Just Snapped

[WeddingWTF]

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

Yes and she dudn't but understood the reference

Draw a line in the sand. It's done now; all you can do is move forward. Don't let guilt force you into making bad decisions. Your ex's family have no right to tell you what you can and cannot do with your son or to insist they see him at specific dates and times. What you need to do now, is take the separation one step at a time, as logically as you can.

• Is your home stable - do you earn enough to pay the mortgage/rent and bills?
• Have you arranged childcare for your son when you are at work (if necessary)?
• Does your son understand that you and his dad are no longer living together but both still love him etc?
• Have you found a solicitor to manage the separation/divorce/custody arrangements/financials?
• Look at some of the free online documents available for separated parents that provide an outline for things to discuss and agree, like where will your son live most of the time, how often will he see the other parent and when, how will school holidays be split, how will events like Christmas/Easter be managed, how will maintenance be paid etc.
• Speak/email/text your ex to arrange contact times with his son. It's up to your ex to decide if his son sees your ex's family on those days.

Especially if she tells them she was abused by these people for years. I'm not in the UK but in my country what the OP has reported here is considered psychological and verbal violence by the courts, and potentially grounds for protection / restraining orders. And if the family talks about adult issues to the son or badmouths his mother in front of him, that is considered child abuse by the courts and grounds for orders restricting contact with specific people or for contact to be supervised. This is why OP needs to see a family lawyer, even a couple hundred dollars for sound advice about rights and options is well worth it.

I get it OP. Maybe not the best way of doing things, but it sounds like they deserved every word if it. Anyway, you are where you are, deep breaths, hydrate and deal with the hangover and get your ducks in a row to move on. My best wishes to you and your son.

So she deserved to be called a slag by that whole family just because she had a baby at 18 years old? Your pleasant!

I feel your pain.Yes what you did was wrong but after being put down and made 2nd best especially from your husband who should of made you and your son priority is why you have reacted this way.You need to rebuild your confidence in yourself and be strong and supportive for your sons benefit and be glad that your away from these toxic people.I hope everything goes well for you.

Did you say your DH has moved in with his brother and the bride who's wedding it was ? I wonder if she's always thought she had gone out with the wrong brother ?

I don't think she should be wasting any time worrying about how she looked to this bunch of arseholes. They'd twist anything to fit their agenda anyway.

This is nonsense.

The NMC doesn't investigate nurses over private texts to relatives, no matter how unkind. Unless there’s criminal conduct, a threat to patient safety or serious reputational damage to the profession, it’s irrelevant to their remit.

You know what you did was wrong. To be honest I'm not sure that you can come back from this, regardless of if everything you said is true, it's was an awful thing to do and that's all everyone will remember. Any wrongdoings will be denied and they will all move on and focus on what you did.

I know that sounds harsh, but I think you'll just need to deal with the fall out as best you can and move on.

Move on with your life OP.
You are free.
Gather all the support you can from friends and family. Especially for your son - keep those ties strong.
Concentrate on being the best mam you can - your son will hopefully recognise any attempts to vilify you, for what they are.
Don't let them dictate when they can see your son.
I would communicate only with his father - minimal contact. Stick to facts not emotions. You can even have someone else as a dedicated contact with ex if needed.
Personally, I'd want this sorted in court.
Don't put anthing into texts etc that can be used against you.
I'd be blocking his family - nil contact.
You'll come out the other side if this as a much stronger person.
Best Wishes to you and your son.

Stop behaving like a victim (‘they did this to me/they said that to me’) and get out of your unhappy marriage.
Your actions were unhinged, but at least make them count for something!

I absolutely don't blame you for snapping in this situation, yeah the timing isn't ideal but so what, they've all treated you like shite for years and this was their comeuppance! I hope you and your son can move on and have a happy life x

You had your son at 18,he is early teens now.Where has the 20 years of shit come from that you have put up with?

Honestly, it sounds as though you're going to be much, much happier without them. They are extremely toxic and your husband is a spineless prick. You child should not have to live around these toxic people; I'd do what you can to keep them away from them. Move if necessary.

It sounds like snapping was actually a bit of a blessing? As it’s rid you of your awful husband and his family. You don’t need to put up with them now, you’re free of them. Now stop ruminating on what happened and focus on fighting for your child.

Not exactly in agreement with how you went about things but people can push others to far and if they're willing to treat another person like they've treated you they must accept their part and take some of the blame.

I'd never have sent letters of apology, especially as you say everything you wrote was true, wouldn't have given them the time of day.

I wouldn't even be jumping to their requests about seeing your DS, if he wants to see his dad that's fine, don't stop him, but then his dad can come and collect him, as for going to court it's not about how much money they have, a child's needs will be more important, so don't let them bully and control you into having their own way.
If they play nasty just remember to remind them how they didn't even want him born.

What's done is done now, it's your time to be rid of this family where you're concerned and soon your DC will be old enough to come and go where that side of his family are concerned, hopefully they're big enough not to involve DC in all the toxicity.

Concentrate on building your future with you at the helm, they may continue to treat you like they have done but take control and think how lucky you are to be out of such a nasty family, they'll soon get bored as you'll no longer be around for them to be nasty to your face.

We all have a tether and you were pushed so far you reached the end of yours and royally went for it so to speak.

Really shocked how the voting is going on this one. Youve been emotionally abused for years and in that moment you found whatever strength you needed to finally stand up for yourself. The timing isn’t great, yes, but if you hadn’t done anything then then it might have been years before you got the fire in your belly again. Well done.

IF this is real, and the timeline is a little off, then who gives a fuck? If these people really are that cunty then block and move on, get your divorce and only communicate with ex-H regarding your son. Be cordial and get on with your life.

For some reason, I think its funny. Probably really inappropriately.

Obviously OP your resentment was brewing... Not a good or polite thing to do, but you now have to stay by what you've done. I would not apologise or back off, seems like they have not been good to you at all.

This is a sure way to cut ties with all these people. I would also move.

'In that moment' (or rather a very long time texting all those people her drunken ramblings), she didn't find strength. She found a bottle of wine and a mobile phone to hide behind.

Cowardly, but the fact she chose their wedding day makes it beyond nasty too.

I dont understand why people think wedding is something super special. Its just a day. If it was funeral, for example, or someone taken ill, or something child related - ok. But wedding? Its not like its 19 century, people marry all the time, some several times in their life. Its just a day.

Wow OP. Just sending you best wishes for a new future.

Imagine if she'd done it in person. Probs would have ended up with police being called.

Erm no she hasn't. Others have also been a massive part of this.. its only just that it caught up with the others on wedding day of all days.