Help me feel ok about this will

[TerryWogansWig]

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

I’d be miffed too- charity begins at home!!

All the jealous little souls on this page 😖

family first!!!

charities are businesses!!! how much of your pound goes Direct to the cause you chose? every penny of the pound goes to your family!

go check your selves!

I might be going against the grain here - but I would be pissed.

I used to work at a law firm and a couple I knew wrote a will leaving a small amount of assets to their child, zero assets to their other children (stepchildren of the youngest child’s mother) and the rest to charity. The charity’s were going to get a LOT of money.

The aforementioned couple weren’t even old. I did notice quite a few old people left a lot of their assets to charities. We would have to sometimes contact the charities to get specific wording so that probate wouldn’t be complicated.

I think old people are atoning for their sins and leaving their money to charity is a way to do that. I did find it weird when old women - would leave entire estates to charity. Often it was money they inherited when their husband passed and I feel they didn’t know the value of what they were giving away and wondered if their husbands were alive (who had actually earned the money) they might be more inclined to give the money to their relatives.

I do think there are predatory charities who target old people to get themselves written into their wills. If I approached an old person with the intention of getting written into the will it would be considered sociopathic - but when charities do this it is somehow ok.

Anyway, it sucks. But there’s not much you can do about it. I don’t have a wealthy aunt or uncle who has never had children - so I’m not expecting any money from anywhere. But I do know people who have received inheritances when they were young and it has enabled them to buy property. A friend received money from her grandfather’s estate and bought an apartment when she was fresh out of university and rented the rooms out. Having that security meant she could backpack across Asia for 18 months and not have to worry about not having a place to live when she finally came home.

It’s unfair for those of us who get nothing. But there’s not much we can do about it.

@TerryWogansWig

We knew what she had because DH looked after her finances.

This part of your last update jumped out at me - did your DH do anything for the Aunt besides keep a track of his “inheritance” help her look after her finances?

She's not even your Aunt! You don't need to get past anything.

Look at the positive: that money will do so much good for community.

I can understand how this must hurt you

why is she doing this ?

yes no one is entitled to money but most would leave to their children and in time you would help your son and leave anything to them

Another thread where I realise it might be a good thing that there is no chance that I will inherit anything.

I don’t think most people would. Many people feel quite strongly about it being passed down to the next generation of their family. If that means a niece or nephew, or skipping a generation and going to grandchildren then they feel better about it. We all know that some charities are more like corporate entities these days and that money doesn’t always go in the right pot.

@TerryWogansWig at least she didn't;t leave a percentage to the charities which leaves beneficiaries open to horrible bullying from charities.
@Loubylie my nephews are set to inherit entirely from DH and I. The elder is one of our executors and the younger (9) has his Mum as the other executor.

I have no children and am single, and will remain that way. I’m also a very high earner and am mortgage-free on a house worth over €500k.
I have lots of ‘niblings’ and I know some of my siblings fully expect my estate to be divided among them - one of my sisters has actually said to me that she thinks I should already be giving them 3k annually that would be tax free! In the course of a conversation about a small local charity that’s very close to my heart, I mentioned I’d left them a large donation in my will… my sister looked across at her son with arched eyebrows and a knowing look, as much as to say ‘she’s leaving it to charity, not you!!’

The sense of entitlement people have about inheritance is repulsive to me. I will be very wary of the avaricious crew who start circling around me when I’m older.

You are absolutely horrible 🤮
it doesn’t surprise me you would rather help strangers than family!
Charities have thousands upon thousands of people giving, how much of your pound makes it to that charity????

Again, appreciative of the viewpoints expressed here.

To be clear, I’M not inheriting, DH is. So I’ve no real skin in the game, other than any opinions on joint income.

A £50k inheritance from an aunt is a wonderful windfall! Appreciate it. Your husband could have been left nothing.

Yes, what is this? The father of my godchildren has hinted at this. I send my godchildren gifts, take them out/away. Have fun with them.
They will be receiving a moment gift and some cash. But that is it.
Said father of my godchildren expressed his disappointment when my sister had a child!

Wow, that's really generous, unusual to get anything from an aunt.

You haven't answered yet what your DH did for her while she was alive.
A constant presence and support? Or just the odd visit?

If DH didn't do much than 50K is loaaaads! and that's how you both 'can feel ok about the will'
If he was someone close and supportive i can understand the feeling hurt.

It’s not your will. You didn’t need to feel good about it. I hate the entitlement/greed.

Presumably she has her own parents for that if they want to. Surely it’s not on every family member without children to feel honour bound to leave their money to family. Why can’t they chose to do what they like with their money ? and when did not leaving a niece money mean you don’t love them. Is love just about money ?

I’ve heard similar .,, charity’s hounding breaved families etc..
I would be upset op - £50 g to the charities and split the £ 800 g.
Sounds like aunt really didn’t like her relatives / friends that much …..

I would want my realatives to be able to get on the property ladder - charity begins at home.

The actual quote is 'Charity begins at home, but should not end there.' (Thomas Fuller) Sounds like the aunt took that on board.

Good for her

‘But should not end there’

Big, huge waste of money. Peanuts to Big Charity, standard help to a decent family.

With you, OP. How sad and silly
that woman was.

You’ll get flamed here - MNetters in inherited or social housing don’t like other people getting a look in. Ugly.

The niece has her own parents for that though. Perhaps pp has other personal priorities. If anyone inheriting from us felt hard done by I’d be disgusted. The choice is entirely on the person with the money.

Go check yourself and your entitled attitude!

it was the aunts money, can see why she gave it to charity. I wound as well, if I had relatives with an attitude like yours and OPs.

Charities make good use of their money, no matter what nonsense you spout.