Woman on holiday? AIBU?

[Gogoea]

We’re currently on holiday in Spain and got to know another family. Their daughter is the same age as my son - 9. We also have a 6 year old daughter.

Their other family’s 9 year old - I’ll call her Sarah - is visibly overweight/fat with breast growth. She’s an only child.

When were on a trip to another town yesterday the other mum got tipsy and said at lunch - all 7 of us were on the same table - and the mum pointed to an elephant in a book my daughter was reading and said “Sarah’s as fat as that”. -

My daughter giggled and repeated it and I could see Sarah’s face and she was very upset.

A bit later on Sarah still looked upset and wasn’t really interacting at all and her mum sharpiy snd curtly (about my daughter - let’s call her Maisie) said to Sarah;

”look she’s TRYING to make friends with you”.

As we all walked back to the bus stop - my 9 year old son said to Sarah -

“Don’t worry, Maisie (his sister) has called me fat as well”

in other words, my 9 year old DS failed to acknowledge Sarah’s mother’s fault in all this?

AIBU to now have realised that Sarah’s mum is a rancid toxic bitch?

How can someone be like that to their own 9 year old child?

She was still rude and the OP did agree that she should have said something to her. Yes, she copied, she's 6, but she was still rude.

But not as bad as the awful mother of poor Sarah, by any means. Maisie will grow out of it, the mother won't.

What's worse than a mother abusing a child?
People who witness it and say/do nothing.

All the adults present at the table witnessing a child being emotionally, mentally and verbally abused and humiliated by her caregiver in front of a large group of people, and not one of them, not ONE adult, spoke up for this poor little child.

Utter disgrace. Shame on her mother, and shame on every other bystander to the abuse they witnessed.

Grow the fuck up.

Why are they all not in school ?

Well it’s clearly not worse, is it? Being a witness can’t be worse than the action. Come on, love - think that one through in your head.

Its awful that parents ridicule their children about their bodies, in front of others too, makes you wonder what they are saying behind closed doors. That poor girls self esteem must be rock bottom.
Children go through hormonal changes, go through puberty at different times. Their bodies change in preparation for growing taller, our children were all sorts of body sizes going through KS2 , ages 8-16, particularly our second DS, he did alot of dancing, swam alot, didnt like fizzy drinks , ate mainly a veggie diet, but he appeared to be “overweight” but when he reached age 14/15 he lost all the weight, shot up and now at age 22, towers above me and his dad.
I dont think your 6 year was being “mean” she was just reacting to an awkward atmosphere, shes a young child-they react to most things by laughing.
Your son is sensitive and kind, he's showing his new friend how people should be, that girls mum has a-lot to learn.

Thank you - that’s so kind ❤️

Glad things improved for your son - sounds like he was happier, thinner ❤️

Girls mum is in her 50s! - but then again some might say - it’s never too late to learn!

This

That includes you. Do better next time.

My mother did this to me when I was about 10, shamed me exactly like this at a family party. My lovely aunt stood up for me straight away. I was not fat in anyway but my mother was very controlling about food and appearances. Years of toxic abuse have followed. I am 56 now. Those with loving mothers have no idea the damage a vile parent can do, the amount of times I have been told I should forgive her because she is my mother is unbelievable.

Yes mum sounds awful. But at the point your dd said that you should've stepped in and said something about how it's not nice to say such horrible things to other people,loudly enough and pointedly enough for the other mum to get that it was aimed at her too.

I cant believe you had the audacity to post this when you didnt call her and your DD out for the comment. I would have walked my DD away from the table for a stern talk and she would have apologised.

That poor kid is going to remember the day she was called an elephant on holiday forever, and that not one adult stood up for her. I hope you feel ashamed and start setting a better example to your kids.

Sorry you went through this and yes - very true

I was a podgy child and can still remember some of the comments made by my parents both to me and about me.
And they are still hurtful.
How exactly did they think I’d become overweight? The only people feeding me was them.
I still have an unhealthy relationship with food and am currently panicking about an upcoming holiday because I haven’t managed to lose a stone and everyone else will be tall and skinny (I’m 5’ 2” and 9st 4lbs so not that huge).
I made a conscious decision to never ever make my children feel like that and when I asked them recently (in their 30s now) thankfully they said that I’d never made them feel judged for anything.

Poor Sarah, my mum was exactly like Sarah's mum. I vividly remember each (very few) adult who was kind to me in the face of her cruelty.

Your ds is lovely, your dd needs guided as she gets older.

The rest of you are dicks.

Sorry you had a mum like this ❤️

Thank you, that's very kind of you. Honestly it meant the world every single time an adult stood up for me.

Are you sure this is Sarah's mum and not an evil step mum?

Did you ask your son what her mum was talking about when she told him 'don't forget what we talked about' I would be saying to my son you don't have secrets from me with other adults that's not safe

Why does it have to be an evil step mum,

Some birth mums can be evil just as some step mums can be great .

Your daughter is 6, and just followed the other Mum. However, you should have said to your daughter 'It's not nice to laugh at unkind words'. Later you needed to explain to your daughter that Sarah's Mum was being unkind to her daughter and shouldn't have said what she did. Your son was trying to make Sarah feel better, he wasn't likely to tell Sarah her Mum was mean - after all he's a child, she's an adult. Your daughter needs pulling up on calling her brother names too, because that's equally unkind. Sarah isn't buying the foods she's eating, her parents are, so therefore if Sarah is overweight, the fault of that solely lays with them. Sarah is eating too much of the wrong foods, and not doing enough exercise to counterbalance her food intake.

She’s definitely mum not step mum.

my son said the mum said Sarah’s been very spoilt as she’s an only child and asked him to make allowances for her behaviour

So a 9 year old child was insulted and humiliated by her own mother in front of people she doesn’t know, a younger child joins in and no one says anything? Apart from another 9 year old who did his best to be kind and make her feel better? But he’s to blame in some way for not calling out an adult he doesn’t know when his own mother (and father?) didn’t even step in and correct their own younger child’s mean behaviour? Ok…

No I’m not blaming my son and I can only apologise if my wording suggested that ..