Help me feel ok about this will

[TerryWogansWig]

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

I have no kids. I have adult nephews and nieces i barely see, they’ve never even wish me happy birthday. Why should i leave everything to them? I have Godchildren too.

When i’m older i’ll decide what i leave to who i’m in touch with/close with. Charities will benefit. I’ve never had an inheritance, never will and i hate what it does to people in some cases.

Then why feel dejected? Sounds like you're backpeddling now.

Jesus OP. What charities specifically do you think you are more entitled to your husbands aunts money than? Cancer? Abuse victims? Vulnerable children?

poor old you with only 50k.

Going against the grain here - I can see why you would be disappointed if you were expecting way more.

50K is obviously absolutely amazing, but it doesn’t really get you very far these days. If you were thinking you might’ve come out of it with way more, I can definitely understand why you feel disappointed (even if you shouldn’t).

I think it’s a normal reaction. But then I am a tad on the greedy side.

Will your DH inherit from his late DM too?

Years ago I worked at the Charity Commission and a behind-the-scenes examination of UK charities was, let's say, deflating. Either wildly disorganised or run like a slick corporation. Might as well leave your money to Pfizer or the local mad cat lady (which to be fair these days is probably me). Agree with a PP that some people like to virtue signal in this way and earn some last-minute Brownie points in Heaven, perhaps especially if they have some latent guilt about having led a somewhat privileged life.

I'm sorry you've had a hard time on here OP and completely appreciate your disappointment, as well as you being so candid about it. Yes, 50K is a lot, but it's hard not to wish his aunt had made decisions that could have really transformed the lives of future generations of her family.

Totally -

I understand your disappointment. But her money and her choices. Enjoy the 50k it’s more than you had before.

Not backpedaling. It just feels at first sight unjust to me, so I thought I’d get some views from a forum I respect for honesty and no bullshit!

my own thoughts are the ones I feel need adjusting, so again thanks for reality checking.

Agree
people need ti read up on this.
akso , having seen my nieces and nephews grow up and love them very much , then would want to make thier lives better in any way I could …..

This

Op give your head a wobble. It's a significant some from an aunt through marriage for you. Many people won't get anywhere near that from their parents.

Crass and grabby.

Op you do NOT have ti adjust your views
I’m shocked at some of these replies.
Not sure if it’s jealousy or ‘money is the root all evil’
A lot of good can be done with money.

It’s irrelevant how the charities spend their money though. The aunt decided where she wanted her money to go, and she no doubt had her reasons for that. No one is entitled to anyone else’s cash.

It’s ok to feel disappointed, OP. We are expectant of ‘something’ from my husband grandmother one day, which would be very welcome as we are getting increasingly worried about the mortgage after some real bad luck in recent years. We will get over it of course, but I can understand the initial feeling.

Unjust in what way? Don’t you think she was of sound mind when she made her decision?

something that is close to your heart means that it has value to you, not that you need anyone's permission who you leave your money to; that you have stated this to those, 'expecting,' what is your intentions are leaves no room for disappointment or expectation.

But if one has been told that they will inherit, or if has been inferred, feel it's understandable to be disappointed.

My great aunt cared for her parents for 20 years, and although there wasn't a direct inheritance, after a compulsory purchase of the land, my grandfather, as executor felt it was morally right to give her the proceeds.

She had a blast with the £1.5m.

I assume they actually got 75K, as the mom already died so if they got her share and was split between the 2 kids.

I think a lot of people, whether they’d admit it or not, feel entitled to deceased relatives’ money. It doesn’t sound nice when you say it like that, but it’s almost a socially acceptable form of greed.

I think you're confusing the feeling of being massively disappointed with the feeling of injustice. That's not me being snarky, it's just what I think is going on here. Intentionally or not, you've assumed a huge, life-changing sum of money was likely to be coming your way - who wouldn't hope for that? Who doesn't mentally think of all the good that could come of it in their own lives?

And then once you find out you're getting a (still life-changing, for lots of people, and very generous) smaller sum, you feel like you've 'lost' 250k (or 375k, I guess, if DH's mum has died). That has got to feel disappointing and bit surprising.

But you haven't lost anything - you've gained 50k, and your assumptions have made it feel like a loss. So THAT feels unfair - because you feel like you've had something taken from you. I get it, but you need to just....give your head a bit of a wobble. It wasn't ever money that was yours, and when it comes to wills there is no 'fair'. You still got a lovely windfall and many, many, many people will never inherit a penny: lucky you.

So you think 50k isn't a large sum of money???

@TerryWogansWig ,tbf if I was your DH and you were complaining about receiving 50k I'd make sure that about 75% was put in trust for your DCS / young nephew/ nieces aa you obviously don't think it's worth having.

You’d probably get agro from people but if you’re here complaining then off course your husband is probably upset and rightly so. This is my opinion on it. Everyone is entitled to spend their money how they want however anyone who gives money away to charities when they have blood family ( who they have great relationships with and not just cultures you’ve never seen that turn up when you are dead) is not a nice person. Charity begins at home! Can’t be given £800k to charities when you have close family members that need it. But when you’re dead you’re dead, nothing changes except my opinion of Aunty Bessie.

50k would literally change my life so I can't get my head around your reaction I'm sorry... I honestly think it's a lovely thing to do for a charity and a really nice way to leave your mark when you go. To be honest even if my own mum did that I wouldn't be that devastated because she's done more for me throughout my life than I could ever repay her for both financially and emotionally so yeah to be your being v v v v v unreasonable. I'm sure you have your reasons though...

Can’t be given £800k to charities when you have close family members that need it

We don’t know that the OP’s partner needs it. Maybe he just wants it.

One of fhe posts I saw on here about inheritance will always linger with me. A poster was bemoaning the fact that people tend to live for longer these days and this meant that they would have to wait until they were well into middle age to inherit! Greed and entitlement writ large