To despise picky eaters?

[Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair]

If you have an allergy or religious reasons not to eat something, fine obviously but grown adults who 'don't eat' something absolutely irk me beyond words. My MIL looked horrified earlier when I said I was making chicken as a part of a weekend spread because SIL 'doesn't eat it'. I have accommodated for SIL but honestly, I was bought up that you get what you're given and eat what's infront of you. It's terrible manners is it not?

Yabu - hosts should cater for preferences
Yanbu - it's rude

Why can’t people politely make their preferences known? Surely any good host would want their guests to genuinely enjoy what was prepared, rather than forcing down mouthfuls of something they truly can’t take.

Arfid is also totally valid but no one should have to reveal personal diagnoses in order to be accommodated for by their own family.

Christ you really do sound miserable.

Oh shutup lol

Due to the meds I'm taking, I'm advised not to eat certain things. I'd rather be thought of as a fussy eater than be hospitalised or, you know, dead.

I won’t eat fish or mushrooms and if coming to your house I’d let your know that.

I wouldnt eat either if you served them and I wouldn’t come back for a second visit.

Me too … thankfully my friends and family understand that my ‘fussiness’ is not a choice.

If I tried to for force myself to eat something I strongly dislike, I would be sick.

I'm not though that's the thing, I think just come along and enjoy yourself rather than being weird and uptight, already saying what you will and won't eat.

Most polite people ask before hand as surly you would be asking for allergies etc anyway.

however I once went to my DH friends house for dinner they said they were making a chicken dinner with veg etc so called us to asked allergies etc. all good no probs.

when we arrived they had changed the menu to steak “as a treat”! I had to thank them for being such lovely hosts and very thoughtful but that I didn’t eat steak.
it wasn’t a big deal and I hope the host wasn’t too mortified, but I ate everything else and the pudding and it was lovely.

in that situation I figured it would be more polite to decline than actually gag eating the steak.

also I didn’t want another dinner situation where this happened again or the next time if I did tell them I didn’t like steak I didn’t want them to be upset they had force fed me!

Just chill. It's not really on to be obsessed about what other adults eat. Similarly, they should be polite if they can't eat the food you've prepared rather than making a fuss. As a host, cater as graciously for your guests' preferences as you can. As a guest, appreciate the effort your host has gone to even if you're unable to enjoy it for whatever reason. You can always eat later. Good humour all round is the answer.

Then I’d eat around it if possible and say I wasn’t hungry. It’s impolite to question what a guest does or doesn’t eat so I’d hope they didn’t put me on the spot. As I said earlier, there are some foods I literally can’t eat. I’d gag and probably not be able to swallow them. But any time I’ve cooked for someone new or they’ve cooked for me for the first time they ask about dietary requirements, allergies and dislikes. It’s very common for people to have food preferences so checking in advance makes sense before you spend time and money them.

God, Mumsnet is getting increasingly insufferable.

Despise is a very strong word. I don't really care if another person is a picky eater and I'll make reasonable accommodations. If SIL hates chicken, I'll cook beef for the Sunday roast. But if I'm doing a spread, as you are, we'll have chicken and other options too.

But I agree that I can't really understand pickiness in (healthy) adults. The amount of any one type of food on a dinner plate isn't so massive that you can't just make a good go of it, even if you don't really like it.

Isn't ARFID classed as an eating disorder? So an actual medical problem? That's not picky eating. People with ARFID should have accommodations made for them in the same way as any other person with a health condition affecting what they can eat

You'd hate me! I am really fussy, always have been although I do try things occasionally (and still hate them).
Textures, smells and look put me off curtains food where I couldn't even put it to my mouth without vomiting.
Also I hate cheese!

If you know your guest will not eat , e.g. pork or fish, it’s unreasonable to present the guest with that, without offering an alternative ( sounds like you do with SiL).

If guest hates/ can’t eat , e.g. broccoli, but that is one of several veg you are offering and it’s your favourite with that dish, then guest just doesn’t choose broccoli , eats the effing carrots provided, and shuts up about their IBS at the table. Looking at you, MIL.

Sorry, had to get that off my chest. I have sympathy for you Op.

Do you realise people with ARFID physically can’t do this.

Do you think your partner is actually fussy or is it his way of asserting control?

What’s wrong with people being prepared ? Better that than arriving to find there’s nothing they can have and having to politely starve.

Amongst our friends we have:
a gluten avoider
a dairy avoider
a pescatarian (but not all fish)
someone who doesn’t eat root vegetables

Having them at home with us altogether would be impossible.
What particularly annoys me about some of the fussiness is some of them think it makes them so appealing and idiosyncratic. The root veg person is in his 60s and doesn’t eat them because he was made to eat them as a child. I don’t think he’s so much as tried a carrot since.

There are things I don’t like (okra being one) but I will usually grin and bear it if it has been prepared for me, because I’m not a big baby.

I was brought up to eat everything my host prepares, but I was also brought up to ask my guests in advance if there's anything they particularly dislike, and avoid serving it to them - what is the point in preparing food for someone if they're not going to enjoy it? It's a total waste of time and money.

You think if people hate mushrooms they'd still like YOUR mushrooms?

If you served me anything with liver or kidney (thanks for that childhood trauma, Mum🙄) or sweetcorn, coconut, "al dente" undercooked anything, beans (other than baked from a tin) I wouldn't eat it. I also don't eat pork, lamb or fish. Beef maybe - depends what it is and how well cooked it is - absolutely not something a good vet could get back on it's feet!
I wouldn't be rude, it would just be left on the plate.

I just googled ARFID, that sounds like a nightmare.

I don’t actually know any fussy eaters, all our friends eat whatever my husband cooks for them. My husband actually thinks I’m a picky eater because I turn my nose up at things like meat with fat or gristle. I think that’s fairly normal.

Our sons never went through a fussy phase. They will eat anything - oysters, sashimi, steak tartare - many things that I avoid.

“Oh God why do people take titles so literally, I don't actually despise them obviously but I do think they're very rude and entitled” there’s only one person being rude and entitled here op…

I've changed my mind about this, thanks to Mumsnet.

I've never been a fussy eater. I will literally eat anything. There's almost nothing I would even choose to avoid. I guess I don't love raw onion or marzipan but not to the extent that I would pick it out of anything.

My family, however, are very different. Between vegetarianism, veganism, food intolerances etc etc there are shit loads of things they won't eat. My MIL won't eat spice either. Frankly, it's a right pain in the arse, especially if we're out to eat or abroad.

Hearing people say they "can't" eat cucumber or fish or chicken feels ridiculous to me, but apparently it's a thing. Picky eaters are, apparently, made that way and you are wrong to call them out on it.

So, YABU.

So blame your Mil and not the person who doesn't like chicken.