Grossed out by new partner walking in when I was showering

[HelenaJl]

I have a fairly new partner, my first after my 10 year marriage ended. I stayed at his for the first time last night and went to have a shower this morning (no lock on the door). A few minutes in my partner walked in and used the loo!! He was sat there trying to talk to me and I didn’t know where to look. When I said afterwards I didn’t expect that he said it shows how comfortable he is around me and that his past relationships have always been like that so it’s just normal these days.

I can tell you in my entire marriage my ex never walked in on me to use the loo and vice versa! I found him sitting there and ‘dropping off’ a right turn off to be honest!

Tho you are a family

this was her first sleepover at his

There would be only one time that someone would do this to me. They’d be out of the door with my boot up their arse ( or I’d be a dot on the horizon. Dirty bastard

Ew, no! It would never have crossed either of our minds as being ok! It's gross and disrespectful. Oh you are trapped in there washing your body? Smell my shit!

Red flag for what?

Maybe he’s used to taking a dump in front of others? Has he been in prison 🤨?

Ohh yuck that would give me the ick I’m afraid

For having (let’s be kind) ‘different’ boundaries which he pushes onto OP without checking.

Yeah exactly - that makes it even worse right. He’s went out of his way to do this the first night she stays over.

It may or may not be boundary pushing. It may be that he genuinely does think this is normal, and maybe it is for him, regardless of how most people on this thread feel. The truth will come out if you choose to continue the relationship. Having expressed that you do not like it, it can never happen again. If it does, well there you have it. If he is a decent but deluded man, he will respect that you did not see it as a sign of comfort. If he is a boundary pushing arsehole, he will continue.

Having a shit is not remotely akin to having sex. Don’t be silly.

Anyway, it’s not just ‘seeing him on the loo’ - she was having a shower and he came in, and without asking if she minded, sat down and started curling one out.

I’ve been with my partner 22 years and we’ve certainly seen each other at our worst and most undignified, but that doesn’t mean that a) we don’t want some privacy now and again and b) we want to have a shower next to someone straining out a stinking turd.

That would be the first and last time I showered when he's around OP. He should have knocked on the door, told you he needed to use the loo, and given you the chance to wrap yourself in a towel and vacate the bathroom if that's what you wanted. If he'd done that, and you were happy for him to perform in front of you, you could have then said, 'fine by me, come on in', but to not give you any choice when it's the first time you've stayed over, is just absolutely ill mannered and gross to me, I'd be ('scuse the pun) dumping him!

Again, having a piss isn’t really the same as a shag, though, is it? Unless you incorporate piss into your sex life - no judgement if you do - having sex with someone and watching them have a wee are two different things.

I don’t mind my partner having a pee in front of me when necessary, but it’s not a strange or unreasonable boundary for someone to have.

God no! What’s the matter with the man? I wouldn’t feel comfortable with him after this and it does sound like he’s trying to push you out of a comfort zone.

Holy fuck, that’s grim!

I have been married for half my life and DH and I have never seen each other doing a poo! Nor a wee for that matter unless you count DH doing lookout while I pee in the bushes!

It just isn’t necessary and frankly I don’t want to see DH’s pooing face, I’m guessing he feels the same🫣

It’s bad enough when we stay in hotels with poor sound insulation and I get the sound effects!

Like what? It can be just at face value and not mean anything else.

Like thinking she's happy to watch/hear/smell him shit while she's in the shower despite having a second functional toilet in the house.

It's your first paragraph that makes him disgusting. If there was one toilet and he had asked if she'd minded, there wouldn't be an issue even if it isn't something everyone would be ok with.

Well that’s for her to shout out and say. If she doesn’t say anything they he won’t know any different. It’s rant simple.

That’s disgusting, no way would I be able to stay attracted to someone after seeing, hearing and smell them shit. What tf is wrong with people.

Erm.. for being fucking disgusting?

It’s a natural fact of life honey… everyone does it!!

Oh god no!
Complete turn off.

Aw no that’s way too much, both DH and I have nipped in for a quick pee, not a poop and not until well (years) into the relationship. Though for better or worse this far down the line do both openly pump in front of the other with no comment 😂(unless eating, or comment if one is particularly rancid 😂)

🤣🤣 In all my 35 years of marriage, husband and I have never ever 💩 in front of each other. Weeing no problem (although in his case, I'm not keen on seeing it coming out!) But 💩 no way! And we're not prudish. We only have one bathroom now as well but if we were desperate we'd just ask the other to hurry up.

Yes, but everybody doesn’t do it in front of other people.

Yuk!