what they say to your son so you gave them the perfect gift all wrapped up with a bow.

You chose to stay. And you chose to end it.
Onwards and upwards now. Your child will take his cues from you so make them healthy ones. Make plans for your future, you seem to dwell on a past that will never be any different. Time for you to start living your life

Get a good divorce & family solicitor and explain how the in-laws have tried to alienate your son from you.

Also, mention that they've tried to force you to get an abortion & that your stbxdh enabled them. Due to all their past & current abusive behaviour, you want full custody of your son. Sharing custody with your stbxh, will expose your son to further toxic & alienating behaviour from him & his family.

https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/parent-carer-or-family-member/applications-child-arrangements-order/how-your-family-court-adviser-makes-their-assessment-your-childs-welfare-and-best-interests/alienating-behaviours

You did not snap. You are angry and resentful and you picked your moment. Your marriage is dead, you need to accept this cut and move on. What they did was awful, but after years of letting it go , you went nuclear and ruined a wedding day and painted yourself in a terrible light. It’s all unforgivable, the marriage is over, move on.

That seems quite unfair to what is basically a young woman who was abused from a teenager by them.

Agree. Reactive abuse is exactly what it is.

Your DH and in laws sound horrible. I'm so sorry that you have had to live this way for so many years. Your timing may have been less than ideal, but I certainly don't blame you for snapping. Do you have a support system? Have you considered getting some therapy to help you heal from the years of abuse?