Grossed out by new partner walking in when I was showering

[HelenaJl]

I have a fairly new partner, my first after my 10 year marriage ended. I stayed at his for the first time last night and went to have a shower this morning (no lock on the door). A few minutes in my partner walked in and used the loo!! He was sat there trying to talk to me and I didn’t know where to look. When I said afterwards I didn’t expect that he said it shows how comfortable he is around me and that his past relationships have always been like that so it’s just normal these days.

I can tell you in my entire marriage my ex never walked in on me to use the loo and vice versa! I found him sitting there and ‘dropping off’ a right turn off to be honest!

100% chapping the door announcing a code brown is acceptable going in and doing it is with the other 5ft away washing is not 😂

Why do you put up with this?! “Three kids in” is no excuse.

In our house the loos are separate so this will never be an issue.

Thank God!

Because there are bigger things in life to worry and fuss about.

So did my husband but I can’t think of anything worse that either of us shitting in front of the other 🤢

@Raindropsandroses123 sorry the fecking useless swipe function lost your quote again.

Again, trying to be kind about this rather than say what I actually think.

He put OP in a position where she was forced to watch him shit in front of her. Unless she had agreed to that, that’s crossing a line which for most people is a boundary

At what point in the 30 years do you go “we don’t care anymore about shitting in front of each other”?! Today is my 17th anniversary and I can’t see us getting to that point in the next 13 years! Minging

Yuck no way ever

Haha my friend had the same thing with her new man and was also horrified. But she just calmly mentioned it at an opportune moment the next time they were together and said she’d rather not share a bathroom. My partner and I are both divorced and we agree we want to keep bathroom stuff private and we won’t be sharing. Unless it’s the occasional steamy shower!

@Raindropsandroses123 is it an either or situation?! Like you can worry about death and war or you can say “please don’t shit in front of me” to your husband?!

Probably around the one baby one toddler stage. We don’t do it now. But if I was having a poo and he needed to come in to get something from the cupboard, I’d be ok with it. Would stop pushing though😁😬

@thestudio well we’re long past that stage. Literally nothing in a bathroom cupboard was so important that we couldn’t wait for the shitting partner to fully finish.

I agree, it's a power/territory thing, making her endure something she is not at all comfortable with.
This would never happen to me, I would 100% lock the door ever if I was cleaning my teeth, just to send a clear message that the bathroom is a PRIVATE space.
I understand that some people are 'outliers' and prefer a communal approach but surely they will realise that they are unusual in this regard and would that others would find this very invasive!

The point isn’t that he went to the toilet, it’s that he didn’t check if you were comfortable with it. Never mind what his other partners felt about it - it’s not acceptable to just stroll in and poo. It sounds like a power display to me, especially as you couldn’t exactly leave the room immediately. YANBU

That's not exactly unusual. Judging by most of the comments on this thread, it's pretty unusual to go for a shit in front of anyone, regardless of if they have seen you give birth. Having a baby is a shared experience for most, I have no desire for DH to share his shits with me.

This is insane behaviour on his part and would send my fanny clamping shut permanently. I could not get over this.

No, I'm sorry but no. The expectation for normal human interaction is that if you want to do something outlandish/painful/unpleasant/unusual you ask FIRST. You don't just do it and expect the person to tell you they don't like it when you're half way through. Apply your logic to something sexual - slapping, anal for example. Do you put the onus on the woman to tell the man she doesn't want his cock up her bum when he's already trying to stick it in or do you expect him to seek consent first? Shitting in front of another person isn't normal behaviour. If you want to do it, you ask first.

Honestly, that’s even worse. It never occurred to him that you might not like that? So instead of playing it safe and using the downstairs loo, he uses the bathroom you’re in? I know MN can be a bit prone to seeing red flags everywhere but honestly this does feel a bit like he’s testing your boundaries. Did he even ask if it was ok? It’s his house but you’re his guest and he should have asked.

I've never pooed with a partner in the room and vice versa, that's absolutely grim.

It’s the fact that he has done this so early on in the relationship which is the even biggest turn off for me!

100% agree. To assume it would be OK without asking is ludicrous.

Absolutely.

Been with my partner 10 years and we are pretty comfortable together and not prudish, but would both not be ok with this. We only have one bathroom as well - if you need the loo then you should say before someone goes in for a shower. Obviously some couples are fine with it, but I think barging in on your partner having a shower the first time they’ve ever stayed over and having a sh*t without even checking if they mind isn’t a great sign for the future re. respect & consideration in general.

Exactly this. It doesn’t matter whether everyone else thinks it’s fine or not fine, the fact is he didn’t take your feelings into consideration and dismissed you when you expressed misgivings. Doesn’t matter if it’s shitting when I’m in the shower or putting ketchup on chips we’re going to share, someone who doesn’t ask what your preference is will eventually make you lose your mind. Run away.

It’s hard to think he didn’t just do it on purpose to see how quickly he could stomp all over your boundaries then.