Woman on holiday? AIBU?

[Gogoea]

We’re currently on holiday in Spain and got to know another family. Their daughter is the same age as my son - 9. We also have a 6 year old daughter.

Their other family’s 9 year old - I’ll call her Sarah - is visibly overweight/fat with breast growth. She’s an only child.

When were on a trip to another town yesterday the other mum got tipsy and said at lunch - all 7 of us were on the same table - and the mum pointed to an elephant in a book my daughter was reading and said “Sarah’s as fat as that”. -

My daughter giggled and repeated it and I could see Sarah’s face and she was very upset.

A bit later on Sarah still looked upset and wasn’t really interacting at all and her mum sharpiy snd curtly (about my daughter - let’s call her Maisie) said to Sarah;

”look she’s TRYING to make friends with you”.

As we all walked back to the bus stop - my 9 year old son said to Sarah -

“Don’t worry, Maisie (his sister) has called me fat as well”

in other words, my 9 year old DS failed to acknowledge Sarah’s mother’s fault in all this?

AIBU to now have realised that Sarah’s mum is a rancid toxic bitch?

How can someone be like that to their own 9 year old child?

As regards my earlier post - I’ve got no proof that the mother said to my son Sarah was spoilt - literally just my instinct

Your son was the only one in this whole scenario who acted with kindness.. that little girl has a very toxic mother .. and you need to take a lesson from your son

Why not ask your son what she said to him?

I wouldn't have been happy about my son heading off with with that awful woman.

The lot of you could learn decency and empathy from your dear 9 yo boy.

That mom is awful, but given your daughter calls Sarah and her brother the same thing makes me think you're not so wonderful yourself.

I agree but this was before the lunch table shenanigans

When I was that age I was taller than my friends and an adult said to all and sundry that I looked like an elephant sucking an ice cube when I had an ice lolly. That was nearly 70 years ago, that poor child will never forget that remark.

Exactly. Sorry you had this ❤️

Thank you. I wish people would realise the effect a single remark can have and only make positive comments.

I voted YABU because I can’t see if you or your husband corrected your daughter in the moment?!

I can understand how some people won’t want to call out another adults behaviour towards their children but I’m someone who doesn’t give a shit and would definitely have said something.

And that's why we keep ourselves to ourselves on holiday. We had a similar experience 40 odd years ago, abd have avoided mingling ever since

VERY wise tbh !!!

The child was 7. The mother was the only one at fault.

Your son was great. He was trying to assuage her feelings and tend to her emotions to make her feel better (job well done!).

It sounds like DS was out of line. You can't control adults, but you can, in front of other adults, tell your daughter the family standards are that we do NOT call people fat and diminish them.

You could pull the mom aside when she's sober and ask if she's OK and say you're wondering due yo her behavior when she was drinking. That's a hard call though.

@Gogoea have you asked your son what Sarah’s Mum said to him, just casually? You can use it as an opening to talk about what happened and it may help you see the bigger picture.

Better a scene than to stay quiet and let a 9-year-old think that you all agree with her mother. After all, none of the grown-ups said ANYTHING!

That poor child! And her DF didn't call out his wife either?

I'd be proud of your son. You need to make your daughter aware that she's being unkind, though. You let her say that to her brother, too? Do you pull her up on that? Where has she learned that saying mean things is okay?

Also, I don't know if you have a problem with people that are overweight, but the way you speak makes it seem that you do. Please be more neutral in your language; your children are taking in everything you say and do.

Yes. I’ve distanced myself from the mum and asked my son. He said the mum said Sarah had been very spoilt due to being an only child and to make allowances for her behaviour sometimes.

My instincts on this were correct. And to say the very unnecessary

“remember what we talked about, Simon?” In front of Sarah was meant to make Sarah feel excluded. It’s bitchy schoolgirl behaviour

Well if she believes what she's said, she's responsible for any spoiling, along with the dad. She's a horrible person. Definitely keep your distance.

Yes and this goes to show she’s the opposite of spoilt, surely?

The cold harsh way she said “look Maisie (my daughter) WANTS to be friends with you” when Sarah was upset and not engaging. That was said in such a bitter, cold tone of voice to her with no eye contact

Yes, emotionally abused rather than spoiled. Poor kid.

Yes spot on

Sarah was probably not engaging with Maisie not just because of the elephant comment that she copied, but because every time she tries to engage, her mother shoots her down. So it's self preservation by not trying.

Yes, agreed

Her daughter is 6!

It's strange how all the adults expect Sarah to be friends with Maisy, who is 6, and not the boy, who is her age.