Help me feel ok about this will

[TerryWogansWig]

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

You will get your husbands mothers share as well I imagine. If she left everything to her son and daughter . Is that how it works?

You grabby, awful person! Nobody is entitled to anyone’s money! Full stop. £50k is exceptionally generous from an aunt!
I don’t have children. The majority of my money will be going to charity, not my niece.

I think maybe looking into the charities and what they do with the money with give you some sense of perspective. My partners work is mostly funded by charities. He's had grants from tens of thousands to several hundred thousands and are making progress in the understanding of the diseases he works in.

My nan cut one of my uncles out of her will due to a family fall out. She decided to gift his share to a charity that has supported them both prior to the fall out. He obviously was displeased about being removed from the will but appreciated that instead it was donated to cause that meant something to him and my nan

I am really close to my husband’s aunt - closer than him. We have an independent, separate relationship built on a shared interest. I would definitely more sad than him when she dies

Still 50k is tonnes

You’ve taken the comments well OP. Fair play to you. I think I was a bit harsh before.

The OP was I believe related to the Aunt by marriage? It is her husband who inherits although obviously the OP will benefit. It was believed rightly or wrongly by the family that the estate was to be split 4 ways between family? I don’t think that was an unreasonable position to take. Yes I would be extremely unhappy or as you put it ‘gutted’ if a relative left money to a charity instead of family members. Several other posters feel the same and have said so. However as all my relatives are long dead it’s not a scenario I will find myself in.

Uberaddict · Today 19:56

pollyglot · Today 19:38
It's not even your own aunt, FFS.

I am really close to my husband’s aunt - closer than him. We have an independent, separate relationship built on a shared interest. I would definitely more sad than him when she dies
Still 50k is tonnes

a) OP did not say that she was closer than her DH to auntie.

b) This is not about you

I think £50k is a great sum of money for you and how lovey that charities are benefitting.

50k is 50k more than I will ever get.

I think most wealthy people do this, don’t they? I read that a lot of celebs are doing the same with their actual children.

I can understand your disappointed if you had planned your life around it, but if you have done that it was very presumptuous.

That is a lot of money to be left by an Aunt and I think you should just be grateful your DH has received anything. She could have left every penny to charity, which a lot of single childless people do to stop people being fake nice to chase their inheritance.

It's the title of the thread that really riled me. "Help ME feel ok about this will". FFS. How presumptuous.

you are being unreasonable. Get past it.

It isn’t really anyone’s business who the Aunt leaves the rest of money too.
Your only concern is how you use your money, and 50k is a good amount, focus on this only.
That’s how I see it.

and the money donated to the charities will go into a nice fat salary package (in ireland anyway) she was a clown, but maybe ye did not do enough for her, in her own eyes.

Charities get very aggressive about money left to them in wills and can be absolutely ruthless. I wouldn't mess around or try to fight them about it unless you have rock solid legal advice.

Coming from a background of having to pay for my dad's funeral as step mother claimed they had no money, and experiencing a distant cousin who died unexpectedly with no will and their money going to a relative slightly less distant than us rather than the well deserving charities they would have wanted their money to go to had they had a will. I struggle to find an answer to how you could be helped to be ok with this will. Perhaps by celebrating the life of someone who has died and was kind enough to leave your husband a lot of money.

I’m guessing your attitude did not endear you to her OP

You are being completely unreasonable, entitled and ungrateful. Imagine receiving £50k and "feeling dejected" about it!

You shouldnt have been 'expecting' anything and you dont get a say in how the aunt "should" have dealt with her finances. For a start it's not even your relative! Posting online to ask people for help to get past it is just bizarre

100% this!

I’d be pissed off as well OP.

£800k to charity when it could have made a life changing difference to my blood relatives? No way. Particularly when it appears that your DH did
stuff to help her.

£50k is actually not a lot if you’re trying to get more than one kid on the property ladder.

DH and I plan to do exactly the same. We have 8 nieces and nephews between us and will leave them all a small amount, but the bulk will go to charity. My MIL found out and got the absolute shits with us and told us we were terrible people for doing something so awful. We told her it’s our money and we will do what we please with it. The nieces and nephews on DH’s side barely interact with us. We are definitely closer to the ones on my side but they have parents who will provide for them all well. We would rather try and help kids who haven’t got the privileges our lot do.

Exactly! People are being ridiculous. You’re not telling me every person having a go wouldn't be disappointed by this outcome?! Come on get real!

Sorry OP I can understand exactly how you feel.

Think of it this way, if you didn't have any idea about her having over 1 million in the bank, you'd be over the moon with £50 grand yes? You should be delighted, you've been given 50 grand for doing nothing!

Lucky niece 🙄

This!

Why? Don’t you love her and want to do everything in your power to make her life easier?