Woman on holiday? AIBU?

[Gogoea]

We’re currently on holiday in Spain and got to know another family. Their daughter is the same age as my son - 9. We also have a 6 year old daughter.

Their other family’s 9 year old - I’ll call her Sarah - is visibly overweight/fat with breast growth. She’s an only child.

When were on a trip to another town yesterday the other mum got tipsy and said at lunch - all 7 of us were on the same table - and the mum pointed to an elephant in a book my daughter was reading and said “Sarah’s as fat as that”. -

My daughter giggled and repeated it and I could see Sarah’s face and she was very upset.

A bit later on Sarah still looked upset and wasn’t really interacting at all and her mum sharpiy snd curtly (about my daughter - let’s call her Maisie) said to Sarah;

”look she’s TRYING to make friends with you”.

As we all walked back to the bus stop - my 9 year old son said to Sarah -

“Don’t worry, Maisie (his sister) has called me fat as well”

in other words, my 9 year old DS failed to acknowledge Sarah’s mother’s fault in all this?

AIBU to now have realised that Sarah’s mum is a rancid toxic bitch?

How can someone be like that to their own 9 year old child?

I can't believe that NONE of the other three parents said anything, either to your DD or Sarah's mother. So far the two fathers have escaped criticism unscathed.

What a bitch.

You should have called her out there and then. Why didn’t you?

Not wanting to cause a scene

Did you correct her?

The woman is a toxic bitch and you should have corrected your daughter as well. Fat shaming a child is awful. That poor girl.

Glad that's the case re: your son. But the away you have phrased it really does sound like that.

the mum pointed to an elephant in a book my daughter was reading and said “Sarah’s as fat as that”. -
My daughter giggled and repeated it and I could see Sarah’s face and she was very upset.

Umm - where’s the bit where you said “No Maisie we don’t say things like that. Say sorry to Sarah please”

Whether or not the mum is a dick, you should have stepped in there!!

This! Clearly a lower bar for them…

@Gogoea Indeed. Particularly when she's responsible for what her DD eats. Poor "Sarah" - imagine having that for a mother. She'll be another damaged adult who will have to go NC with her "D"M to protect her self-esteem and sanity. 😞

People are overweight due to an excess of fat - hence fat.
It’s an adjective.
It’s unkind to use the word directly to the person themself but as a descriptor on MN we all know what op means.

Who blamed the girl? Not me. Don’t make shit up.

And what was the reason for taking about a 9yo’s breast tissue?

Have I missed something or did you just sit there and not say a word whilst your daughter called another child fat?!

The other mother is vile for saying that about her daughter but you, and your partner should have called your daughter out on repeating the comment .

Horrible situation and you should all be ashamed (expect your little boy who sounds lovely).

You should have obviously and within earshot of the mum corrected your DD.

I'd have called her out too - scene or not. An elephant is massive and muscular not fat and a 9 yo does not choose her diet.

How would correcting your own daughter saying spiteful things be 'causing a scene'? I'd never silently sit back while someone mocks and shames their child in front of me and other people, and I would jump all over any child of mine that thought it was acceptable to join in with it.

Everyone's lack of response, and particularly your lack of correction will have made Sarah think that you are all in agreeance with her mother.. poor girl.

Why are you still calling someone’s 9 yr old “fat” whilst commenting?
She’s a young child!
eg - “but my DS is nowhere near as visibly fat as Sarah”

You should have told your 6yr old something like “we don’t talk or laugh about other people’s bodies DD. It is unkind and upsets people”.

By saying that, you’d have been overtly letting the horrid mother know what a total cow she’s being to her own child.

You sweet 9yr son was just trying to make Sarah feel better - good on him. You should tell him you’re proud of him for showing empathy and kindness.

None of you come out of this looking great.

It’s also a bit weird that you mentioned her breast growth in your OP

Humans can be cruel. Being a parent doesn't stop a person being cruel if they are alrewdy cruel.

My mother used to call my brother fat all the time.

@Gogoea id say soemthing.
I don’t like how you soak to your Dd and maybe you should think of the damage you are doing to her long term.
I won’t stand by and listen to you abuse her that way .

Your daughter is old enough to know not to comment on other people’s weight and her giggling is evidence of that. You should have pulled her up on it. Your son is the only one that comes out well from this.

Here you are again, degrading a poor child!!

Oh my god this poor child.

I think my jaw would’ve dropped in shock when the mother made her first comment, I’d scarcely believe I heard correctly, but the moment my own child laughed along (whether out of nervousness or not) it would have been an immediate, firm and pointed “No, we don’t make comments about people’s bodies, that can feel very hurtful.”

This is all so weird.

Weird mother co-opting a near-stranger's children into the shaming of her own child.
OP asking if it's unreasonable to call her a rancid toxic bitch.
OP calling out her own son - "9 year old DS failed to acknowledge Sarah’s mother’s fault in all this" - for being the only one to behave with any humanity in this whole weird episode.
PPs calling out OP's six-year-old for responding inappropriately to an adult making some kind of joke.

What a world we're creating.

Like recognises like.